December Skies
by Bella Regia
Summary: *AU* Bella thinks she's in love, and that it will conquer all. Then she discovers she's pregnant, and suddenly everything changes. Who will truly be there for her when she needs it? *All Human* ExB
1. The Same

**Here it is, my first foray into fanfiction. By the way, I don't own anything "Twilight", I can only sigh and dream I do.**

The stick showed two pink lines. Not even I could have kidded myself into thinking it was only one. There was the second one, insolent and bold. If I squinted my eyes it looked paler, but not really. The tears came soon after, blurring everything in front of me. _Oh God_, _no no no_. This is it, I thought, my life is over. What am I going to do? My sobs threatened to overcome me, so I pressed my hand over my mouth hard. They turned into a stifled choking, a sound more like a wounded animal than a human might make. Everything was too quiet around me, it was so late. If anyone heard me, they would think I was crazy. And they would probably be right.

Waiting for that stupid stick to tell me whether I was pregnant or not had been the longest, hardest two minutes of my life. I spent those two minutes reading the instructions on the box over and over, making sure that I would not misinterpret what I saw on the test. I'd thought it was bad enough going to a drugstore on Christmas Eve way out in Port Angeles just to buy a pregnancy test, but I'd had no idea this was how it would turn out. I had sat in the car for almost an hour in the freezing parking lot, getting up the courage to go up to the counter. And then that second line had appeared in the little window, next to the other pink stripe. In that moment, I felt something infinitesimal shift inside me, bending but not breaking. Then my heart started racing, my head pounded, and the crying began.

A thousand different thoughts swirled inside my mind, each fighting for my attention, but there was no room for anything except the telephone. I had to leave the bathroom to find it. I gripped the plastic indicator that had just turned my life upside down, tiptoeing out of the bathroom, even though I knew the bedroom door was also locked. I didn't know what I was going to tell him, or how. I was afraid of what he would say. Dammit, I hated talking on the phone. But it was three in the morning, and there was no one else to talk to. I reached for the telephone like it was a snake, ready to bite me. I decided to hide in my closet, and I locked the door behind me. I sat on the floor, not even bothering to turn on the light. The telltale stick lay next to me. I dialed his cell phone, knowing the number by heart; I didn't even need to look at the keys I was punching.

I heard it ring once, twice, three times… a fog tried to take over my mind, a gray cloud riddled with anxiety as the phone continued to ring, and there was no answer. I prayed it wouldn't go into voicemail. Nothing made me feel stupider than talking to a machine. I had to talk to him now; I needed to hear the only voice capable of rebuilding my world. Six, seven—

"Bella?"

"This isn't happening, tell me it's not true…" His voice unraveled me completely, and I hugged my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth. I started crying in earnest now, and even though I knew I was scaring him, I couldn't help it. I tried to find the right words to start with, and my mind went blank. He probably thought somebody died. _I_ wanted to die.

"Calm down, what's wrong?" His worried tone was enough to soothe me.

"Jacob, it's just that—that—I took this test, and it's positive, it's positive, I'm pregnant." First I didn't know what to say to him, and then I was repeating myself like an idiot.

"What? You're pregnant?" He sounded confused, and I didn't blame him.

"I took one of those home pregnancy tests, and there are two pink lines. The box says that means I'm pregnant, but sometimes these things are wrong. Should I take another one? Do I go to the doctor? What do I do?" I started to shake uncontrollably, the phone threatened to slip from my sweaty hands. Cold shivers ran down my back, and I wasn't sure whether it was the shock or actual cold. Stupid marble floors.

"No, no, wait. Calm down." Jacob inhaled slowly and exhaled. God, all I needed was for him to break down too. I could barely deal with my semi-controlled hysteria; I couldn't handle his as well. "Everything's going to be fine, don't worry. Take it easy, Bella. Tell me." His voice only shook slightly; that was good, very good.

"They're going to kill me, they're going to _kill me_! I'll have to leave the house, they'll kick me out, and I have nowhere to go! I don't have any money. I'll have to quit school, Jacob, and then how am I going to get a job?" There they were, those thoughts that were stalking me, waiting for me to acknowledge them in my panic. I banged my head softly against my knees, while fresh tears coursed down my face.

"Bella, it's okay. Don't cry." He sounded fairly calm. I wondered how he could manage that. Maybe he wasn't really listening, or was in a better state of denial than I was. "You're not alone in this, I'm here with you. Listen to me, okay? We're in this together. Pretend—where are you now?"

"In my closet, on the floor." Sweet relief flooded through me, my voice slightly stronger. He hadn't hung up on me; he was still talking to me. This was still good.

"Okay, pretend I'm right there with you now, and I'm holding your hand." I could hear the smile implicit in his tone. "So tell me, what are you worried about?"

"You're not mad?" I hated to ask, but I had to know.

"No, I'm not mad. Actually, believe it or not, I think I'm kind of happy." Jacob laughed a little, but then seemed to remember that I was not-so-quietly freaking out. "Is that all?"

"No, of course it's not all!" I hissed. "What am I—what are _we_ going to do? I think I told you this before, but all that talk about a woman's right to choose and everything; you know that an abortion is not the choice for me, right?" There, I'd said it.

"I know, we're not discussing that. But tell me, what do you think we should do?"

"That's just it, I don't know. When do I tell my parents? God, _how do I tell my parents_?" I started crying again, those annoying, choked little whimpers. "What if they throw me out of the house?" I put my hand over my eyes, in a futile attempt to check the tears.

"They're not going to throw you out."

"You obviously don't know them enough to guarantee that. It's a possibility that I have to consider. Where am I going to live?" Where are _we_ going to live, I corrected myself mentally. There were two of us now. I tried to wipe the tears away, but my pajama sleeve was already soaked.

"Well, if you're really that worried, you know that you can always come and stay with me," Jacob suggested calmly.

"And what will Billy say?" It suddenly occurred to me that they might be more tolerant than mine, having already been through something similar with Jacob's sister, Rachel.

"He already has two grandchildren; I hardly think one more would be news to him." Jacob was evidently thinking along the same lines. I was glad that he was being so easy about this, even though it had to have caught him off guard.

"Okay, if you're so sure." I took a deep breath to steady myself. "And what do I do about the rest?" I stretched my legs out in front of me, the uncomfortable pins-and-needles feeling already settled in. I leaned my head against the closet wall and closed my eyes. The sense of sudden relief had left me weak and hollow. I didn't understand the hollowness, but I would take it willingly if it came with a reprieve from my fears.

"The rest?" Jacob sighed softly. "The rest takes care of itself. If you have to, you can come live with me—with my family, I mean—and, we will see about your studies. You can use my car, I can get a job in town, and so on, and so on. What else do you want to worry about?"

What else indeed. "I don't know, maybe the fact that I'm going to have a baby. A baby, me! I'm barely into my twenties, I'm not married, I haven't graduated, and this isn't fair!" I felt I was being irrational, but I couldn't help it. Life certainly wasn't about being fair.

"You can't really use the word _fair_, you know. I'm in the same boat as you, for the most part, so please calm down. We are having a baby, and it will be alright. Do you trust me?"

"Yes." I sighed, and a fresh wave of tears streamed down. We were having a baby. Saying it out loud, hearing it from his lips started to seep through my denial.

"Okay. I'll call you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep, alright? For both of you." I could still hear the smile in Jacob's voice, and somehow these words managed to seize my panic and hold it down.

"I'll try. I love you."

"Sleep. Bye."

I held the phone tightly in my right hand, my left searching blindly for the test stick. My fingers found it and squeezed it in a fist. It was going to be a long wait till morning. Somehow, things still felt only half-resolved. We hadn't really come to an agreement on anything, or made any solid decisions. That bothered me, lying like a heavy coat on my shoulders. But it was still too early in the game for that yet. We would have almost nine months to talk about things, I told myself.

I had no idea how I was able to sleep that night. After I wrapped the box holding the indicator in a plastic bag and hid it in a drawer, I just curled up in my bed and let my misery have me. I cried for me, for my baby, for my family, for everything that was going to change. I kept trying to distract my mind, to think about anything but the fact that there were now two of us lying on the bed. Exhausted from all that crying, I finally fell asleep. I knew I would never be the same Bella who slept in this bed again.

**Like it, love it, hate it? Let me know! **


	2. Poetry

_**Think of these interludes as sort of flashbacks; they alternate between **__**Bella's relationships with Jacob and Edward… every character still belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**_

_**BPOV**_

_My cell phone rang at three in the morning, now that I was used to leaving it on twenty-four seven. I woke up with a start, my heart racing. __It wasn't a phone call, it was a text message. I knew who it would be from, and that only made my heart beat faster. I fumbled for the cell, shaking my head awake. I punched the keys, and read the message. I felt a smile curve at the corners of my mouth. _

_The poem read much like the others, and I scanned it over and over again, trying to memorize it. Then I remembered the sender, and quickly composed a message of my own: _Thanks_. I didn't need to say anything more. _

_Despite the fact that the messages had been going on for a while, they never ceased to make me smile, and my heart flutter. Stupid, yes, and impossible. __I had felt myself falling for him months ago, and wasn't able to do anything to stop. _

_Jacob__ and I met at the tutoring center down at La Push reservation where we both volunteered; for me, it was as a prerequisite for obtaining my degree in education. I had 480 teaching hours to complete, which dragged endlessly for the first three months. Then I met new friends. There were nearly fifteen of us, practically the same age, and we quickly bonded into a fun little group. _

_In the beginning, I tried to smother those feelings. I had a boyfriend__, Mike—granted, he was off studying in Italy, but we had been together a little over a year. You didn't throw all of that away for a small infatuation. You just didn't. And it annoyed me that I had to keep reminding myself of that. _

_I couldn't stop thinking about him. He popped into my thoughts at the most unexpected times. I imagined I heard __Jacob's deep voice everywhere; a beautiful voice, I thought, with a gravelly quality that didn't take away from its softness. He was tall—although compared with me, anyone seemed gigantic. He was almost seven feet; the black hair atop his head made my own long dark hair look like light chocolate by contrast. _

_Jacob__ had a great way with words, and not just when writing poetry. He always seemed to know what to say, exactly what I needed to hear. He made me laugh, he made me feel good about myself. Hell, he even made me want to get up early on Saturday and Sunday mornings, just to get to the tutoring center and see him. I couldn't wait to look into his black eyes and smile. _

_He had just broken up with his girlfriend__ Leah, and took to talking to me about her, about how resentful he felt about the break-up, and I was all ears, all the time. I tried to make him laugh, to make him feel better, and I found myself trying to prove to him that not all women were like that. _

_Sometimes __Jacob's dark moods disturbed me, and made me try harder to drag him out of the black funk where he hid. Occasionally, I succeeded. Other times, I was just left feeling distraught and anxious, as though it were my fault. _

_In those early months, I would show the text messages to my __best friends Alice and Angela, showing off the poems (all originally penned by him, of course) and how he had written them for _me_. They all said, "How sweet!" and wanted to know more about Jacob. As the messages continued, and they stopped asking questions, I realized that they just didn't understand my obsession with this guy, and neither could I. _

_I couldn't mention this casual little acquaintance to __Mike, especially as it was becoming less casual (at least for me). The distance between us was taking its toll on our relationship, and there was a three-week stretch where I didn't receive so much as a phone call or e-mail from Italy. I chalked it up to his busy schedule, but I knew that I couldn't hang on much longer to what we had. We _had_, past tense. Things had been strange before he left, and now were made worse by time, space, and my little infatuation. _

_I talked to __Jacob about it, of course. He gave me some advice based on his relationship with the vindictive ex-girlfriend, which didn't really apply but still made me feel thrilled that he could relate. After a few weeks of strain, I decided that the wisest course by far would be to break up via phone next time Mike called (he was in _Italy_, and neither of us was visiting anytime soon). I thought it was cowardly to do it over the phone, but he didn't leave me much choice. _

_A few days after I made my decision, __Mike finally called. He didn't explain his absence, and I didn't ask. I simply said that I felt we wanted different things, that what had brought us together in the beginning had gotten lost along the way. I mentioned the distance, both physical and emotional, and to my surprise he didn't once disagree or protest. What surprised me the most was my own reaction. Not a single tear, only a welcome sense of _freedom_. _

_That only convinced me further, that I wasn't meant to __someday live in Italy, but stay here in the city and wait for whatever could happen between us. The new _us_. I was convinced that it existed, if I could only pursue it a little bit further. I felt myself changing, becoming more _me_, slowly but surely shedding the false persona I had been forced to create for Mike. I didn't realize, until I was truly detached from that relationship, the fake and phony person I had become for Mike, trying to cater to his every whim, always giving, always yielding. He didn't know me at all, not really—what was worse, he had never wanted to. I attributed part of this change to Jacob, the influence he had over me. _

_And there I was, finally free to be with __Jacob, if I chose. I battled with myself for weeks as well, trying to talk myself into believing that he cared for me, that he felt about me the same way I did about him. Other times, I argued with myself to the contrary. There was only one way to know for certain—to tell him. Except I wasn't really ready to do that. _

_I tended to overanalyze everything. I made myself stop answering his phone calls and __avoided chatting with him online. I gave myself space, trying to be objective about my feelings for him. I decided that I would try to be his friend first and foremost, get to know him beyond what I'd seen of him so far. _

_At the tutoring center, a couple of friends and I organized nights out with the group. We __went to movies, bars, and dinner. I got to spend more time with Jacob this way, without being so obvious about my intent. It gave me a chance to know him as a friend, and perhaps the means to give myself closure over my feelings for him. However, I wasn't counting on fate. _

_One of those nights, we ended up going to the movies by ourselves. For some reason or other, no one from the group was able to make it but us. I could feel my heart pounding as we took our seats in the darkened theater. I __was hyper-aware of his presence; it was as though there was an electric current flowing between us. It was then that I realized, there was no running from this feeling—he was in me like a live wire. _

_After that, we began going out on solo dates, with no tutoring center __group as an excuse now. We saw many movies, drank lots of coffee, and simply _talked_. About anything and everything under the sun. It never ceased to amaze me how easy it was to just be with him. I began to understand him better, even in the dark moods that sometimes took him away from me. He was just so intense. I was at his house once, and met his brothers. He would ask me endless questions about my likes and dislikes, university, my family, friends, my whole life. All it took was a few weeks. _

_He drove me home after the movie. It was a cold night, and I drew my coat tightly around myself in the passenger seat. He set out into the foggy avenue, and switched on the radio. There was a song I liked playing, and we started talking about our favorite music. _

"_What's in your CD player right now?" he asked, keeping his eyes on the road._

_I smiled, and told him the name of the band. He burst out laughing._

"_What's so funny?" I glanced at him. _

_He __grinned, and shook his head. He reached out to the car's stereo, hit a button, and turned the CD player on. As I recognized the song, I couldn't help but laugh too. It was the same band. We didn't say anything else for the rest of the way—just sang along with the music. _

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	3. Faraway Shore

**Oops—guess I should have mentioned it before, but then again, things are pretty obvious to me inside my head… This story is from Bella's POV. ****Oh, and thanks for the reviews, they really keep me going ********. **

**Again, I own nothing but a beat-up Pontiac and a vast collection of DVDs. **

The next day, I couldn't wait for him to call me. My parents had announced that we were going to spend a week's vacation in Pacific Beach, a few hours south of Forks. I had to call him myself to let him know I was leaving. I felt jumpy and edgy, and I could only begin to imagine what a long week it would be, knowing what I knew, and without Jacob. Even though something told me I should wait, I picked up the phone and called him.

"Jacob?" He answered his cell phone after only two rings.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Jacob sounded tense.

"Nothing's wrong. Well, _you_ know, but nothing really. I just wanted to tell you that we're going to spend New Year's at Pacific Beach. I'll be gone for a week."

"Oh." He hesitated. "Have you thought about anything else, that maybe you would like to talk about?"

"Like what?" I asked anxiously.

"I don't know. Anything, I guess."

"Not really. I'm just worried, in general. But I don't like it, having to be away from you now, for a whole week. I'm still sort of in denial. When it really hits me, I'll have a better idea of what I feel, what I'll do."

"Okay. So, we'll talk when you get back," Jacob said. It sounded more like a question.

"There is one thing you can do for me. Please."

"Sure."

Now it was my turn to hesitate. "If you could maybe call a doctor. Find a woman… obstetrician, for me. So we can go, when I come back, in January. As soon as possible, please?" I knew this was a small test, testing his level of commitment. And I hated myself for it.

"I'll ask around. Or I'll look one up in the phone book. Is that okay with you?" Jacob sounded fine with the idea. Me and my paranoia.

"Okay. Let me know who it is, so I can make an appointment. I'll talk to you soon, okay? I love you." I breathed easier, putting this first small burden behind me.

"Take care, Bella. Bye."

"Bye." I hung up, and tried not to think about the long week ahead.

--

The highway stretched out endlessly before us. Dazzling patches of occasional sunlight shimmered off the asphalt, making me dizzy. Even though the late December air was pleasantly cold, I had felt clammy and sweaty ever since I had climbed into the Suburban that morning. Tuning out the usual arguments between my siblings, I ignored Jasper and Rosalie and quickly claimed my usual window seat, putting on my sunglasses to cut the nebulous sun's early glare and hitting play on my I-Pod before we were in motion. Anything to take my mind off the slightly crippling nausea that threatened to overcome me.

Since I was a child, one of my greatest phobias was the fear of vomiting. Before this, I had almost always managed to keep the vomit at bay, through sheer force of will. Now that it was out of my hands entirely, and in control of raging baby hormones, I wasn't so sure I would be able to stick to my no-throwing-up plan. I was also scared that throwing up would give me away. I tried to sleep some of the way, but then I heard part of their conversation. Apparently, my mother's brother and sister, along my cousins, were also staying with us in the beach condo. Great, more witnesses to what would soon be evident enough.

We stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. As soon as I walked through the door, I knew my stomach wouldn't be up to the task. It was just the sheer power of _smell_, the scent of cooked food and even the smell of people sitting down to their meals. If my sense of smell had been sensitive before, it felt as though it had tripled in strength. Feeling sick, I asked for the nearest bathroom, and bolted for the closest stall. I finally lost the battle against my heaving stomach. I spent five minutes clutching at the tiled walls, muttering _Dammit dammit dammit!_ under my breath. I hated to puke worse than _anything_.

When I emerged, it was to find my family already sitting around a table, waiting for me. I smiled faintly and hoped I didn't look too sick for them to notice. We ordered our food, which I hoped I would be able to keep down. I still had a few hours of my father Charlie's highway driving to endure, and though I would have preferred to have an empty stomach—nothing to throw up—I was now eating for two. That thought sobered me, and I forced myself to eat, slowly. I ate about half of what was on my plate, but I downed a huge glass of Coke, hoping it would settle my stomach.

No such luck. As we headed out the door, I caught the scent of a woman's perfume. My insides churned dangerously, and I turned back to ask for a paper cup filled with ice. My best friend Edward had told me once that chewing ice helped control nausea. He was a med student—he should know. When we were finally back on the road, I did my best to ignore the sweeping, dizzying countryside and tried to focus on the music blaring from my headphones. The ice seemed to work; my stomach settled uneasily, precariously, but it settled nonetheless. I managed to sleep crookedly on the seat, melting ice in my mouth.

I didn't wake up until we were crossing the causeway into Pacific Beach. I was grateful that they hadn't felt the need to stop in any of the towns to shop. I was feeling incredibly tired, like I had run a marathon the day before. Every bone in my body ached, and my mind felt fuzzy and numb. When we pulled into the condo parking lot, I could see that my aunt and uncle were already there. I struggled mentally to put on a more normal face—one that didn't feel or look half-dead.

We greeted everyone as we walked through the door. There was hugging left and right, luggage to unload from the Suburban, bags, and bedrooms to claim in the smallish condo. I knew I would be sleeping in the living room on throw blankets and sleeping bags with the rest of my cousins, while the adults had the rooms to themselves. I dragged my bag behind me, wanting nothing else in the world but to crash on one of the couches. I did, literally, stumbling on my own left feet.

I waited until almost everyone had left the common sitting room area (which acted as a dining room, living room, and was only separated from the kitchen by a tall breakfast bar). I dumped my bag in a corner, and immediately reached for the glass door that led onto the beachfront balcony. I stepped outside, inhaling the humid, salty air. I knew most people would cringe at the thought of spending the New Year on a beach that practically neighbored Alaska, but I loved the restless expanse of the ocean before me.

There were a few plastic lounge chairs, wet with the nighttime dew. I sat down anyway, still breathing in deeply. I had always loved this beach, had been coming here on vacations since I was practically a baby, when I was still an only child—just me, Charlie and Renée. That thought startled me. Suddenly, I imagined myself down by the shore, holding a tiny baby in my arms, while the sea breeze blew around us.

I stared out into the dark, the sand below me lit only by the condominium lights from the buildings all along the beach. They stretched out for a few miles in each direction, pinpoints in the distance. I could barely see it, but I could hear the crashing ocean waves, the dark water melting into the night sky. If I looked hard enough, I could just make out the white sea foam lapping at the sand.

I wondered if my vision would come true one day, if everything would turn out alright, like Jacob had promised me. I imagined both of us by the water's edge, holding hands as we watched our child playing on the sand. It made me smile for the first time since last night. I hoped I would be able to recall that smile whenever I needed it.

I stood up from the chair, my back damp from the strange, cold dew. My hair tangled in the salty air. I pulled the door open; I felt a bit more prepared to survive the week. I walked into the condo, letting the distinctive smell of the air-conditioned humidity hit my face. My stomach rumbled, and I paused, wincing, waiting for the nausea. It took me a moment to realize I was simply hungry. I smiled again.

**My ego can totally take it. R&R!**


	4. An End To A Beginning

**I'm trying to update at least 2 chapters a day… it's fast since I had this story written already, and I'm uploading what I have, but it's not quite finished… in the meantime, enjoy!**

The rest of the week passed in a blur. In between my waking moments, heavy with exhaustion, there were only a few things that stood out clearly—sleeping, eating, and Jacob.

I spent most of my days knocked out on the couch. I would stay up late, as usual—my whole family was like night owls. I could stay up so late it was actually early—enough to watch the winter sun rise mistily on the water. I would then go to bed, and wake up just in time for lunch. During the afternoons, I would suddenly hit sleepy pockets, where I would crawl to the nearest couch and take a nap. If everyone was watching TV on the sofas, I would simply curl up on the carpeted floor, like a cat. If I hadn't known otherwise, that kind of exhaustion couldn't possibly have indicated good things about my health. When Renée asked me why I was so tired, I mumbled something about how the last month of the college's semester had been particularly demanding. I hoped she wouldn't notice how my lie made my face turn red.

Mealtimes were absolute hell. Vacationing on the coast, my family couldn't resist the endless supply of seafood. I was not only able to resist it, but avoided it. I hated Rosalie and Jasper's penchant for shrimp. The sole smell of it cooking was horribly nauseating. Other types of food weren't much better for my weakened stomach. I got by on lots of macaroni and cheese, crackers, and turkey sandwiches. There wasn't a lot that didn't make my stomach turn, and I worried about eating right for the baby. I ate most of my meals on the balcony as well. The sea air was about the only thing that didn't make me want to throw up.

I spent a lot of time on that balcony, musing, imagining, dreaming. I walked down the beach whenever I could, when the wind wasn't too cold or rainy. Despite the obstacles, my will prevailed; I didn't throw up again for the rest of the trip.

Every time I had a clear thought, free from dizziness or sleep, Jacob's face would cross my mind. I imagined him back home, maybe worried about _us_ (that plural that tended to creep into my vocabulary now, a lot). We couldn't call each other at all, and the long separation was making me very anxious. Keeping up with my little daydreams and tender baby thoughts, other nagging doubts assailed me. Given what I already knew about Jacob's past and our relationship, I couldn't help but feel frustrated that he hadn't immediately come over to see me that night, hadn't offered to meet and talk the very next day. I tried my best to smother these thoughts—they did nothing for my frame of mind.

I didn't know if he felt the same, and I couldn't wait to return home so I could see him. He hadn't seen me since I had told him the news; I wondered if when he saw me, he would notice anything different about my face, see anything in my eyes. I began to wear Jacob's bracelet, his birthday gift to me. He belonged to the Quileute tribe, living in La Push, and the bracelet was a version of a promise ring. Every time I heard it clink softly on my wrist, it made me feel almost like he was there with me.

--

After New Year's Day, we headed back to Forks. The return ride home wasn't as bad as the first trip. The nausea barely made an appearance, but a new whirling dizziness hovered on the edges of my consciousness, making my head ache; I came close to passing out a couple of times, but managed to sit down with my head between my knees before it got too bad. I worried about the increasing intensity of my symptoms. Surely it was only a matter of time before someone noticed, and put two and two together.

The moment we crossed the threshold, I sprinted for my room. Clutching the phone in my hand, I decided to hide out in the closet again, and locked the door. I dialed his home number, feeling it might be too long a conversation for cell phone rates. I wanted to know if he had done as I asked, and found us a doctor. Somehow, that would be the first step towards making it all real for me, despite what the pregnancy test already claimed. I prayed he would answer, like he usually did, but worried that his father might pick up instead.

But I was in luck this time. "Hello?"

"Hi, it's me. Happy New Year."

"Hey, you're back," Jacob said. I couldn't decipher anything from his tone.

"Yeah, we just got in, like this second. I couldn't wait to talk to you."

"How was the beach?"

"Humid. Freezing. Mostly I just felt really sick though."

"How are you feeling now?"

I sighed. "Like crap, actually. I'm dizzy all the time, like I'm going to faint, or else I just feel like throwing up left and right. But I won't let myself do _that_—the vomiting thing, you know." I was babbling now. Better get to the point. "Jacob? I wanted to ask you, did you get a chance to find a doctor? Did you make any calls?"

There was a moment of flat silence on the other end.

"Well, er… actually, Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't get around to that."

My fingers curled around the phone. My little test had failed.

"How come?"

"I guess I just didn't feel comfortable, doing it myself, I don't know. I'm sorry. I had a lot to think about too."

I took a deep breath. "Fine. I'll call." I didn't mean to sound upset, but I knew he would hear it.

"I'm really sorry."

"It's okay. But you _will_ come with me to the appointment, right?"

"Yeah, I'll go with you." Jacob's tone was relieved.

"I'll let you know when then. I should go as soon as possible."

Jacob didn't say much after that. The conversation sort of died on the line, with nothing concrete to settle on. I felt guilty for cornering him, and he felt the same (and a little defensive) for not fulfilling my only request. The only thing we managed to agree upon was that we would work on telling our parents, figuring out the right time. Just thinking about that set my stomach sinking again.

I needed a plan.

**Love hearing from you guys… thanks! R&R!**


	5. A Friend

**For those of you anxiously waiting for Edward's appearance… **

I needed a friend.

I spent the rest of the night tossing pointlessly while I contemplated who I should tell first. Alice and Angela? Sure. My best girlfriends would undoubtedly be on my side, supportive and caring. And of course Edward, whom I had known even longer than the girls, ever since middle school, when he moved down from Alaska.

His dad, Carlisle, was a doctor at the tiny hospital in Forks. Esme, his mother, was an art historian and taught at the high school. Edward was an only child doted upon but completely unspoiled. His family was wealthy; he was currently living in Seattle, in his own small apartment. Following in his father's footsteps, he was about to complete the required courses as a pre-med student, getting ready for the MCATs. I was so proud of him. I missed him like crazy; with his demanding schedule, he was only able to make it up to Forks once a month, if at all.

Our friendship was so easy, so comfortable; we went naturally at each other's side, like breathing. He was my safe harbor; the only one I felt could put the earth back beneath my feet. I was afraid that he would be angry with me, sad maybe, but most of all, I was terrified that he would be disappointed in me. That he would tell me I had let him down.

Edward and Jacob's relationship had never been a good one. Ever since I fell for Jacob, Edward had been distant to him, whenever he came from Seattle to visit. He didn't understand my infatuation with him, but refrained from making an outright comment about it. I could only tell from the way his green eyes tightened and the set of his mouth. But it was enough. And now I was pregnant.

I finally gave up on sleep at around 5. I grabbed my phone, and thought about Edward. It was early, but he was probably awake. Poring over textbooks, coffee cup in hand. I smiled at the picture. In a sudden burst of courage, I dialed his cell phone from memory.

The line beeped twice before he picked up. Edward's voice was oddly alert considering the obscene hour I chose to call. It made the mental image I had of him instantly true.

"Hey! What's up, Bella?"

"Hey yourself. You studying?" I ran my hands quickly through my hair, tucking loose strands behind my ear. I curled my feet beneath me, settling in for the conversation.

"Yeah, I have this pile of index cards to get through and three textbook to try and memorize." I could hear him shift papers around. "So, how come you're up so early? Or have you not actually been to bed yet?"

"You got me. I've gotten my days and nights completely reversed. I'm sorry to interrupt though—I could call back later." _And postpone telling you for as long as I can_.

"No, not at all. I was just about to stop for breakfast. Yes, that's right, at this ungodly hour," Edward chuckled, anticipating my next comment.

"Edward, I'm pregnant." I took a deep breath and waited. So much for postponing—I bet he wasn't anticipating _that_.

"You're _what_?!" His voice went up almost a full octave—not an easy feat for a guy.

"Pregnant. As in, I'll be up to my neck in diapers and bottles and really loud crying in 9 months' time." I studied my fingernails, unable to lift my head, even though he couldn't see me.

A pause. Then I heard him sigh into the phone. "Okay. I'm dealing here. How are you?"

One of those inexplicable mood swings hit me then and another barrage of tears I had been holding back ever since the stupid test went positive broke through my composure. Edward wasn't yelling, he wasn't berating me, he was worried about me.

"I don't know," I managed to choke out between sobs. "Okay, I guess. Dealing, too." I couldn't stop crying long enough to sound coherent.

"Shhh, Bella. It's okay. God, I… I wish I could be there right now with you. Um… okay. I suppose I don't need to ask who the father is… Jacob?" Edward's voice went strangely flat at the mention of Jacob's name.

"Yes, Jacob's the father." I pressed the heel of my free hand to my eyes, wiping tears away.

"Does he know?"

"Yes, he _knows_, Edward. And believe it or not, he's not bailing. We're also dealing, and we're going to ride it out. Together." I didn't mean to snap at him. I breathed hard. "Sorry."

"Why are you apologizing? You're under an immense amount of pressure, something I don't even understand. _I'm _sorry, I shouldn't have implied—" He cut himself off, exhaling.

"Yeah. Don't worry about it." I sniffled, and then laughed weakly. "Can't say I blame you. You've never really liked him."

"Bella, he's your choice. Whatever my opinions are… it doesn't matter. What matters is you. Do you need anything, have you talked to your parents?"

"No, I haven't gotten around to telling Charlie and Renée quite yet. I'm waiting for the right moment. Preferably one where I can be sure they won't stroke and die."

I lied back on the bed, nestling the phone closer to my ear. Edward's voice, soothing and gentle, was telling me not to be afraid, that I was one of the bravest people he knew. That he was there for me, and always would be. He offered everything he could think of, from money to his own presence when I told my parents. I declined, already tired of telling him I was fine. Just plain tired of thinking about it…

"Bella? Bella?" Edward's voice brought me back from the brink of sleep. My eyes refocused, the gray light of dawn peeking through the curtains.

"Sorry," I yawned. "I think it's about bedtime for us—what is it, six-thirty?"

"Yeah, it's late. For you, anyway." Edward laughed softly. "Go, get some sleep. You need it. Both of you do."

My heart skipped a little, erratically, hearing that last part. The blush he was so fond of triggering for his own entertainment stained my cheeks. I smiled shyly.

"Sure. Talk to you soon. And Edward…"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

**Sorry about the long-winded dialogue… but they just needed to get some things said. More to come soon! R&R!**


	6. Real

**Don't own anything as cool as "Twilight"… yet. : )**

I analyzed every possible solution, every possible route I could take. What worried me most was my parents' response, what they might say or do in anger. Of course they would be angry—no, it wasn't a strong enough word. Maybe more like furious, raging, and pissed. So I reviewed my options carefully, and played out every possible scenario in my head. Most of them ended up with me crying, but I had to stick to the facts.

Then again, I tried to delude myself into thinking that perhaps the test had given a false positive. And the only way to be absolutely sure was to visit an obstetrician. I grabbed a couple of Seattle phone books and started looking for a doctor. My only requisite was that it had to be a woman doctor—for no other reason than it would make me feel more comfortable about the whole thing. Seattle was just far away enough that no gossip could reach Forks. I picked one pretty much at random from the book; I called and made an appointment. I didn't say anything about being pregnant, but the secretary told me that if I was getting a check-up, then I had to drink a whole liter of water one hour beforehand. No problem, I said. I wrote down the date and time of the appointment. Then I made a decision.

I chose not to tell Jacob about the doctor's appointment. It suddenly hit me, that if this was a false alarm, I didn't want him there with me. I couldn't explain why I felt this way, but I thought I would rather call him if I had different news, if I could tell him that there was no need to worry, that everything was a big mistake. It could all blow over in two days—or not. When I lay awake that night, it occurred to me that I didn't know what to pray for. No baby, a healthy baby, movie-happy-ending? I rolled on my side, shut my eyes tight, and made a wish instead.

--

I called it my little "contingency plan". It began loosely sketched, but grew sharper in my mind until I decided that I'd better put everything in writing, like I usually did when I was overwhelmed. It ended up being somewhere between a letter and a to-do list. Addressed to Charlie and Renée, I wrote it longhand, and typed it up afterwards.

_I want to say something and I don't know how to begin because I'm sure you'll be furious and I don't want to make you feel bad or angry, but you won't be able to help it. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and all I ask is that you hear me out until the end._

_I'm pregnant. I'm sorry. I know you'll think I've been incredibly stupid, and irresponsible, and maybe I am, but I've also given this a lot of thought and I have several solutions, but I need to know if I have your support or not. _

_Jacob is the father of this baby, and he says that he is with me, no matter what. I think my first choice is to go live with him, and his family will probably help us out. If that doesn't work out, I thought about my other options: _

_I will understand if you don't want me here. I have a place to stay, with a friend, if you decide to kick me out. She will help me until I get some money and get a job. _

_If that doesn't work out, I can also go to the Family Life Center, where they can also take care of me, at least until the baby is born. Then I can maybe get a job._

_If, and only if, you decide to help me, then I will stay in school, finish my degree, even if I am pregnant. I promise. Then I will get a job and help with all the expenses. I will pay you back every single cent you give me. I could even pay rent, if that's what you want. _

_I can't express how sorry I am to put you in this position, and I am so sorry to have let you down. There is nothing I can do to take it back, but I will try to make things as easy as I can on everyone. Never forget that I love you, and that I'm sorry to disappoint you._

I didn't have time to wait for the perfect timing. I received a call from the library at the Peninsula Community College. They offered me a part-time job as a librarian's assistant.

Now? Really? I thought. Then I sighed. I could definitely use the extra money. Stupid, irresponsible people couldn't afford to be picky either; I was hearing my mother's voice in my head. I still had a week before classes began, so I accepted the job, and tried to prepare myself for the doctor's appointment.

Jacob hadn't asked about it at all, so I didn't need to lie to him. I chalked it up to him being a guy, who just let things slip now and then, and the obvious tension we were both under. I wouldn't even admit to myself how much his detachment worried me. I drove to the doctor's office, gulping a liter of water as ordered. I wasn't used to drinking so much, and my bladder felt near to bursting as I sat in the waiting room. I filled out paperwork, and then remembered to turn off my cell phone.

No one knew I was in Seattle, not even Edward. I had briefly considered letting him know I would be in the city, but decided against it. He might insist on coming with me to the doctor's office—I didn't want to bother him. I had told my mother I was going out shopping in Seattle with Alice, that I would be gone all day. I fervently hoped she wouldn't call home.

Finally, I went into the doctor's office. I sat nervously in the chair, fidgeting and wishing I could go relieve myself. The doctor set me at ease, and I could only imagine how many women she saw in my same situation. I didn't ask, but she may have sensed it, when she asked me if I had any concerns. So I told her about Jacob, and about the home pregnancy test I had taken.

The doctor pulled out a calendar, and we figured out some dates. It didn't look good, judging from her expression. At last, she asked me to get on the exam table, and sat next to me facing the ultrasound machine. She smeared cold gel on my stomach, and when I winced she explained that the liter of water was necessary in order to have a better view of my uterus. And any of its current inhabitants, I thought.

The screen came on, blurry with electronic snow. The doctor moved the mouse-like indicator, placing it directly below my bellybutton. I squinted, trying to make something out of the indistinct shadows. Then she paused, and froze the screen. She pointed her finger at it, and all of a sudden I saw it. The baby.

It was tiny, no more than ten centimeters across, or so the doctor said. But there it was, unmistakable. It was just like in the movies, with the slightly amorphous head, the tiny arms and legs, and the cord leading into its belly. I forgot all about my discomfort, and everything else in the room. A few tears ran down my face, and I didn't even bother wiping them away. I covered my mouth, and a few hiccupping sobs escaped. But I smiled.

It didn't surprise me, somehow, that I didn't _feel_ surprised. It was alright. And then the doctor flipped a switch on the machine, and a small but steady pounding rhythm filled the room. Its heartbeat, strong and real, like my own. There really was a small human being inside me, beginning life, and then I started crying in earnest.

I guess the doctor was more or less used to bizarre reactions from pregnant women, and simply handed me Kleenex until I could get up and walk to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet seat, staring at the paper roll in front of me like a crazy person. I may have been in there as long as ten minutes, until I remembered where I was and finally had to leave. I thanked the doctor, and scheduled my next appointment. I don't know how I managed to do that; I was going on complete autopilot. My brain was registering the activity but my mind was somewhere else.

As I drove home, stuck in traffic, my eyes kept brimming over with tears, which I wiped with the heels of my hands. I turned down the radio to better hear my confused thoughts. The test hadn't lied after all; I even thought I knew what to pray for now. Hearing its tiny heart beating with such determined force had finally made it real for me. And I couldn't wait to make it real for Jacob.

**Thanks to all my readers… I'm still updating as fast as I can… I'm still holding on to plenty of unpublished chapters, so… yay! R&R!**


	7. Reassurance

**I wrote this some time ago, so if anyone spots any inconsistencies, let me know, please… on with Bella's plight… **

My mother was out when I got home. I grabbed the phone, before I could think about it too much, and dialed Jacob's house for what felt like the hundredth time in the last couple of days. His dad Billy answered on the second ring, and I nearly choked. Jacob's father had never really liked me—he tolerated me, at best. I always thought it had something to do with the fact that he wanted someone who was Quileute to be with his son.

"Um, hi… is Jacob home?" I tried not to sound pregnant.

"Just a minute." I heard her call out to him. Muffled whispers.

"Bella, hi."

"Hey." This conversation felt familiar. "What are you doing?"

"Writing a paper for my Economics class." He had graduated early, and was working on a graduate business degree. It never failed to impress.

"Oh. Well, I just wanted to tell you." I cleared my throat. "I went to the doctor today."

"You went already? By yourself? I thought you were going to let me know first."

I couldn't tell if he was angry or not. "Yeah. So… the test was right. I'm pregnant." No fuss, no crying on my part for once. It didn't seem like last time, for which I was grateful.

"You're pregnant," he repeated. He sounded a bit more shocked than he had a right to, considering.

"I saw the baby, Jacob, on the ultrasound, you know? It's tiny, but it's there." I took a deep breath. "I heard its heartbeat. It was going really fast, but the doctor said that was good, that it was normal." I felt my eyes well up, remembering.

"Well, I guess that's good, isn't it?" His voice was slightly remote, which needled me into my reply.

"I have another appointment, a month from now. You're coming, right?"

"What's the date?"

"February 13th, in the afternoon. Oh, I forgot to tell you, I'm starting work part-time at the library, as an assistant."

"You're working?"

"And studying. Classes start next week." I nearly sighed at the thought, then checked myself. Whining didn't help. I needed the job; God knew what might happen in a few more weeks. Like when I told my parents and the crap hit the fan.

"I might have class myself that day. I'm not sure." I thought his evasiveness might be considered normal. This was a guy, after all, who was going to be a _father_. At the tender age of 22. But then, so was I.

Tired of the exchange, I let it go. "Fine. We'll see about that later. I just wanted to share the news." I paused. "Was it good news?"

"I'd like to think so." That was a little more like the Jacob I knew, and loved.

"I'm glad. So, we'll talk tomorrow, okay?" It was barely seven o'clock, and I was fighting a numbing exhaustion, both inside and out.

"Okay. I'll call you. Bye."

"Bye." The line went dead before the words were halfway out of my mouth. I hated the stupid phone.

--

I swallowed the huge vitamin pill, washing it down with apple juice. I took a half-hearted bite from a granola bar, fighting the nausea. I had five minutes left on lunch break at the library and things weren't looking good for my no-throwing-up strategy.

I was not a morning person. Having to get up every day at six did not sit well with me; although I was grateful that the work was not really demanding. I was out by two, but then I shuttled myself across campus to make class from three to seven. But I did it nevertheless, because it made me feel more normal. I tried to convince myself it would have gone down exactly the same way even if I hadn't been pregnant.

The thought "I'm pregnant" now seemed applied to everything in my life. It flashed across my mind like a single word, _i'mpregnant_. As in, I should exercise a little bit more because _i'mpregnant_, or maybe, I shouldn't eat this or do that because _i'mpregnant_. I had given up on what was logical or rational some time ago, feeling like perhaps I had moved a little bit closer to the center of the universe.

I had bought pre-natal vitamin pills, as prescribed by the doctor. They were these enormous pills, practically half the size of my pinkie finger. I took them at the library, every morning, where my parents couldn't see. I worked very hard at the library; according to the dates set by the obstetrician, I was almost 10 weeks along. Two more weeks and I would finish the first trimester of my pregnancy. And I still hadn't told Charlie and Renée.

But first things first. I sat down and with Alice and Angela at the coffee shop, and broke the news to them. I explained the options I had to choose from. They were sweet and supportive, as I knew they would be—even a little bit excited at the prospect of a niece or nephew. Alice immediately offered to let me stay with her, if the worse came to pass. As soon as I processed their reactions, I felt a little bit lighter. Even if they couldn't do anything immediate to help my situation, just having them know was enough; _I_ would know that I had their support in whatever lay ahead.

I trudged through day after day in the library. Once, during my break, I headed to the machine for a snack. Waiting for the cookies to drop, I suddenly felt faint and little black spots clouded the edge of my vision. I couldn't have been that hungry; I felt my heart race and then the linoleum was rushing towards my face. Thankfully, before I hit the ground, one of the other assistants caught me from behind. He was talking rapidly in my ear, telling me to breathe slowly, but he sounded very far away. With his arm around my waist (and one _i'mpregnant_ thought) he half-walked, half-dragged me to the campus nurse's office. While she took my pressure, I debated whether to tell her I was pregnant, since it would explain the fainting spell. I decided not to make a big deal out of it, and lied through my teeth when she asked for the possible causes.

I thought back to the last time Jacob and I had been together. A few days after our conversation, the winter evening had been surprisingly kind, cool with the barest hint of a chill; we sat on rocking chairs in his makeshift garage. While Jacob drank a beer, and I chewed some ice, we discussed possible names. We both hoped for a girl, especially me. I proposed a few names, amongst them Elizabeth, my favorite. He wanted Julia, after the Beatles' song. I suggested Jacob Alexander for a boy, but he argued against naming the baby after himself. We laughed as we considered a few names seriously, discarded many, and finally settled on two: Gabriel, if it was a boy, and Julia Elizabeth, if it was a girl. I remembered how light-hearted I had felt, for the first time in weeks. I held on tight to that memory.

Then, another recollection flashed through my mind, one that I had suppressed with unease. Before I stood up to leave that night, I reached over impulsively, and took his hand in mine. I placed it on my belly, although it was still unnoticeable. I smiled gently, imagining the baby might sense us. I glanced at Jacob, and caught a flicker of a wince cross his face. His hand twitched beneath mine, and he pulled it back quickly. I had tried to erase the hurt from my features. Why, I had no idea.

I shook my head, scattering memories. Screw it, I thought. Time was running out, and Jacob still couldn't tell me anything for certain. And that was what I needed right then, _certainty_. Reassurance on his part that he would be with me through everything, by my side, and that no matter how scared we might both be, everything would be okay.

As soon as I left my last class, I texted Jacob: _We need to talk. What time will you be home?_

He texted back, and the short message seemed ominous: _Come by at 10_.

**How does one not sound pregnant? I wonder… LOL! R&R!**


	8. Still There

**I'm posting this at 3:4****5 AM. It's not really relevant to the story, but it had to be mentioned, hehehe. **

"What do you mean, you don't know?" I sat on the edge of Jacob's bed, gripping the blue duvet in my fists.

Jacob paced the floor in front of me, the dim light from the lamps throwing his huge shadow on the walls. Every step he took made it harder for me to breathe properly.

"I thought you said you were happy about this, that somehow we would work things out. What happened?" I tried to concentrate, tried to keep the frustration out of my voice.

"I was happy, Bella." He ran his hands through his hair, clutching at his head.

"You _were_ happy? So what is this now, you lied to me?"

"No, I didn't lie to you. It's just that I am not ready for this."

"What the hell is this? You think _I_ am? I'm barely 21, Jacob. This wasn't exactly in my plans, it's not like I'm trying to trap you into anything. Is _that_ what you're thinking?" I pinched the bridge of my nose with two fingers; I didn't understand how I couldn't have seen this coming before.

"Actually, I don't think you're ready either. That's what I wanted to talk to you about." Jacob waved his hands, clearly irritated. He still paced left and right across the room, his strides becoming longer with anger. The fact that he was angry infuriated _me_.

"So what are you saying? You're not saying _anything_ that makes sense!" I pushed myself off the bed and blocked his path. I stood in front of him unimpressively; his head towered a foot above mine.

"I'm saying you're not ready for this, the responsibility of having a baby," he sighed, exasperated.

"God, you think I don't _know_ that?!" I let my breath out in a hiss, as he took my shoulders gently and made me sit back down on the bed. Jacob bent his knees, facing me now.

I glanced down at my hands. I couldn't meet his eyes as I blinked back tears, hating the idea of him thinking that I was trying to blackmail him with unnecessary drama. I tilted my head back at last, staring at the ceiling. Around me, his room was nearly as familiar as my own. The bookcase, crowded with books and picture frames; the enormous bed to accommodate his massive height, and the faded curtains over the window all stood as silent witnesses to my despair.

"Listen," Jacob said softly, one hand moving from my shoulder to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "I know we talked about this, and I know what you told me before, but I still think… look, I have this friend. Up at the Makah rez. Friend of a friend, really, who can get these pills for you." I froze, my eyes searching his in disbelief.

"Pills?" I repeated.

"Take them before you go to bed, and a few hours later…." He shrugged.

I still stared at him, horrified, shaken out of my stupor. "No. I can't."

"Bella, please, be reasonable," he pleaded.

"No! Can't _you_ understand?" I pushed him away, nearly causing him to overbalance. Tears kept sliding down my face, faster, as Jacob reached out and placed his hands on either side of my face. I shook my head, but he didn't let go. I locked my hands around his wrists, and he finally let his hands slide away from my face. I stood up and walked towards the door. He followed me as I stopped with my fingers on the handle.

I turned to look at Jacob over my shoulder. I knew he could see the hurt on my face, but he kept his expression carefully blank. He was the first to drop his gaze to the floor, but neither of us yielded. Swallowing hard against the knot in my throat, I twisted the handle and walked out.

Jacob accompanied me outside, as I took my truck keys out of my pocket and fiddled with the keychain. Before I opened the car door, I spun to face him as I had so many times before. I dabbed at my eyes with my coat sleeve; they stung in the wintry air. He still watched me with guarded eyes, revealing nothing.

"You're going to hate me for this, aren't you." I spoke steadily. It wasn't so much a question as an affirmation. "Do you hate me already?"

"I don't hate you."

"But you will." I looked at my shoes, while something akin to pain flowed through me.

"I don't think so." Jacob's fingers traced a line beneath my jaw to my chin, and lifted my face to meet his eyes. "If you don't want to… you know—if you change your mind…"

"No." I pulled away from his hand yet again. "Just tell me this. Are you sure you're still in this with me?" I took a deep breath, and held it waiting for his answer.

"I'm still here," he said quietly. He shoved his hands into his pockets. He didn't answer my question.

"I think it's time, Jacob. I'm telling my parents this Sunday. I would really like you to be there, but I won't ask that of you. I'll call you when the screaming is over." I opened the truck door and slid into the seat. Nausea rose inside me, but I knew it had nothing to do with being pregnant. Jacob shut the door for me, his hand lingering on the window for a second. I turned away from him. I drove away, heading out of La Push; I kept one eye on the rearview mirror until he was out of sight. My whole body shook in strange spasms of grief, as the truth behind everything Jacob had said hit home.

--

**Okay, waiting for the comments on Jake and the pills… some of that will be explained at the end of the story… patience… Please R&R!**


	9. No Such Thing

**A **_**really**_** long chapter… **

"No, Alice, you don't get it. I get sick just thinking about it." True to my words, my stomach dropped like an elevator. I nibbled on an apple as I held the phone tightly, hiding in the closet again. Maybe I should just move in here, I thought, and hide for the next nine months.

"Bella, don't worry. This is the hardest thing you'll have to do, ever. But once you're through—"

"I cannot even begin to think that this will be the hardest part. I seriously doubt that. What about later, you know, giving _birth_? Taking care of a newborn baby? I didn't even like dolls growing up!"

"Bella, you know what to do—call me as soon as it's over. If they want to kick you out, I'll go pick you up and you'll stay with me, okay?"

Easier said than done. What was I supposed to do after that? I mean, I was incredibly grateful to Alice for her offer, and fully intended to take her up on it. But Jacob's sudden and complete lack of involvement filled me with inexplicable dread whenever I thought about him—which was almost every minute of every day. We hadn't talked much since that night when he tried to convince me to get rid of the baby; remembering was enough to get the resentment pulsing through me, so I avoided the memory as much as I could.

He had been almost impossible to reach. When I called, he was not at home; his cell was unavailable, out of range, the helpful robotic voice informed me. He rarely answered my text messages, claiming to be in the middle of class or work. I couldn't believe that he could make me feel _guilty_ for something that was as much his fault as my own (if there was a fault to be had). Yet now it was Sunday, twelve weeks into our pregnancy—I refused to think of it as _mine_ alone—, on the verge of confessing to Charlie and Renée to what extent I had betrayed their trust and their faith in my responsibility.

I really couldn't put it off anymore. A couple of co-workers at the library had mentioned that I looked thinner; I had said something inane about black being slimming and smiled vaguely, but I felt my heart pound with anxiety. The scale didn't lie either—I had dropped about 3 pounds, which couldn't be healthy. I was also worried about how soon I would start to show. It was just too much to handle, and things were bound to start slipping through the cracks in my precarious sanity. I was walking a thin, nervous line, and I couldn't stand it. I had to know which side I was going to fall on.

I had only managed to call Edward briefly, telling him of my plans for Sunday. He was very busy studying, I knew, and although he had insisted again on being here with me, I felt he couldn't afford to make the trip up so close to the tests. I told him so, and he reluctantly accepted my argument. But then Edward promised he would come to Forks as soon as possible. I needed to _see_ him and let his comforting demeanor take hold of me for a few hours.

That Sunday night, all I could think about was how glad I was that I had to work the next day, which served as a great distraction. No matter what, I wouldn't have to face them so soon after the grenade went off. When I hung up on my conversation with Alice—with her reassuring me all the while that everything would be alright—I left the closet, tossing the apple core into the trash can. I looked around my bedroom at the bookcase, the shelves, my CDs, some of my clothes strewn about… pieces of my life that would hurt to leave behind. I wondered if I would see them again after tonight; there was only a limited amount of belongings I could pack. I had left a small wheeled suitcase on top of my bed, ready. I had snuck it out of the linens cupboard—it was Charlie's, but surely he wouldn't begrudge me that much.

Since I had seen the baby on that monitor, and especially since that horrible discussion with Jacob, I had been hoping for the best, while preparing for the worst. It seemed like the smartest, most sensible plan in order to keep from losing my mind. I wouldn't allow myself to hope too much, though; I knew that to see those hopes extinguished so utterly and completely would only hurt worse in the end.

I pulled my typed letter from under my mattress. I hadn't trusted my faulty handwriting, knowing that I would have to be able to read it through blinding tears. I went over it one more time, imagining how I would pause, speaking slowly, as calmly as I could before I broke down entirely. The glowing green numbers on my digital clock read nine. Not too late, just enough time for them to scream their heads off, shove me out the door with my pathetic suitcase, and have me at Alice's in time for bed. I grasped the paper tightly in my fist and crept out of my room.

I practically tiptoed to the kitchen, feeling like a thief or someone just as loathsome. I found Charlie doing the dishes; Renée was in bed with one of her migraines. I preferred telling him first, feeling he was less likely to explode. As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, I began crying. I tried to flee the kitchen, only to run smack into Jasper, who caught me, puzzled, and sat me down once he took a look at my face. He did what I hadn't been able to, and called my father into the dining room.

"Dad, something's wrong with Bella." Jasper's worried frown mirrored my father's. Just then, Rosalie sauntered in too, and instantly looked confused by my barely controlled hysterics. An audience, great. They surrounded me, really concerned. I managed to control myself enough to sound intelligible.

"Dad, please sit down. There's something I want to say to you." I suppressed the sobs, only letting the tears escape freely. There was nothing I could do about them. My father, my brother, and my sister sat around the dining table, faces expectant.

"Please don't say anything until I'm done." With a sighing hiccup, I began to read my letter out loud in a very unsteady voice. I didn't dare look up at any of their expressions. My hands trembled so much I had to lay the paper flat on the table, in order to be able to read from it. I hugged myself tight, trying not to fall apart as I came to the end of the missive.

The silence was deafening. I still couldn't bring myself to look at them. I wondered how much hate or disgust would be reflected in their eyes. Finally, I heard Jasper swallow hard, and that made me glance upward. He had very suspicious red eyes. As soon as I turned my glazed stare on her, Rosalie began to cry, silently. Then I slowly twisted my head to look at Charlie.

He was alarmingly unresponsive, strangely calm. He rubbed his arm absently, his gaze on the wooden tabletop. He was quiet for so long, I began wondering if he was having a stroke or something. What was he thinking? The only sounds to break the silence were Jasper trying to clear his throat manfully and Rosalie's quiet sobbing. I wanted to take it back, make them forget everything I'd just said. I was scared that maybe I was giving him a heart attack.

"Dad?" My voice broke. "Please say something." I started shivering from head to toe, my teeth chattering uncontrollably. I hated that I always felt cold when I was nervous.

"Well." My father hesitated. "So Jacob… you… this is what you planned?"

"This is some of what I planned. Solutions." I didn't mention Jacob's solution.

"And have you made a decision yet? What are you going to do?" He still wasn't looking directly at me. I couldn't blame him.

"Nothing's definite," I muttered. "But I _am_ having it." I wanted to be very clear on that point.

"Okay," he considered my answer. He was thoughtful for another minute. At least he wasn't visibly angry, or yelling. I couldn't stand it if he shouted.

"Dad, I will understand if you don't want me here anymore. I can leave, 'cause none of this is your fault or your responsibility. I mean it." I started to get up, but he held a hand out to me.

"Not now. First, your mom has to hear this too." My mother, of course. I would much rather leave the house than face Renée. I closed my eyes; I couldn't imagine going through it again, reading the letter to her. The prospect terrified me.

Charlie seemed to sense this. He stood up, suddenly looking very old. My eyes hadn't stopped tearing, and now a fresh wave of sobs surged through me. It was all my fault.

"Let me." My father's voice was soft. I stared at him confusedly. I was so close to the edge I could practically feel myself falling off it.

"What?"

"I'll tell your mother." My relief must have been very evident on my face, because he said sternly, "You know she'll want to say her piece too, and I'm not going to stop her, but I have to calm her down first. I don't want her to say things she'll regret later, because she's going to want to hurt you at first."

"I don't blame her. I know I deserve it." We both knew her well enough to be sure of some of the more creative insults Renée would throw at me, no matter what my father did to calm her down.

"But not right now." Charlie tried to smile, but it cost him. I loved him more for that. He marched towards the hallway, already bracing himself.

As I watched his back turn the hallway corner, I finally broke down. I gasped for air, my stomach heaving. My breath came out in spasms, alarming Jasper. Rosalie was still crying quietly across from me, but he reached out to me, holding me awkwardly as I clutched at myself. I could feel a hole burning in the middle of my chest, its edges fresh and raw. Some of the worst was over, and it had been so hard I couldn't bear the thought of more pain. But of course, there was still more of that to come.

Rosalie finally uncurled herself from the chair and came over to me. The three of us hugged fiercely, and I experienced a sense of release. Holding each other, we waited. We didn't hear any immediate screams of rage from the general direction of our parents' bedroom. I wondered if perhaps she had passed out in her fury. Not being able to hear any sounds of her reaction made me more uneasy than if she had stormed out of her room and confronted me immediately. The suspense was horrible to tolerate.

Finally, we heard the door open. It didn't slam against the wall, at least. I heard her slippered footsteps coming down the hallway, just like I had since early childhood. I implored with my eyes, but Jasper and Rosalie let me go and retreated to their chairs. Only slightly less alone than I had been an hour ago, I watched as Renée entered the dining room. Well, I was mostly looking at my feet, as I sensed her hovering next to me. Anger like heat radiated from her body, the waves hitting me until I dared peer into her eyes.

The expression on her face made me flinch. Even before the words were out of her mouth, I was leaning as far back in my chair as possible, cringing away like she had slapped me.

"Why, Bella? _How could you?_" She was hissing through her gritted teeth. I was sure my father had warned her against outright screaming, and it was all she could do to restrain herself. I pulled my feet up on the chair like a small child—at least, I still fit. Something about my expression must have told her that I was close to snapping under the pressure, because she inhaled sharply and pursed her lips until they disappeared into a thin line.

My dad suddenly came up behind her, and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Easy," he warned.

Renée backed off, retreating into her chair. I looked at her warily, afraid she might pounce at any moment. Finally, she let her breath out in a huff and stared hard at me. _Hard_.

"I'm trying to understand here—"

"Mom, I'm sorry."

"Shut up. Let me finish! I'm trying to understand how you could have been so _stupid_, after all we have done for you, all we have given you, and you have to get knocked up by that idiot! Where is he in all of this?"

I'd been wondering when Jacob would come up. She ran her hand through her hair and threw me another vicious look. Charlie sat in his chair and remained silent.

"It's not like I did it on purpose," I muttered, risking a little sullen glare of my own. "As for Jacob, well… he says he's going to be here for me."

"_Be_ there for you?" Her voice was harsh and grating. "What kind of crap answer is _that_?!"

"It means what it means. He's not going to bail on us." I surprised myself with the apparent steadiness of my voice.

"Oh, okay, so _that_ makes it alright, does it?"

"Mom, I've said I'm sorry, and that I'm not alone in this. Like I said to Dad, if you don't want me here, I'm ready to leave. I understand if you don't want me in your house."

Renée's eyes flashed. "We're getting to that. Now answer me, although I really don't want to ask. Weren't you being careful? At all?"

I flushed darkly. "We were."

"So what happened?"

"We were being careful. Sometimes you aren't careful enough." I was starting to get angry. "God, it's not like it was on purpose, Mom!" Then I shut my eyes and bit my lip. It didn't help that we were both enraged. Plus, that wasn't really my privilege. Charlie still hadn't said a word.

When I opened them again, she was crying, quietly. My heart broke a little then, if it hadn't before. Just another tiny fissure line, nothing I hadn't endured before. You don't ever want to be responsible for making your own mother cry; I knew her heart was broken, too.

She wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands, just like I did. Renée was calming down, and I didn't want to blow it. I stared at my feet; her grief seemed like a private thing I shouldn't witness.

"Well." Her voice was hoarse. "We're not going to make you leave. You'll stay here, until we figure some things out."

"Okay." A little balloon of hope threatened to rise in my chest. I destroyed it quickly. This couldn't possibly be that easy.

"And Jacob… what's going to happen? Are you getting married, his parents, what do they have to say about this?"

I knew that was going to come up. "We haven't talked about getting married, but I don't think we're going to do that."

Her eyes hardened again. "Why not?"

"I just don't think that it's right to try and cover up one mistake with another." Actually, Jacob and I hadn't even discussed marriage as an option, but knowing him as I did, we would not be getting married. I wasn't sure I wanted to.

I could see that this upset her more than anything else that had happened that night. Renée had something to say about appearances, and she worried endlessly about what her friends thought and said in this tiny town. This was beyond scandalous and appalling, my being pregnant and not getting married right away. She knew she wouldn't be able to force me into anything.

"That's what you think now. But I guess that you'd feel differently once everyone starts talking about you and pointing fingers at your back."

"No, Mom, _you_ worry about the pointing fingers. I don't care. If they want to reject me and drive me away from all respectable society, fine." I kept my tone firm, but could not help the sarcasm that leaked into it. "I don't need any of them. All I need is your support, if you want to give it to me."

"And Billy, what does he have to say? Is he coming over to speak with us?"

God, I hated her questions—I didn't have any solid answers. I silently cursed Jacob for leaving me to face this alone. And I cursed myself for not insisting that he be here, like someone else might have done. "I don't know."

"Well, what _do_ you know?"

"I'm tired, Mom."

"How far along are you?" She eyed me speculatively.

"About twelve weeks," I whispered.

"You waited almost _three months_ to tell us?!" Renée looked like she might start losing it again.

"Can you blame me?" I stole a glance at Charlie. He stood up and finally spoke.

"You know what, Renée? It's getting late, and she should get some rest. We all should." He went to her and laid a hand on her shoulder again. She rose from the chair, shaking her head.

"We'll talk some more tomorrow. I still can't believe it, Bella."

"Neither can I, Mom. But it's real. I've seen the baby, on ultrasound. It's there."

She opened her mouth as if to say something more, then closed it and shook her head again. "Tomorrow."

"Okay. I'm sorry, I really am."

"Go to bed." My parents left the dining room, holding on to each other; they didn't look at me as they walked away. My heart felt somewhat lighter, yet strangely heavier than it had been before.

I trudged after them to my room, and closed my bedroom door. I looked at the suitcase waiting on my bed, and slowly put it on the floor. I didn't want to unpack just yet—this calm after the storm might not last. I pulled on my pajamas, every movement dragging me down.

Finally, I turned out the light, and stretched out on my bed. The dark quickly took over my mind, exhausted. I fell asleep faster than I thought I would, not even giving myself the chance to reflect upon everything that had happened. For better or worse, my parents knew I was pregnant, that they would be grandparents. That their twenty-something daughter would soon be a mother. And Jacob—well, Jacob…

Lighter, but heavier.

--

**One of the hardest things I've ever had to write… hope you all liked it. R&R!**


	10. Unexpected

**We need a little more Edward in this story, don't we… allow me to oblige! Thanks to all you reviewers… lots more to come!**

--

The doorbell rang while I was upstairs in my room. I was trying to focus on reading for a class; it had been a very uneventful Saturday. A week after I had told my parents I was pregnant, not much had happened. Things were pretty quiet at home. I knew Rosalie was watching TV downstairs on the couch; but I couldn't hear her answering the door.

"Rose? Can you get that?" I called down. Silence.

"Fine. I'll get it myself." I threw the book on the bed, marking my place with a pencil. I managed not to trip on the stairs as the doorbell rang twice again. I sailed past Rosalie on the couch, where she was flipping through the channels.

"Don't bother, Rosalie." She smirked and clicked off the TV set. She sauntered into the kitchen as I reached the door and flung it open.

"Edward!" He stood in front of me like a mirage; I couldn't believe he was actually here. I threw my arms around his neck and held him tight. He leaned in and hugged me too.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were studying!" I felt my feet being lifted off the floor for a second before he set me down gently and held me at arm's length.

"I decided to take a few days off. Never mind that, how are you?" Edward scrutinized my face, triggering a blush. His green eyes were fraught with concern.

"I survived. Everyone knows, and I'm still here." I gave him a lopsided smile.

"Told you. Wish you would have let me be here." He returned my smile with a crooked one of his own, and glanced behind me through the open front door. "Is your family home?"

"Charlie and Renée are out, Jasper's off playing baseball, and _Rosalie_," I said loudly for her benefit, "is too lazy to open doors." I heard her laugh from the kitchen before she appeared holding a bowl of ice cream in her hands. It occurred to me that she must have known he was coming.

"Hey Rose." Edward grinned. He had really wanted to surprise me.

"Hey Edward. Why don't you take Bella out somewhere? She's been holding herself hostage all week. Some air might do her good."

"Good idea. Let's go, Bells." He reached out and took my hand in his, leading me down the porch steps. I rolled my eyes back at Rosalie but followed willingly enough. We climbed into Edward's silver Volvo.

"Where do you want to go?" Edward reached over and helped me buckle the seatbelt as I fumbled with the clasp. His hands were warm for the chilly February day. I smiled in thanks.

"I don't know. Coffee, maybe?"

"You shouldn't drink coffee in your condition." Edward looked sideways at me and winked. I sighed.

"You're the doctor. Or, will be, at any rate." He turned the Volvo around and headed into town. I knew we would end up at my favorite coffee shop, where I often hung out with Alice and Angela.

As we sat at a table, we filled each other in on everything that had happened since the last time we talked. Edward was almost ready for the MCATs, and hoped to get into medical school at the University of Washington. He mentioned how Carlisle and Esme had been dying to see me, and how come I hadn't gone to visit them in awhile?

He let me have one cup of coffee, claiming that too much caffeine was not good for pregnant women. I grudgingly conceded; laughing, he told me that to compensate, I could have as many cookies as I wanted.

Edward drained his own cup, and signaled the waitress for a refill. "So… how did it really go with Charlie and Renée?" His eyes settled on mine, waiting. I hesitated, unsure where to start. He reached over the table and took one of my hands in his, squeezing it gently. I took a deep breath and told him what had gone down that week.

I had let the bomb drop on Sunday. On Wednesday, Renée called a meeting with all my nearby family. I had sat that afternoon in my own personal hell. I felt like I had been there for the past two months. But then, it was as though I were roasting slowly over the flames. I could feel every single one of their stares on me, even as I kept my eyes on my shoes. My mother's family (my aunts, uncles, and cousins) gathered in our living room; they had been summoned to receive the news about the arrival of another member into the family. Edward smiled ruefully when I told him that.

Renée had managed to turn it into a reunion, even going so far as to force me to bake a cake. She expected them at the house by six, and I would have class until eight. I had figured it gave me a pretty safe margin of time—I had hoped to avoid actually being there when she told them, but no such luck. I had crept into the house like a thief through the kitchen door, peeking around the fridge and listening for any unfamiliar voices. As I tried to sneak past them into my bedroom, I had been ambushed by Rosalie and made to sit in the living room.

"When Renée told them she was going to be a grandmother, before I got home," I recounted, looking at Edward, "they immediately assumed it was Rosalie. She was pissed." He laughed, imagining Rose's face.

As I traced the rim of my empty coffee cup, I continued with my story. It felt better, letting it all out, Edward holding my hand. I remembered how I had endured the flood of questions and comments as best I could, without flying into an unreasonable rage; however, there had been the barely controlled frustration. I had bitten back many sarcastic replies, in an effort to keep the peace. After all, I hardly had the moral high ground.

In the interest of being able to say later on that I kept my cool, I had pretended I was made of stone and merely nodded or shook my head in response. That didn't stop me from sensing their eyes skimming over my as-yet-inexistent pregnant belly. But all of them—every single one of them—could not reiterate enough how much they supported me, how much they loved me. Wasn't home the place where they catch you if you fall?

"And even then," I admitted to Edward, "I didn't stop to wonder why Jacob couldn't be sitting there next to me."

At the mention of Jacob's name, Edward looked down and pursed his lips. I peered into his face, trying to read his expression. His green eyes finally glanced my way, and he shrugged. "I still don't understand," he said quietly. "How he couldn't have been there." Edward had recognized the situation better than I had; something so simple as keeping your word, and actually _being there_ when you say you will.

I slid my hand out of his grasp, tears welling up. I couldn't figure out if I was angry or hurt or just emotional. My emotions were all over the place lately.

Edward quickly took my hand again, apologizing. "I'm sorry, Bella. It's just that… you're so amazing, it's hard for me to see why he isn't thrilled about this miracle, this life growing inside you. It's his, too, and he is not aware of how valuable that is." The fact that he would not even say Jake's name did not escape me. And neither did the look in his Edward's eyes.

Suddenly, it brought back a different memory. A year ago, give or take; before Jacob. We had gone to the movies, just him and me, when all our other friends hadn't been able to make it. Nothing out of the ordinary, laughing, joking, just friends. After the movie, he drove me home from Port Angeles. We lapsed into comfortable silence. Edward walked me up the porch steps to my front door, and we just stood there, saying good night. As I reached for the door, I looked back at him, and for a fleeting second, the oddest expression filled his eyes. I couldn't quite place it, but it made my heart stutter. In that same second, it was gone.

I shook my head. Edward was here, in front of me, helping me, being my friend. Of course he loved me, like I loved him, almost like my brother.

"Thank you for looking out for me, Edward. You don't know how much this means to me." I hesitated, and smiled at him.

"Always, Bella. Always."

The subject of Jacob didn't come up for the rest of the evening.

--

**H****ope you liked it. R&R!**


	11. Out Of Sight

**I'm sorry I can't update as often as I did during the weekend, since now I'm back at work, and I have some re-writes to do for the story… but I'll try. I just love getting those review alerts in my inbox (hint hint)… thanks!**

--

When Edward dropped me off at home later, he came in to chat with Charlie and Renée for a bit. They had always loved Edward like a son, as my best friend, and he saw them and Jasper and Rosalie as his family too. My brother and sister were home too, and it felt like a real reunion.

Renée practically kidnapped Edward; we all sat in the living room while my mother talked his ears off. She took for granted the fact that I had already informed Edward about the "little stranger". After maybe 20 minutes, I finally stepped in and tried to rescue him.

"Mom, I'm sure Edward has to go home now." I stared meaningfully at him while I stood up.

"Oh, that reminds me. Esme would like to see you tomorrow. How about breakfast? Pick you up at eight? Okay, ten…" he amended, seeing the look on my face. Besides being able to sleep in, I tended to feel very dizzy early in the mornings. No need for him to see me like that.

I walked him to the door, and kissed his cheek goodbye. I leaned against the door, waiting until he drove away. Renée grabbed me before I could go upstairs, and made me eat some dinner. I felt like I could breathe easier than I had in weeks. When I was finally allowed to leave the table, I stopped to give Rosalie a hug for the part she played in Edward's surprise arrival.

As I crawled into bed, Jake also crept back into my thoughts. He hadn't called that day, nor had I really expected him to. Forks was a tiny town; no doubt he would soon know Edward was here for a visit. Aware of how close I was to Edward, Jacob would want to avoid _that _particular confrontation.

I placed my hands protectively over my stomach, while I mused over the little Gabriel or Julia Elizabeth inside me. My friends all continued to be incredibly supportive, and had helped me feel as though I always had steady ground beneath me; I clung to it, seeking comfort. I wondered, about Jacob, about whether he would come around or not. I had a temporary job, my studies, and now, I had to help this baby on its way to being born. It was all falling into place, sort of, but for that one important piece.

--

The next morning, Sunday, I had the best carefree time I'd had in a long time. Carlisle had to work at the hospital, but Esme and Edward were there, full of laughter. She had made pancakes especially for me, and even remembered how I liked lots of butter, no syrup, from all those late-night study sessions in high school.

With Edward sitting beside me, Esme asked me how I'd been feeling, and compared all the crazy symptoms she'd experienced with mine. It was as though all of the loneliness and frustration of the past three months hadn't existed.

But apparently that even 10 AM was not late enough to avoid morning sickness. I excused myself mid-sentence and rushed to the bathroom as a wave of vertigo and nausea assaulted me. Edward and Esme were right behind me. She held back my hair as I retched bent over the toilet; Edward hovered anxiously at the door. Esme helped me off the floor while I apologized profusely.

"Oh, Esme, I'm so sorry, really—"

"Don't worry about it Bella, it's alright. It happens."

I felt better after I had rinsed my mouth out. Esme told me how Edward had made her feel nauseated five months straight. "But trust me, it's worth it." She looked fondly at Edward. "My baby boy, all grown up. Smart and handsome and sweet…"

"He is all that," I agreed, laughing. "The girl who catches Edward will be very lucky to have him."

"Thank you, _mothers_." Edward rolled his eyes at us, while we smiled indulgently at him.

--

I was lying on the living room couch, Edward in a chair beside me. I had spent all Sunday morning and afternoon at Edward's parents' house. Then I had to catch up on my assignments late Sunday evening. Monday morning found me tired but happy. I went to work my shift at the library, while he spent some time at home. But he tagged along to all my afternoon classes on campus. I didn't mind, although he did insist on carrying my backpack and books for me. He was leaving tomorrow, and I wanted to be with him as much as possible.

It was dark out in the February night; Edward would be driving back to Seattle early the following morning. I felt like I had been going, going, all day and hadn't given myself time to think about Jacob. Edward had only briefly commented on Jake's continued absence. I had received one phone call that afternoon, cut short when he realized that I was with Edward.

Edward had kept most of his comments mostly to himself, knowing that they upset me. But I had a feeling that if he came face to face with Jacob, it would probably come to fists. It didn't feel remotely cool, this damsel in distress thing. It made me uneasy, especially when I recalled that _look_ in Edward's eyes.

But I made up lame excuses for Jacob, as usual. He was busy studying, I told both myself and Edward. He was trying to gain admission into a business internship program in Portland (although that was true)—saying anything to justify Jake's absence. Edward had dropped the subject. Now I was completely exhausted and half-asleep.

"When's your next doctor's appointment?"

"Oh, sometime this week. Renée's making me go to her doctor now." This morning, Renée had caught me before I left for the library, and told me that she was making me an appointment with her own gynecologist. I reminded _her_ that I had already been to one, but she didn't care. As long as they were going to do this, she said (by _this_ I knew she meant helping me through the pregnancy, supporting me both financially and emotionally), they were going to do things their own way. It didn't give me much room or right to negotiate. But Edward didn't need to know all that.

"How are you feeling now?" He held my hand, as though he were sitting next to a sick patient. Though sometimes I was slightly annoyed by his over-protectiveness, I didn't want to move at all.

"Okay. Except for the dizzy spells, which totally suck. I'm fine."

"You have to send me a picture of the ultrasound when you get one."

"Sure." I yawned, stretching a bit on the couch. I nestled more comfortably into the cushions, smiling up at Edward. He understood like no one else. He had laughed with me when I told him how Charlie and Renée wanted to send me to a psychologist (though I sincerely believed they meant psychiatrist)—to help me with this situation. There is no _situation_, I argued. I'm pregnant, I told them, not crazy. The possibility of adoption also came up. I had thought about it in the beginning, I admitted. But I realized I couldn't live without knowing my baby's face, wondering every single day if he or she looked like Jacob or me. To give up the baby willingly, was something I could never bring myself to do. Edward understood.

I felt my eyes half-close. "So, good luck on the CAT-test things."

"The MCATs, thanks." he chuckled. He peered into my sleepy face. "Maybe I should get going. You're pretty out of it." He made as if to rise from the chair.

"No, wait." I held on to his hand, forcing him to sit down again. "Not until I'm completely asleep. I'd feel better… if you were here…" My voice trailed off.

"And what are you going to do for the rest of the week? If I'm not here to help you sleep, I mean," he teased.

"Oh, no." I smiled, remembering what he'd said to me the first time he left to live in Seattle. "You may go, but you never leave me." I closed my eyes, drifting off. Edward still held my hand.

But that night, I dreamed again of Jacob.

--

**A bit slow, I know… it will pick up, don't worry. Please R&R!**


	12. Secrets

**Just remember it's AU… some of Jacob's character may seem unexpected… but plausible.**

**--**

_As I dreamed, memories of the moments we shared flooded me at every turn. They occupied strange corners in my recollections and crept upon me, suddenly and unexpected. What made them so special, so sweet—in my mind at least—was that they were known only to us. I was also lying to Renée more than I ever had in my life, and the reasons behind that still weren't very clear, even to me. She didn't approve of Jacob at all; I felt it necessary to keep some of this from her and Charlie. I had become very good at it; although, it wasn't really something to be proud of. I was bound to start believing my own deceit and excuses. _

_ But these were the moments that filled my days, and made me keep secret smiles to myself._

_I sat beside __Jacob in silence, listening to my heart pound crazily. We were watching a movie in his living room, some action flick he liked a lot. In the beginning, I actually paid some attention to the plot; then he slowly but surely edged closer to me, until he had his arm around my waist. Then I stopped concentrating on the movie, and was only completely aware of my racing heartbeats. _

_"So this guy is the same one as before? And they killed him?" I said nervously, trying to pretend I still cared about the movie. He nodded, staring at the screen. I looked at my watch—12:30 __AM__. My curfew on weekend nights was at 1:30. There was still plenty of time for me to get home. Except I didn't really want to go yet. _

_My cell phone rang then, and I jumped. I reached quickly into my purse, and checked the caller ID. My mother, of course. Guilt prickled the back of my neck, as I ignored the ringing until she hung up. I was supposed to be at the movies, with my friends. She didn't usually call to check up on me, but she must have been listening to her intuition. Lately, Renée had been a little bit paranoid; whenever I got home even 10 minutes past my curfew, she grilled me about every detail, like where I'd been and who with. She was right to feel like this—her suspicions were accurate enough._

_As I slipped the cell back into my bag, __Jacob shifted closer to me, and laid his head on my shoulder. My heart immediately sprinted into a frantic pace, and I felt myself blush. I wondered if he could feel the heat on my face—my inner agitation was evident enough._

_I could barely understand the movie's ending, with him that close to me. His __dad Billy was out at his friend Harry's for the evening, and his sisters were out, too. As the credits rolled, I made to stand from the couch. _

"_I have to go, she'll start calling again." Suddenly, his hands held me by the waist and pulled me back down to sit. _

"_It's not that late. You don't have to go anywhere." Taking advantage of my slightly shocked expression, he leaned in and nuzzled the hollow beneath my ear. This was getting to be too much. I couldn't think of anything to say, as his nose trailed my jaw line and down my neck._

"_Um… I really do… have to go…." Coherency was becoming a problem. As I tried to string together words that made sense, he touched his lips to mine, and I gave up trying. He combed his fingers through my hair; before I lost it completely, I managed to pull away and smile at him. _

"_I have to go _now_." He sighed, returned my smile, and walked me to the door. I made it home with plenty of time to spare. _

_--_

_I stirred the saucepan on the stove, leaning over to catch the simmering scent of tomato and __peppers. Jacob stood at the table, dicing chicken and humming quietly. _

"_You know what? There is no way this is going to be enough." I glanced at the remaining ingredients on the kitchen counter. "Your __friends eat way too much." _

_He __came over to peer into the pot. "Looks like enough."_

_I snorted. "Oh, please. You could eat the whole thing by yourself. And just leave me to starve." I __set the spoon on a plate and moved to slice more tomatoes. He stepped behind me before I picked up the knife, sliding his arms around my waist. I turned my head to find his face close to mine, resting on my shoulder. I leaned into him for a moment. _

"_Mmm… y__ou smell like… perfume."_

_I l__aughed. "Intuitive. _You_ smell like chicken. Go wash your hands!" I smacked him playfully, while he bent down to kiss the top of my head. The everyday scent of home cooking pervaded the house._

_--_

_Glasses clinked on the table, deafening music pounding all around. We had escaped out to the bar's open-air lounge, __where we sat at a small wooden table. Jacob ordered two drinks, and we listened while we waited. My cell phone was off, even though I hadn't lied to Renée that much. I had told her I was going out—I simply neglected to tell her with whom._

_He __drummed his fingers on the table's surface, keeping time with the song's beat. I tapped my own foot below the table, singing to the lyrics we both knew so well. _

"_I want to dance." He interrupted my singing with a grin. _

_I__ laughed. "I don't dance."_

"_Everybody can dance… it's all about natural rhythm."_

"_And lack of natural coordination."_

_A waiter appeared with our drinks. __I tossed my hair back, shaking it loose behind me. He bent towards me and caught a lock of hair in his hand. He twisted it around his finger. _

"_I've been thinking about cutting it." His closeness made me nervous, as usual. I blurted out the first thing that came to mind._

"_Why?" he asked, surprised._

"_It might be getting too long." That was true. "Besides, when I get bored, it's usually the first thing to change."_

"_Please don't." Jacob's whisper was almost harsh. "Or if you do, save it for me" He tried to look serious, but a tiny smirk played around the corners of his lips. _

"_Ew! Why would you want my hair?" I snickered, and reached for my drink. _

"_I love your hair." He offered me a smile. _

_Taken aback, I shrugged. __"It's yours." _

_He l__eaned in further, and buried his face in my hair, sending shivers down my back. _

_--_

"_I have never, ever, ever, been to Disneyland."_

"_You promised you wouldn't use that one," I complained. __Jacob grinned while he poured out a vodka shot. I tilted my head back and swallowed it fast. I wasn't drunk at all, just slightly buzzed. I had only agreed to drink since I wasn't driving. I had arranged for Alice to drop me off at his house and pick me up later when I called her. The perfect excuse and alibi; she was off to meet some friends at a nearby bar, always the DD. _

_It had started out innocently enough, with both of us sitting __in his garage, while I drank a Coke and he fiddled around with his car. Later on, he produced the vodka bottle, and proposed a drinking game: if either of us mentioned something the other had never done before, there was a penalty vodka shot. As the game progressed, his tactics got dirtier. I wished I hadn't revealed so many things about myself. _

"_Excellent. Your turn." He picked up __a wrench and disappeared beneath the hood. He could hold his liquor far better than me. I tried to think of one. _

"_Okay. I have never, ever__, ever—learned to speak Japanese."_

_He looked up from the __car and grinned. "Sorry. Good try, though."_

"_I don't believe you. Japanese? _Seriously_?" I stared at him in disbelief. The smile was annoying. _

"_I know, pretentious, right? It's just that French __is so ordinary…" I glared at him. He knew of my obsession with all things Parisian. _

"_Prove it." I hid the bottle behind my back, and crossed my arms. __Jacob laid down the wrench in his toolbox. He walked through the kitchen door into the house. I waited._

_When he emerged, he carried a thin spiral notebook in his hands. Dropping __down on one knee, he held out the notebook to me. I took it grudgingly, and flipped through the pages. Of course. Notes, lessons, vocabulary, and Japanese kanji writing—how infuriating. _

"_I should have mentioned Chinese, then." I returned the notebook. __"Or is there any other secret you would like to tell me now? Before I get in too deep?" I raised one eyebrow at him mockingly. _

_He shook his head. "None I can think of." _

--

**Bella's remembering through her dreams the way she would interact with Jacob… since Renee wouldn't approve, their relationship was sort of secret. Which means she got into more trouble when she got pregnant… is it making sense?**** They're also older, think 21-22. Oh, yeah, I gave Jacob a language… again, projecting a bit, but I had to compensate for loving Edward so much as a character… :P**_  
_


	13. Left To Lose

**I know I said I wouldn't update so often, but my daughter took an extra long nap today… I just can't get my head out of Forks. Thanks for reading!**

--

I lay on the examination chair, waiting for the doctor to perform the ultrasound. I gripped Renée's hand, nervous. It wasn't the first time I would see the baby on the screen, but now it would be different; it was bound to be bigger, maybe more recognizable. My mother was excited, happy to be able to see her future grandchild for the first time. She had picked the doctor, her own, to be my obstetrician for the rest of the pregnancy. We drove to the Forks' Clinic. Although I felt self-conscious and embarrassed to have a man for a gynecologist, he soon put me at ease with his easy-going manner and friendly banter.

The doctor had jotted down my medical history, ordered blood tests, and weighed me. I was at 110 pounds, slightly above normal for my height—even though I had lost a lot of my appetite since I found out I was pregnant. I stood on the scale in a flimsy paper gown.

"Okay," he said, "I think you can stand to gain about 25 pounds total, by the end of your pregnancy. I'm feeling generous today." He grinned. Twenty-five pounds? Was he crazy? At five feet tall, 25 would look like a hundred. I swallowed hard and stepped off the scale, feeling like a whale even though I was barely showing. I had lain back on the examination chair on the stirrups, fuming. That was when Renée joined me in the room and took my hand, expectant and eager.

Finally, the doctor placed the cursor on my belly. He moved it around for awhile, and there it was. He pointed it out on the screen, amidst the electronic snow. It _was_ bigger, maybe half the size of my fist. Renée squeezed my hand, her eyes welling up. Immediately, my mind jumped to Jacob. I couldn't believe he wasn't the one standing next to me, with me. Something tugged at my heart, acid and painful.

I tried to keep my expression neutral, as the doctor told me that everything was fine with the baby, but that he couldn't tell if it was a boy or girl yet. He printed a picture of the ultrasound directly from the machine; I'd have to make a copy for Edward. I thanked him as I lifted myself from the chair, with Renée's help. As I dressed in the small bathroom, my mind raced with everything the doctor had said, with thoughts of Jacob mixed in for added confusion. I felt bone-tired.

As Renée drove us back home, chattering happily all the way about the baby and the good news, I stared morosely out the window at the speeding trees and dashing rain. The one person who should have shared these moments with me was still completely absent, both physically and emotionally. I knew that the being-pregnant part was not the same for me as for him; I had proof inside me that I would soon be a mother. He just didn't see it, or feel it. It terrified me to think that he might never do so. Nodding mechanically at Renée's words, I gritted my teeth and resolved to try one more time.

Where did Jacob fit into all of this, where did he _want_ to fit? I still had many plans to make; all of them would be incomplete as long as he didn't make up his mind. I needed to know whether he wanted to be part of them or not. His lack of involvement hadn't ceased to surprise me, but I was reluctant to push him too much, afraid that he might go over the edge and refuse to see me at all.

My parents had managed not to pry too much, acknowledging that I was old enough to deal with the situation. I wasn't sure Billy knew he was about to become a grandfather, or if he cared. I still wasn't clear on why he didn't like me. I would have thought that the right thing for Jacob to do would have been for _him_ to come talk to my family, but he hadn't—and wouldn't.

Why didn't that matter more to me? I cradled my belly. Apparently love was not only blind, it was incredibly stupid. I still tried so hard to justify Jacob's attitude and actions, when they did nothing but hurt me more. What seemed more important, it hadn't really begun to infuriate me as it should. I acknowledged that it should piss me off, that I had a right to be a little more self-righteous. As I sat there, I slowly got more and more agitated, riled up and angry. That whole, closer-to-the-center-of-the-universe thing was kicking in.

It was time to lay everything on the table—again—and hope for the best.

--

Jacob's cell was still unavailable. I peeked out of the supply closet into the library. I cursed my stupid phone, as I hung up again on yet another call that went unanswered. I was having a hard time getting a hold of him; when I did, he was busy and couldn't talk, beyond telling me that he hadn't had a chance to tell his parents. I couldn't believe it; he lived only fifteen minutes away and he couldn't even stop and see me for five minutes. Edward, on the other hand, called me every other day and was planning an extended vacation in Forks as soon as he was free.

Charlie and Renée had stopped asking about Jacob, and talked only of the doctor's appointment. They were worried about me, about my evident, swiftly-growing despair. I sensed there was an unspoken "I told you so" somewhere in their demeanor, but they didn't say a word. Jacob was never at home when I called; I had given up on hearing excuses from his friends, tired of his Embry's apologies and Quil's explanations.

I was running out of answers to everybody's questions. I was angry for having to cover for him—pretending everything was really fine between us when inside, I was tearing and clawing at the walls in anguish and frustration. Why should I pretend? I was very distracted at work, could barely concentrate in class, and was losing what little appetite I had. All the stress couldn't possibly be good for the baby.

I would try one last time to reach out to him, even if it made me feel like a total stalker. I had avoided doing this, but I decided to ditch class and go to his house as soon as my shift ended. I instinctively knew he would be home at this time. When the clock hit two, I dashed for my truck, threw my bag in the passenger seat, and sped clear across town.

I made the 40-minute drive from campus to La Push in half the time. My stomach was permanently clenched. I felt nervous, glancing in the rearview mirror and switching lanes indiscriminately, not even bothering to turn on the radio. As I pulled the truck around to his garage, I took a few deep breaths, which did nothing to calm me down. The place looked lonely somehow. Flattened cardboard boxes lay strewn in the tiny backyard. I pulled the gearshift into park, and tried his home number from my cell.

After a few rings, Billy answered; he didn't ask about the baby, surprise, surprise. He still didn't know. I asked for Jacob, making an effort to keep my voice steady, and was told to hold on a minute. The phone rustled before he picked up.

"Bella? What's up?"

"I need to talk to you. I'm here, outside." I winced at how that sounded, even to me. The word _stalker_ flashed through my mind again.

He paused. "Okay. Be right there." He hung up.

I switched my cell off and tossed it in my bag. I peered into the rearview mirror, as I took in the light purple circles under my eyes and slightly tangled hair. I was still holding out for the alleged 'pregnant woman glow'. I looked like crap, tired and careworn. I rubbed my hands over my face, wishing that were enough to improve it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the front door open, as Jacob stepped out into the dim light of the hidden sun.

He walked slowly towards the truck, taking his time. I laid my hands in my lap, where my fingers interlocked nervously. My heart skipped a couple of beats when I heard him open the door and sit beside me. Immediately after the door clunked shut, his mere presence used up all the air, leaving the atmosphere heavy and tense. The top of Jacob's head brushed the roof of the car, and he leaned back in the seat and stretched his legs. Finally, I couldn't bear the silence.

"I'm sorry." I immediately regretted feeling sorry. God, I felt like such an _idiot_.

"For what?" His voice was calm.

"For showing up like this. But I needed to talk to you, and you weren't answering your phone." As usual, I though to myself.

"Well then, I'm sorry." He offered no further explanations.

"I told my parents." _A few weeks ago. _I stared out the windshield. The air grew charged.

"What did they say?" Jacob sounded carefully composed.

"I was surprised. They said that they will help me out, with money and stuff. They were shocked, and angry, to say the least. But now they've calmed down and are starting to assimilate everything. Sort of." I finally got up the courage to look at him. He avoided my eyes.

"So…" I pulled my hair into a ponytail and twisted it to the side, to keep myself from hiding behind it. I felt my cheeks burn with a mixture of frustration and embarrassment. "When are you telling your dad?"

Jacob remained silent. My breathing accelerated, as the tension grew with each passing moment.

"It's not easy for me—"

"_Easy_?" I cut him off. "Of course it's not _easy_. I thought I was going to throw up, I nearly fainted, and my dad had to tell my mother, I was so upset." My voice rose a full octave in anger. I reminded myself to breathe slowly; the resentment didn't help the situation.

Jacob sighed. "You don't understand. I've got things going for me now. I might get that internship in Portland. There's no way I'd be earning enough to support us."

My fingers knotted together. "Back in December, you practically told me that I could come live with you, that Billy would understand. Now you're telling me what, that he's going to disown you, kick you out?" I strived to keep my tone even. "I was afraid they would throw _me_ out into the streets, but they didn't. And _I'm_ the one who's pregnant. Your dad can't be that unreasonable."

"But he could be. My sister, that was different. As for me, if the job doesn't work out, he could cut me off without a cent. School, expenses, other stuff—it could get taken away." He crossed his arms. That gesture only incensed me further.

"You're afraid of losing money? It took everything _I_ had to tell my parents, and I'm still standing. They're expecting you to respond, to take some measure of responsibility." I drew in a shaky breath. I hated how my voice and my face gave me away.

"Bella—"

"Listen to me. _They_ might expect things from you. I don't." I forced myself to drag the words out. I resisted the urge to reach for his hand. "I want this to be simple for us. For instance, I am not asking you for marriage, or any sort of commitment." _Support_. I sensed his apprehension at the word. "I just want to know if I should include you in my plans."

"Look. Maybe I can give you some money, every week, every month. I could give you my name, whatever help you need. But I can't do more." His voice was hard; tears suddenly choked me, and for a moment wouldn't let me speak.

"So Billy would have this secret grandchild that he would never know about?"

"I'm sorry." He looked away. Nobody spoke for nearly five minutes. The silence grew painful.

"Please don't make me choose," I said in a small voice.

"I'm not making you choose."

"But you are. And I know what my choice is. I'm not asking you for money or your name on a piece of paper. That means nothing to me." I swallowed past the knot in my throat, willing myself to sound firm. "I am giving you a blank check. Tell me: are you with me, or not? I won't be mad; I won't come after you anymore. You'll never have to hear from us again. You can walk, right now." The stillness emanating from Jacob was nerve-wracking, and he still wouldn't answer.

Fear closed an icy hand around my heart, as it tried to beat steadily on. What was I doing? I realized then, how much I wished he would take my hand. I wanted him to look at me, to tell me that everything would be alright. I craved to feel his hands on my face, for him to stroke my hair as he held me close and made me feel safe. I hoped that he would _want_ me, utter a single word that would let me know he loved me.

"I think we should talk about this on Friday. We'll go out somewhere."

I let out my breath in a rush. I hadn't realized I had been holding it in.

"Until Friday… that seems like a long time." I was back on square one.

"I need to think, Bella. For both of us." He pursed his lips, glancing at the gray-hued sky through the window.

"Okay. Friday." I clasped my hands together, feeling they might reach out for his without my permission. I sensed his impatience, knew he wanted to leave now. "You'll call me?"

"I'll call." Jacob grasped the door latch and made to get out of the car. He hesitated before his long body unfolded itself from the seat. "I do love you, Bella. You know that, right?"

All I could do was look down at my hands as he leaned over and gave me a goodbye peck on the cheek. Insubstantial, expended mostly on air. I didn't dare move. He turned away from me as he got out of the truck, his motions slow and paused. I lifted my hands from my lap and placed them on the steering wheel, gripping it tightly, so that the shaking would not betray me.

I watched him walk back towards the house through the rearview mirror. Jacob loped away from me in graceful strides. His black hair ruffled lightly in the cool breeze. He didn't look back, as I would have done. He ducked his head as the front door opened and shut again.

That was the last time I saw him.

--

**Hahaha… I received a review where someone wanted to Jacob to get hit by a bus… all I can say is wait and read… thanks for all your comments!**


	14. More Than Promises

**Thanks for all your reviews, you guys… It makes the writing go easier… I'll try to update later on tonight. Please R&R!**

--

"_Where is he?!_" I cried out. I sat in the middle of my bedroom floor, violently punching the telephone keypad for what felt like the hundredth time. I plastered the phone to my ear, only to hear that cool robot voice inform me that the number I was trying to reach was unavailable.

I was reaching the end of my imperfect patience. More than angry, I think I was embarrassed, though it was a hard-to-place feeling at the time. I had foolishly told my parents that I had a date with Jacob, to talk things over. It felt more like an appointment to be kept, but I wasn't interested in the details. Charlie and Renée had said it was fine, that they hoped we would be able to work something out. All day Friday I was antsy and nervous, waiting for his call. It was now dark, almost nine o'clock, and I was still waiting.

My parents had gone out to dinner already, leaving me to my unease and barely concealed panic. I nibbled on cookies, still refusing to believe that I might not go out to dinner myself. I dialed over and over again, until I came to accept that Jacob had turned his cell phone off. I had no choice—I dialed his home number. His father answered.

"Um, hi—is Jacob home?"

"No, I'm sorry, who is this?" His voice sounded suspicious.

"It's Bella." Okay, he wanted to play that game. "I was wondering if you could tell me where he is? I've been trying to reach his cell, but I think he's out of range or something."

"Well, he's not home right now, and I can see his phone lying on front hall table. I don't really know where he might be." He was curt and to the point.

"Okay, um—thanks. Bye." I hung up and dropped the handset on the floor, burying my face in my hands. I could feel the tears start to prickle in my eyes, but I forced myself to hold them back. I couldn't believe it; he had _promised_ he would call.

I unfolded my legs from the floor, now tingling with pins-and-needles. I dragged myself onto the bed, curling up on my side. I felt so helpless and alone; the sensation burrowed deep and nestled in my heart, aching. I lay there, suppressing the pain with memories of summer, when I had been so _certain_ of Jacob's love for me. So sure he would never do anything to hurt me. Failing miserably in my attempts to distract my mind, I picked up a book and tried to focus.

Sometime near midnight, my cell phone rang. I hadn't fallen asleep, and the ringing got my heart beating faster. Charlie and Renée were not back, it could be them calling. I tossed the book on the floor and reached for my cell. I checked the number: Jacob. I briefly considered not answering—let him see what it felt like—, then I pressed OK and put the phone to my ear.

"What." My voice was flat and deadpan.

"Bella, I'm so sorry, I got caught up writing a paper here—"

"You're sorry a lot these days, aren't you."

"I'm trying to apologize. It wasn't my fault." He was immediately defensive.

"You couldn't spare a minute of your time to call or text that you wouldn't be able to make dinner tonight? That's just lame, Jacob. I don't want your excuses." I shifted on the bed, staring hard at the ceiling. I wanted to _hurt_ him, to be able to scream at him with complete abandoned rage, and then smash the phone against the wall. I blamed the pregnant mood swings.

"Look, I got tied up. But we could still do this tomorrow." He sighed.

"And will I still have to wait for you to call me?"

"No, I'll come straight by and pick you up at eight, okay?" Jacob's voice softened. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"Fine. I'll see you at eight tomorrow. Bye." I hung up angrily. I considered calling Edward for a moment, just for reassurance, but instead shut off my cell. I flung my arm over my eyes, trying to still my whirling thoughts until I drifted into an uneasy dream.

--

The next night, I waited for him, sitting stiffly on a kitchen chair. I had explained to my parents that Jacob had been stuck at school, and that we had rescheduled for Saturday. Jasper and Rosalie made themselves scarce. Charlie and Renée had eaten dinner themselves at eight and gone to their room by nine, awkwardly waiting with me for an hour. I kept my vigil, even as I glanced at the kitchen clock from my seat. It was now ten o'clock. He hadn't called. I clutched my phone in my hand, damp with cold sweat.

At eleven, I turned off the television that had kept me company for hours and crept to my room. I sat in the middle of my bed, debating whether to call him or not. I chafed at the keypad with my thumb, biting my lower lip. Finally, I held my breath while I dialed his number. One ring, two rings… I waited, until the call was transferred to voice mail. I dropped the cell on the floor.

Tears trickled down my face as I turned off my bedside lamp. Quiet, wrenching sobs tore from my chest; I cried until I felt hollowed out, numb with an aching pain that ripped me in half. I fell asleep.

I never heard from Jacob again.


	15. Unsaid

**Thanks for all your awesome reviews! I practically squeal with delight when I see the 'Review/Story/Author/Favorites' alerts in my inbox… I'm truly flattered, hehehe… now, on with the story!**

--

I leaned over the stove, ignoring the ringing phone. I glanced over my shoulder at Rosalie, sitting at the kitchen table eating and reading. The cordless receiver was next to her, and with a huff, she finally answered.

"Hello?" Rose listened for a bit, then held out the phone to me. "For you."

"Who?" I wiped my hands on my jeans, reaching out to take it from her hand.

"Some girl named Emily." She shrugged and returned to her book.

I cradled the phone between my chin and shoulder, while I added chicken to the vegetable soup simmering on the stove. "Hello?"

"Bella? This is Emily. Emily Young. You don't know me, I'm… from the Makah reservation. You're familiar with the Quileutes, I think."

My hands froze for a moment, and my heart sped up. "Yes." I didn't know what else to say.

"You knew Jacob Black." Emily paused. I couldn't decipher anything from her tone. Was it bad news? She said _knew. _Past tense. Did he get hit by a bus or something?

"You could say that," I said carefully. "What do you mean, _knew_?"

"I wasn't sure you were aware… oh, I really don't know how to say this. Jacob and Billy moved to Portland."

Silence.

"Bella?"

I swallowed hard. "I'm still here." I could feel a hoarse, teary quality threaten to overtake my voice. "He… they moved away? Why are you telling me this?"

"It's just that, I didn't know if you _knew_… or how much you know now. There was this note—" She trailed off, sighing. "I'm also Leah's cousin."

Leah, the ex-girlfriend. I was still confused about the finer points of this conversation. I was silent again, my breathing heavier by the minute.

"Leah went off to Portland with Billy and Jake. Apparently he got an internship; they sold the house, and just packed up and left. Nobody knew until Leah disappeared and left the note, explaining."

Cardboard boxes. And suddenly everything fell into place. Leah, the ex-girlfriend. I wondered if Leah knew, if the note said anything about…

"Bella, is it true? Are you pregnant?"

--

I don't remember ending the call later, but I remember how I felt, backing away from the stove as though it were on fire, one hand clutching at my chest and the other pressed over my mouth to stifle the sobs. The news had made me reel with vertigo, and I was afraid I might collapse right in the middle of the kitchen floor.

They knew, from La Push to Makah. There was nothing they could do but pity me. Jacob didn't want me. He didn't care about me, or about the baby. _Especially_ about the baby. It was no use for me to try and protect myself inside denial—he just didn't want anything to do with us. In an instant, the curtain had fallen and I was left staring at the remnants of a broken world, one where every word he had said was nothing but a lie.

Jacob and Leah had been seeing each other again for months, in secret. That's what the note said. Jacob had been about to break up with me when I had gotten pregnant. The situation just confused him for awhile, but never actually changed his mind about what he wanted to do. Move to Portland with Billy and his true love, I thought. At least Billy could be happy Jake was with a _real _Quileute now.

I had backed into the cabinets, the drawer knobs pressing into me. I gasped for air, and decided the best place to have a breakdown would be my closet. I practically ran for my room, stopping to grab the phone before I locked myself in my little dark haven. Jasper, coming out of his room, could only stare at me as I darted past.

Once locked in the closet, I punched in Edward's number, only to realize halfway through the dialing that I was actually calling Jacob's cell. Crap, I thought. Must kill the habit. I re-dialed slowly, my clumsy and shaky hands getting it right the second time. I waited for him to answer.

"Hey, what's up?" Edward's cheery voice released the flood. At first, I could only sob uncontrollably, and when his attempts to calm me down finally reached me, I was babbling.

"I just got it, he doesn't want me, he doesn't want this baby—"

"Wait, did he call you? Did he actually _say_ this to you?" he exclaimed, aghast.

"No, I haven't talked to him since that day. You know." My words were stilted and dotted with hiccoughs.

"So? How do you know?"

"This girl Emily called, from the reservation north of La Push. They moved, Edward, him and Billy. He went to a different _city_, away from_ me_! Not only that, his ex-girlfriend went with him."

I heard him breathe in sharply, at a loss for words. I could almost feel the anger coming off him in waves. The way his green eyes would flash. I guessed he was pretty close to swearing, but refrained out of respect to me.

"I _know_ this, Edward. It's just been so obvious; I didn't want to see it. He never called me, he didn't visit, and he stood me up that night. It couldn't be plainer. Now he's stood me up for good. Message received." Tears trickled down my cheeks, and I brushed them impatiently away.

"Oh, Bella." He sighed, not arguing with anything I said. "I guess you're right. And your parents? Have they said anything?"

I stretched my legs out in the dark, before they could fall asleep. "I think they sort of wanted to at the time, but now they never mention him." A weary calm settled over me. The reaction to the news had drained me of all feelings.

"Would you try and contact him? Look for him in Portland?"

"What for?" I gave a bitter laugh. "So he can _not_ be there again?"

"It's a good thing he's not in Seattle." The quiet anger in his voice was unsettling.

I ran my fingers through my hair, and then placed my hand on my stomach. It was just beginning to swell. "Maybe this is a good thing." He paused for a moment. "I'm just thinking, isn't it better for you and the baby, that you know of this now, before it was too late, and had found yourself maybe married to Jacob?"

"God, he wouldn't have married me. I'll just have to learn to disregard everything he ever said to me. And _that_ is going to take me a long time." I stroked my belly, imagining the baby could feel my touch.

We talked for a while longer, and Edward eventually succeeded in helping me calm down for good. When we finally hung up, a little bit of serenity managed to find its way into my worn-out heart. I realized that somehow, I had been unconsciously preparing myself for this, that deep down I had known he would choose to walk away. I had let him go, and he wasn't coming back. I had to make my peace with that as best I could, for the baby's sake. Jacob did not want to be a part of our lives; but this baby would always have me.

As I left the closet, I was suddenly dead tired. I had worked at the library that morning, and then had class until late at night. It was a hard rhythm to keep up with, and I thought that I might have to quit my part-time job soon. Maybe before I started to show too much, and the others' inevitable questions would have to be answered.

I lay on my bed, taking my cell phone from the bedside table. I searched through my contact list, and hit on Jacob's number. My fingertips lingered over the EDIT key, before I pressed it. I scrolled through the options, and found DELETE. I hesitated, wondering if it was an unnecessary gesture, since I knew that number by heart. _But_, I argued with myself, _you will eventually forget it. You don't need it anymore_, I reasoned.

I punched the keypad. I deleted his number.

I promised myself, as I fell asleep, that it would be the last time I worried so much, for _our_ own good. I promised myself that _that_ would be the last time I ever dialed his number, even if by mistake. I promised myself that it would be the last time I cried over _him_.

I closed my eyes, and I carefully sealed away my heart.

--

**I **_**had**_** to give the bus a tiny cameo… wink. **


	16. So Much

**I think I figured out my problem. Hope it doesn't come back to bite me later, haha. **

**So I exhiled Jacob's sorry butt to Portland. Don't get me wrong, as Stephenie's "Twilight" character, I like him well enough (though I'm Team Edward all the way). For the purposes of this story, he's just a mean MF. **

--

In spite of all my efforts, I failed in keeping my own promise. It seemed inevitable that for a few days, I grieved like someone had died. I cried in the kitchen. I cried in the car. I cried while I showered. I even managed to sneak into the supply closet at the library and cry quietly when it got to be too much—which happened more often than I would have liked. Regardless of how red my eyes looked and my saddened expression, it made me feel better somehow. It was as though I were slowly but surely extracting poison from my body.

Edward tried to help, too. He was still in Seattle, but he called me every single day, and was planning an extended vacation in Forks now that he was done with studying. I couldn't believe Edward wanted to spend his free time in a dreary, rainy town when he had all the money in the world and could just as easily go to Europe or something. He laughed when I told him this, and said that he wanted to be around to watch my pregnant belly grow. Those were the good days.

A lot of the time, I was angry, confused, distraught, tired, and very pregnant. I also blamed the hormones surging through me; they tended to make me more likely to snap at people or burst into tears. Charlie and Renée were at a loss as to what to do with me. There wasn't anything they could do, I told them—unless they could turn back time or make Jacob see reason, and neither was humanly possible.

After about two weeks or so, it got to the point where I was simply cried out. One day I woke up, and there were no more tears left in me. I liked to think the baby helped to start healing the pain. It still hurt; there was a gnawing, throbbing pain in the middle of my chest that wasn't going away anytime soon. I could only wait until it faded to a dull ache that I could ignore, until it became part of me, like my eyes or my nose.

--

By my second doctor's appointment, I was pretty much over the 'dangerous period'. After the first three months, the risk for a miscarriage was less likely, but I would still have to be careful. The doctor said that the baby was growing really fast, almost a couple of weeks more mature than the calendar showed. To ward off the nausea and the faintness that sometimes threatened to overtake me, he recommended that I eat every four hours. No wonder I stood to gain twenty-five pounds.

What really concerned him was the current lifestyle I was leading. Keeping up the pace with my job and studying at the same time, was going to take its toll on my body. I decided that I would see my job at the library through to the end of the month, and then they would have to find someone else to replace me. Later that week, I had a talk with the head librarian, explaining all about how I was pregnant; due to health issues, I said, I would have to quit by the end of March. They said it would be fine, and agreed to keep in touch with me in case I felt like coming back to work at the campus library. It was nice to be able to tell people I was pregnant, and that they seemed to be so understanding.

In the meantime, I still worked mornings, and studied afternoons. I tried to help around the house, and not be too much of a burden on my parents. I still couldn't shake off the feeling of guilt completely; even though they hadn't brought up Jacob again, or made scathing comments about the situation, it sometimes made me uncomfortable. I could only imagine how it would be when I finally started showing a very noticeable pregnant bump.

I couldn't wait to find out if it was a boy or girl. The doctor still wouldn't be able to tell for a few more weeks. I was deliberating over names, discussing the merits and drawbacks of using inventive spelling and names that wouldn't go well with 'Swan' as a last name. Of course the baby wouldn't have Jake's; he or she would then legally be completely mine. Although Jacob and I had settled on Gabriel and Julia Elizabeth, I absolutely refused point-blank to call the baby anything _he _had liked; I wanted to cut off any unnecessary associations between him and the baby.

Edward sent me a list of his own favorite names for a girl, jokingly insisting that if it were a boy, I should name the baby after his favorite uncle. (I assumed Edward was referring to himself.) I couldn't call him Charlie, like my father either—that name was off-limits until Jasper could have his own son and continue the family name. I had to find a brand-new name that he or she wouldn't hate me for when they grew up. So I pored over many baby name websites, searching by alphabetical order, investigating meanings. I thought about opting for a unique name, but ultimately decided that more often than not, 'unique' just meant 'weird'.

I reached the end of the month eager for more rest, knowing that my stint as a librarian's assistant would be over and I wouldn't have to worry over whether one day, I'd carry one stack of books too many or fall off a stepladder while shelving books and go into premature labor or something. When my last day at the library arrived, I collected my paycheck with a huge smile; I did leave feeling happy, thinking that perhaps I might come back if offered the chance.

The following Monday, I woke up late, feeling more rested and refreshed than I had in months—now that I didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn and endure 18-hour days. I got up and walked into the bathroom. As I stretched in front of the mirror, turning sideways, suddenly I gasped. Seemingly overnight, my belly was _very_ prominent, and in no way could be mistaken for anything but a baby. I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed it before; with my pointed face and long brown hair, now I actually looked more like a pregnant teen. I laughed at the thought, my first real laugh in a long time.

I caught sight of my expression in the mirror; my eyes were bright, my cheeks flushed with pure delight. My face glowed. I turned this way and that, pulling the sweatshirt I had worn to bed taut against my swollen belly. A stray thought crossed my mind: _Wait until Edward sees this!_ I stroked it gently, imagining it was my baby's hand, or a tiny foot. The ache I had been feeling for months diminished even further, fading into the background. I was finally healing.

--

**More Edward to come soon. Maybe I'll do a couple of future chapters from his POV… suggestions welcome! Thanks for your reviews!  
**


	17. Open The Door

**Sorry it's taken so long for me to update, I've been busy at work… But here we are now, ready to continue… Enjoy!**

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**EPOV**

It wasn't raining, for once. The overcast sky hung low with clouds. I drove slightly above the limit, relishing the speed. The trip had felt longer than usual; I was anxious to get to my destination. Anxious to see her.

As the scenery alternated between green forest and a gray sea, I couldn't stop thinking about Bella. I pictured her gently rounded, the soft peach of her skin; I saw her healthier and happier than the last time we saw each other. We had talked endlessly on the phone, but it just wasn't enough. I wanted—no, _needed_—to be near her, take care of her.

I had loved her since the moment I first met her. Walking through the hallways of Forks middle school, I had come across this pale, beautiful girl who could apparently stumble on flat surfaces. She dropped her books as she clung to the wall for support, and I immediately knelt to help her. As she bent down beside me, I caught the soft scent of her hair, and then I was face to face with her chocolate-brown eyes. I couldn't look away.

We had got to talking, gradually cementing our friendship. I knew all about her family, and she knew all about mine. Bella really listened, looking you in the eyes without losing focus, scanning the crowd to see who else was there. When Bella was with me, she made me feel that there was no one else in the world but us. We spent time together, with our group of friends, and sometimes alone. We shared and laughed and whined together, our friendship stronger than anything. But I always wanted to be more than just Bella's best friend—I wanted her heart.

She never let on that she felt the same way about me. I didn't want to act on my feelings for her, more afraid of losing her as a friend than admitting I loved her. I was her friend, her almost-brother, her accomplice, anything she needed me to be. I settled for that.

When I left for college in Seattle, Bella stayed behind in Forks. Her family lived modestly, and she chose to stay in Forks, at Peninsula Community College. I missed her terribly, but I drove up every other weekend. Then she started going out with Mike. I could only stand by and watch as she built a relationship with him, though of a different sort. Bella confided in me as much as ever; I never let on how much it hurt to know she was kissed and held by somebody else. Bella and Mike were a couple for more than a year, until he went to Italy. She was unsure about whether she wanted to be in a long-distance relationship, but was reluctant to hurt Mike by breaking up just because he moved an ocean away.

The wind was picking up, smattering drops of rain on the pavement. I slowed down slightly, imagining Bella sitting beside me and chiding me about my driving skills. I grinned to myself. My I-Pod blared from the car speakers, keeping me company. I was almost there.

I got a brief glimpse of a white stretch of beach, waves crashing on the pebbled shore. It brought to mind the beaches of La Push, and with them, Jacob. I gritted my teeth, spoiling my mood.

When Bella started seeing him, after weeks of confusion over Mike and their withering relationship, something set off warning bells in my head. I knew it was because I had already gone through the pain of watching Bella reach for someone else when I was right there, wishing and hoping while bound to silence as her friend. She was drawn to Jacob, for reasons I still couldn't fathom.

When she confessed that she was sleeping with him (_way_ more information than I needed to know), my heart felt wrung out and as though it had been dropped on the floor and stepped on. I was so jealous I couldn't see straight. It was so much worse than with Mike—picturing that idiot Jacob not only kissing her, but touching her as I could only dream about…

Remembering, I gripped the steering wheel tighter, my knuckles turning white. I lowered the volume on the music; I shook my head as if to clear it, but everything was in my head, nowhere to go. I couldn't have done anything about it. I had never staked any claim on Bella, other than as her best friend.

It was the only thing I had now. It was lucky for Jacob he had moved on to Portland. There was no telling what I'd be capable of if I ran into him in Forks. Smashing his face in with my fist sounded good. It would probably feel even better. I knew Bella was still grieving over his leaving. She was recovering slowly; Jacob's abandonment of her and the baby had left a deep wound inside her. I longed to help her, to make her see that I could never leave so easily. Not when she held my heart.

Thinking about Bella calmed me down. I turned the volume back up, the rhythm pounding. I smiled as the car whipped past a sign that said, WELCOME TO FORKS—LOGGING CAPITAL OF THE WORLD. Just knowing I was closer to her, that she was waiting for me…

I was home.

--

**Hope I did an okay job capturing the thoughts in Edward's head. Trying not to make him sound like an obsessed stalker. R&R!**


	18. Bound To Happen

**Apparently, EPOVs are **_**extremely**_** popular hehehe… I got twice as many hits for that chapter alone than for the rest of them put together LOL :P… Glad he didn't sound stalkerish to you, I'm probably just projecting again hahaha. **

**That bus keeps getting mentioned A LOT… hmmm… sadly enough though, some guys don't always get what they deserve. Oh, and what was Edward listening to? When I wrote it, I was listening to my Spill Canvas playlist… go listen to them now, they're awesome. **

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**BPOV**

"You're here already?!" I closed the door behind me and met him halfway down the porch steps. I reached out and put my arms around Edward. He was standing two steps below me; our heights were perfectly matched. As he hugged me, I became very aware of my belly, which stuck out like someone had stuffed a small cushion under my shirt.

"Wow. You're pregnant." Edward held me at arm's length and scrutinized me from head to toe. His green eyes were sparkling with laughter. I blushed; he took advantage of my flustered state and made me twirl once on the step, clasping my hand.

"Good of you to notice." I smiled shyly at him. What was _wrong_ with me? I was never shy with him.

Suddenly, Edward surprised my by crouching in front of me. He reached out to touch my stomach, and then hesitated with his hands held out in mid-air. "May I?" he asked.

"Sure." I looked down on him while he placed his hands gingerly on my belly. "Oh, come on. I'm not going to break." I put my hands over his long fingers and pressed harder. Edward looked startled for a moment, then visibly relaxed.

"Hey, baby." He cleared his throat and glanced up at me. "Have you thought of any names?"

I smiled. "I'm working on it." I took one of Edward's hands in mine and tugged on it. He stood up and squeezed it.

Hand in hand, we walked into the house.

--

Edward would be staying until September. I couldn't believe he would be around that long; it seemed too good to be true. When he drove up from Seattle, college had just let out for spring break. We had a couple of weeks to spend together, without my classes getting in the way.

I was up at Edward's house a lot, visiting with Esme and occasionally Carlisle, when his hospital schedule would permit it. I didn't know why, but Edward seemed intent upon waiting on me hand and foot. It made me very self-conscious whenever he anticipated my every need and want.

Like the time I said I had a craving for French fries. It was merely a passing comment; my cravings weren't really that strong. Never mind the Thriftway 3 miles from home, where I could just as easily have bought the frozen kind and cooked them myself. Edward didn't care. He strapped me into the Volvo and drove me to the McDonald's in Port Angeles.

The late April afternoon was warm enough that we sat on a sidewalk bench to eat. The cool spring breeze lifted my hair, carrying the scent of the sea with it.

"Here, have some more." Edward held out the cardboard container in front of my face. The delicious smell of salty fries wafted under my nose.

"That is _so_ unfair. Stop trying to make me fatter, Edward Cullen." He just grinned. I gave up and grabbed a handful.

We sat in easy silence. I folded my hands over my stomach and leaned slightly into him, my head on his shoulder. "Thanks for the ride."

"Anytime." He put his arm around my shoulders; the breeze was slightly chilly. "I was wondering, Bella… about your next doctor's appointment." Edward ducked his head. "Do you think I could come with you?"

"Come with me? _Why_?" I pictured me lying on the examination chair, Edward standing beside me. No way that was happening—too embarrassing.

"I'd like to see my niece or nephew on the ultrasound machine. Besides, it would make for an interesting experience as a future doctor." He glanced sideways at me.

"Oh, don't even start with the doctor thing. It may let you get away with some things, but not this time, mister." I sat up straight and crossed my arms. Edward's expression made me realize I hadn't heard the end of it yet. "I promised I'd give you a picture, but that's as close as you'll get to the ultrasound."

He shrugged. "We'll see." He was dangerously close to smirking.

I stood up from the bench. "Let's go. I'm pretty tired." I stopped to hitch up my jeans. Edward caught the motion and snickered. "What?"

"Nothing."

"I'm sorry, but clothes don't fit that well anymore," I huffed indignantly. "I'm too pregnant for my old jeans, but not pregnant enough for the maternity kind."

"I didn't say anything, Bella. Come on, let's go home." Edward placed his arm around my shoulders again as we walked towards the Volvo.

--

**Slightly filler chapter, but at least it was cute. ****Right? R&R please!**


	19. Clarity

**Thanks for all your great reviews! It's really encouraging… look for more EPOV coming soon… **

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Edward got his way in the end, of course. He went to Renée and asked her instead. She was only too happy to oblige. He drove us to the clinic, glancing every so often at me fuming in the backseat.

As we sat in the waiting room, I gave up being annoyed. I was a little more than twenty-five weeks along, 5 months pregnant. The doctor could probably tell now whether it was a boy or girl.

"You're sure you want to know?" Edward paged through a magazine carelessly.

"Of course I do. I have to pick a name, buy pink or blue outfits." I smiled to myself.

"Any more thoughts on names?"

"I really like Alexander for a boy. But I still don't know about girls' names." The receptionist looked my way and nodded towards the door, smiling. I stood up heavily, and Edward took my arm and guided me into the examination room.

The doctor greeted Renée and me, and glanced at Edward, smiling. He extended his hand and Edward shook it. I introduced them briefly.

"Hello, nice to meet you." The doctor looking to both of us uncertainly. "Would you be the father?"

I flushed darkly, unable to look at Edward. This was beyond embarrassing.

"Er, no… I'm just a friend." Edward smiled reassuringly at me, seemingly unbothered by the comment.

"So, Bella… how are you today?" The doctor recouped and sat at his desk, my file open before him. Renée and Edward sat on either side of me, listening.

"Okay, I guess. I've been feeling kind of tired lately, sleepy. Hungry." I shrugged.

"Any cravings? Nausea?" Edward grinned at the doctor's question as he jotted down something in my file. I knew he was remembering the fries and I clipped his ankle with my foot.

"Not really. I try to eat lightly about every four hours, crackers, juice, anything. I'm taking the pre-natal vitamins, lots of water. We're good." I patted my belly.

"Alright then. Let's weigh you and get you on the table." The doctor stood up and so did we. He glanced at Edward.

"It's okay. He can come too." I ignored him while I took off my shoes and stepped on the scale. "He's going into med school. He wanted to come because he thinks it will be a good experience for him." I snorted and Edward chuckled. He heard my unspoken words: _And not just because he's tremendously annoying._

The doctor came to stand by me and recorded my weight. I had gained 12 pounds already. I reminded myself that it was mostly baby weight, since I didn't really look that heavy. I gave Edward a tiny smile as I excused myself and went into the bathroom to put on a flimsy paper robe over my clothes. When I came out, I moved on to the examination table, and Edward helped me up. I kept the robe tightly shut even though nothing showed. Renée stood in the background, uncharacteristically quiet.

The doctor took his place beside the table and flipped on the ultrasound machine. He spread cold gel on my stomach and I winced at the feeling. Edward edged closer to me and took my hand.

The cursor moved over the slippery surface of my skin, and the monitor flickered with shapes. At first, it only looked like electronic snow. And then the doctor began pointing out a head, a body, and arms. You could see these stubby hands waving around; even though I was seeing it, it was hard to believe I held a little person inside me.

Tears prickled in my eyes. I sniffed and covered my mouth with my free hand, holding back the sobs. Edward squeezed my fingers. He looked kind of choked up himself.

"Are you ready to know the sex of the baby?" the doctor asked.

"You can tell now? For sure?" I propped myself up on my elbows, excited.

"Yes, we can be fairly certain of what it'll be."

"Okay. I want to know." I peered intently at the monitor, even though I could barely tell the head apart from the feet.

"Give me a minute… let's try to turn the baby around." He shifted the cursor all over my belly, trying to find the right angle. Finally, he stopped and hit a button on the console. The image froze on the screen and he pointed at the fuzzy shapes.

"Congratulations. It's a girl."

--

A girl. Just like I'd dreamed of. I lay in bed that night, the air conditioner whirring. I pulled the covers up to my chin and rolled on my side, cradling my belly.

I remembered Renée's look of delight, tears in her eyes. Edward gave me a hug as soon as I rose from the examination table. The doctor printed a screen-shot of the baby, which I immediately gave to Edward. "I promised, didn't I?" I told him, when he wouldn't take it.

The drive home was marked by Renée calling everyone she knew, including Charlie. She handed me her cell and I told him that he would have a granddaughter. I called Jasper and Rosalie at home, where they went crazy when they learned they would have a niece. I was feeling pretty over the moon myself.

I had to get started on picking a name soon. I would put the list Edward had given me to good use.

Before I fell asleep, I recalled Edward's interest and enthusiasm for me and the baby. He talked nonstop as he drove us home; he wanted Carlisle and Esme to know as soon as possible, and was sure his mother would organize a baby shower. I closed my eyes when my darkened bedroom began to blur. I felt so tired…

As I drifted off, a thought less substantial than smoke suggested, _Edward loves you_… like a dream, it vanished.

--

**Don't worry, I'm getting to the point, hehehe. I appreciate all you guys' comments. Go Edward, hang in there!**


	20. For A Second

**Playing now****: "One Thing is for Sure", by The Spill Canvas**

--

The baby would be due in mid-August, give or take a couple of weeks, the doctor had said. Almost a month had passed since I had found out it was a girl. I had spent most of that time dreaming of pink and lavender baby outfits. Rosalie was in 7th heaven, already planning to redecorate my room to accommodate the baby.

I was already back in school struggling to finish out the semester as best I could. The days dragged on endlessly, and I was falling asleep in every one of my classes. I desperately wanted to finish my junior year, take summer courses and graduate early, in December.

I was getting ridiculously heavy for my small frame. May was unseasonably hot—unseasonable for Forks, anyway. Humid rain pattered down every other day, and the heat was just making me miserable. I never thought I'd see the day when I would miss the cold rainy weather of the Olympic Peninsula.

Edward came by almost every day, helping me out with my papers and just taking off the edge from my mood swings and the weather. I didn't think he did anything but hang out at my house, play video games with Jasper and talk cars with Rosalie. He helped Renée around the house too, since Charlie spent most of the day down at the station. I playfully asked him about that.

"Edward, doesn't Esme miss you? You hardly seem to spend time there at all, except maybe breakfast. And when you're sleeping."

He shrugged and looked at his shoes. "Esme knows I like to be here."

I tried to catch his eye again, but he wouldn't look up. "Edward—"

"It's okay, really." He gave me a crooked smile. "Right now, there's nothing more interesting to me than my best friend, about to have my little niece."

I blushed, and dropped the subject.

--

I walked slowly across campus to my truck. I tossed my backpack onto the passenger seat and dragged myself upward, sliding behind the wheel. One more month, and I wouldn't be able to drive anymore. I started the engine, cranking up the AC. It wasn't even that hot, really, but in my very pregnant state, it felt scorching hot.

I backed out of the parking spot, and quickly took the highway east, heading back to Forks. Music blasted through the cab, and I sang along. My cell phone managed to cut through the volume, annoying in its insistency. I grabbed the wheel with one hand, while I carefully rummaged through my backpack with the other. I finally grasped my cell and answered, keeping my eyes on the road.

"Hello?"

"Bella?" I froze and my breath caught in my throat. It was Jacob. There was silence on the other end as well, and then he tried again. "Bella, it's Jake."

Four months after he left, and he was trying to be _Jake_ to me. All I could manage was a strangled, indeterminate noise while I searched for an off ramp. No way was I driving while I talked to him.

"Please, don't hang up or anything. I just… I called to see how you've been." His voice sounded rushed, pleading. I wondered if that's what I had sounded like to him, when I'd asked him to help me.

"Oh." My tone was flat and emotionless. I cruised off the highway and parked on the shoulder of the blacktop. I set the blinkers on and crossed my arms, still cradling the phone to my face. An icy wave flooded my stomach, half anger, half something else.

"Listen, I know it's been awhile—"

"No, _you listen_," I hissed. "You're the one that left, like the coward you are, without a call, a letter, _nothing_. I owe you _nothing_. So don't just call me and expect things to be fine between us, 'cause they're not." My voice rose from a venomous whisper until I was practically shouting through the cell phone.

"I jus thought… Well, I don't know exactly what I thought. I wanted to call," he finished lamely.

"You don't know anything, Jacob Black. You're an ass." My hands were shaking. There was no love here, it had disappeared. I felt stupid for ever thinking it had existed, at least on his part. Perhaps a fraction, the part that would inevitably be my daughter's, would remain. A useless part, unnecessary.

He inhaled sharply. "What about the baby, Bella? Are you still pregnant?"

"Oh, _please_, like you care. You didn't care then; you sure as hell don't care now. Whatever lets you sleep at night, Jacob. Pretend I miscarried, that I had an abortion, just like you wanted." I spoke through gritted teeth now. "You'd have no claim on the child, ever." I didn't answer his question directly.

"But then—you mean…" he trailed off.

"I don't need you, Jacob. Don't think about coming to see me. Forget it. Lose my number. Don't you _ever_ call me again. Do you understand? _Never_." I shut off the phone and hurled it against the floor of the truck. I hoped it broke. I wished it had been his face.

I rested my head on the steering wheel, still gripping it tightly. My breathing was heavy and forced. I had to calm down, calm enough for the drive home. I didn't feel like crying; I was past that. All I wanted to do was talk to Edward.

--

"Okay, please don't freak out." I sat cross-legged on the living room couch—or as cross-legged as my belly would let me. I caressed it gently, ready to relive the conversation with Jacob for Edward.

"You're scaring me. What is it?" Edward sat next to me, peering into my face.

"Okay. Well. Um… I was driving home, right, and then my phone rang. It was… Jacob." I was talking mostly to my stomach, unable to look him in the eyes.

I didn't register Edward's reaction for a moment. Then I noticed his hands clenched into tight fists, and he jumped up from his seat.

"Edward, please." I tried to hold his hand, but he paced away from me, his back turned.

"What did he want? What could he possibly have to say to you after all this time?" He ran his hands through his hair, his jaw tense. When he finally looked back at me, he found me with my arm reaching out to him, trying to make him calm down.

"I'm sorry." Edward immediately sat back down. I put my hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. "I don't even know why I'm so angry, when it's you that's probably really pissed right now." He attempted a weak smile.

"I'm not really anything at him. I _was,_" I amended, seeing the look on his face. "But anger is an emotion, and I don't feel anything for him, not anymore." It was true; I only felt a faint measure of regret for what could have been. But I didn't think Edward believed me.

"I have half a mind to drive out to Portland tonight and beat the crap out of him, I swear. I could kill him, I really could." Edward ran his hands through his hair again, rumpling it completely.

"Don't, Edward." I smoothed his hair for him, and he stilled at my touch.

"Don't what?"

"He's not worth it," I said softly. "I appreciate the sentiment, I do. But there's no point. What's done is done; he doesn't deserve a single thought from me or you." I struggled to get up from the couch, and Edward caught my arm and helped me rise. I huffed, embarrassed, but he only smiled.

"Come on. Stay for dinner." As we walked towards the kitchen, Edward wrapped his arm around my non-existent waist. A phrase I had read once crossed my mind:

_The one you love and the one who loves you are never the same_.


	21. Lullaby BPOV

**A little ****shout-out to readers in Mexico! ****Gracias por sus comentarios… de verdad si los leo todos, me dan mucho ánimo… sigan leyendo!**

**Sorry for the delay. But t****his might quite possibly be my favorite chapter. To fully enjoy it, please listen to the songs entitled "Lullaby", one by The Mitch Hansen Band and another by The Spill Canvas. They totally make me cry. Look for EPOV for this chapter next. :D**

**Oh, and BTW, the quote from the previous chapter comes from Chuck Palahniuk's novel **_**Invisible Monsters**_**. Weird, but true, hehehe. **

**Thanks for all the awesome reviews. Read on!**

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BPOV

I drove out to Edward's house very slowly in my truck. My stomach was barely two inches away from the steering wheel. Even though I was safely strapped in, it would probably be the last time I could drive myself around. I was a little more than six months pregnant, and _huge_.

The last time I'd been to the doctor, everything was fine. The baby was healthy, and it was still a girl. I had him check again; I heard a few stories from a few of Renée's friends who had friends that had been told they were having boys and the babies turned out to be girls or vice-versa. I was taking no chances. Rosalie was already going crazy with pink baby outfits and all the trimmings.

I found the turnoff lined with arching trees and drove straight until I came upon the Cullen house. As soon as he heard my truck's rumbling, Edward was out the front door. He had promised to help me write a final paper, editing and such.

He waited for me to shut off the engine before he opened the cab door and pulled me out carefully. I sighed gratefully; the baby was making me feel enormously heavy and more clumsy than usual. Edward took my backpack and practically led me up the porch steps and through the front hall. I let him—there was no use arguing anymore. It felt nice to be taken care of.

Esme was grading papers on the dining room table, an antique she had restored herself. She stood up to greet me, with a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the belly. She was helping Rosalie redecorate my bedroom, and was nearly as thrilled as Renée with the idea of a grandchild, if only vicariously.

We cleared some space on the table and I pulled my laptop out of my backpack. I fell into the nearest chair, which Edward held out for me. While I waited for it to log on, Edward badgered me about names for the baby.

"Too bad it isn't a boy. I still think _Edward_ would have been a great choice."

"Thank God it's a girl," I laughed. "One Edward is plenty."

We spent the rest of the afternoon writing. I insisted on making a handwritten rough draft first—I couldn't focus my ideas otherwise. Edward pretended to be annoyed, claiming he would have to type it for me and therefore needed a legible copy. While I wrote longhand, Esme and Edward fixed a platter of fruit for me. I made him eat at least half of it.

The day passed in a blur. When Edward finally typed the last word on my laptop, I glanced at my watch. It was nearly seven-thirty. I heard what could only be Carlisle's car pull up the driveway.

"It's late, I should go. They're probably waiting for me at home." I began picking up the mess of papers, shutting off my computer at the same time.

"Bella, why don't you stay for dinner?" Esme suggested.

"Oh, I couldn't. Really, it's enough that you put up with me here, when I'm constantly stealing Edward away from you," I said apologetically, blushing pink.

"I'm not anywhere I don't want to be," Edward interjected. "Come on, stay. I owe you, I'm always raiding your fridge."

I raised one eyebrow at him, and he grinned. "I'll take that as a yes."

Carlisle walked through the door then, and after saying hello also reiterated Esme's invitation. I gave in, and asked Esme what I could do to help.

"No, Bella, please sit. You're our guest." She flashed her beautiful dimpled smile at Edward and me. When I made for the kitchen despite her words, Edward steered me back to the chair and threatened to strap me down. He and Esme went off to the kitchen, leaving me to Carlisle's conversation.

I was finally allowed to shred lettuce and toss a salad. The four of us sat to dinner; amidst the easy banter and the laughter, time flew. For dessert, we moved to the living room. Chatting all the while, I polished off a tiny slice of cake. I helped Esme clear the dishes, but she wouldn't let me help her wash them. Edward made me sit on the couch again, ignoring my mutterings about his pushiness.

I sat talking to Carlisle and Edward about my plans to graduate early. I felt my eyelids get heavier and heavier, but could do nothing about it. I figured Edward might drive me back and I'd get my truck later. Mid-sentence, I drifted off; somewhere in my sleep-soaked state I waited for Edward to shake me awake and tell me I was home.

--

I woke up with a start in a darkened room. The bed beneath me was too soft, plush with down feathers. I could feel the texture beneath my hands as I propped myself up, trying to scan the darkness for something familiar. Then I recognized the shape of the windows, how they took up the entire wall to my right. I was still at Edward's. Disoriented, I tried to reach for a lamp and called out.

"Edward?"

The light suddenly came on, blinding me. Edward was sitting on a rocking chair next to the bed. He looked startled himself.

"What? Is something wrong?" Catching the confused look on my face, he remembered how strange this situation would seem to me. "I'm sorry, you just conked out. We didn't want to wake you. It's a long drive." Edward smiled sheepishly. "Esme called Renée and explained. She asked if you could just stay over."

"Oh. Okay." I rubbed my eyes. Then I pictured how my hair must look. I tried to comb it with my fingers. Some coherency returned while I tamed my hair and Edward watched. "So… why are you here? I mean, besides the obvious," I flushed, "it's your house, but… don't you have your own bedroom? You need the guest room as well?" I teased sleepily.

"Um, well…" Edward glanced at his shoes when suddenly, I gasped.

My eyes went wide, and my hands flew to my belly in shock.

"Are you okay? What is it? Does anything hurt?" He was alert, worried. He stood up and half-reached towards me, unsure.

_She was kicking_. I could feel her moving, my shock mingling with wonder. A smile peeked at the corners of my mouth.

"She's moving," I said softly. "She's kicking me… very hard."

"Really?" I watched Edward's reaction change from concern to surprise. He came over and sat on the edge of the bed in the dim lamplight.

"Here, feel it." I took his hand and placed it on my belly. A second later, the baby gave another series of flurried kicks.

Edward gazed at my stomach in a helpless sort of wonder that mirrored my own. He trailed his fingers gently over it, waiting for her to move again.

We didn't say anything for a long time. We just sat there together, spellbound.


	22. Lullaby EPOV

**I must insist… "Lullaby", by both The Mitch Hansen Band and The Spill Canvas****.**

--

EPOV

I sat at the dining room table, pretending to read a book while my mother graded papers next to me. I was waiting for Bella to arrive; I had promised to help her write one of her final papers. She was really struggling to pass one of her classes. Bella was feeling really tired lately, and I knew how much it cost her to ask for help.

Mom watched me flip through the pages, not really reading, and the corner of her mouth lifted slightly in a mock smile.

"What?" I lay the book facedown on the table and crossed my arms, expectant.

"Nothing." She rifled through a sheaf of tests and set her pen to the paper again. I rolled my eyes.

"What time's Dad getting home tonight?" I asked her.

"He said he'd be early for dinner." Mom continued marking tests. "Maybe Bella would like to join us."

"Maybe." I couldn't help but brighten considerably at the prospect. I think my mother knew the reason, but she kept her comments to herself. Then I heard the familiar rumbling of Bella's truck pulling into the driveway. I bounded from the chair and practically raced to the door. Mom chuckled once and tried to cover it up with a cough.

She wasn't even out of the car yet. I went to stand next to the cab door until she took the keys out of the ignition. I hauled the heavy door open, smiling like an idiot. I didn't think she'd notice the look on my face—like gazing at the sun. I felt stupid.

Bella only sighed as I helped her out of the truck. She was getting _very_ big. I liked to tease her and tell her that her belly didn't let her watch her feet properly, making her twice as clumsy. That only made her more endearing to me, but of course I couldn't say _that_ without getting smacked. Once I had set Bella safely on the ground, I reached into the truck bed and took her backpack. I risked her snarky comments as I linked my arm through hers and we navigated the few steps to the porch. She could be stingingly sarcastic, but I guess my persistence had paid off—for once she actually seemed grateful for my help.

I loved taking care of her, in any small way I could. It wasn't much, but anything I could do to make her life easier, was still not enough. I probably looked like some crazy simpering sycophant, but if Bella thought so, she never said anything. Thankfully.

We strode through the entrance, and my mother greeted Bella while I set her backpack on a chair. I knew she loved Bella like a daughter. Mom had always wanted a big family, but Dad and I were all she had. Knowing Bella all these years, as my best friend, they had grown close.

I shifted some papers around on the table and watched as Bella pulled her laptop out of the backpack. I pulled out a chair for her, and she sat down. I took the chair beside her, drumming my fingers on the table.

"Have you thought of any names yet? I can make up another list, if it helps." I grinned at Bella.

"I don't know yet. I just don't want to get it wrong." She typed in her password as the computer screen flickered to life.

"How can you get it wrong?"

"Like, if I pick a name she'll hate. It's a pretty big responsibility."

"Too bad it isn't a boy. I still think _Edward_ would have been a great choice."

"Thank God it's a girl," Bella laughed. The sound of it gave me hope. "One Edward is plenty."

Both of us worked for the better part of the afternoon. She wanted to write the rough draft by hand, making outlines and notes first. I joked with her, about how I couldn't read her handwriting if she wanted me to help her type it up.

When Bella was halfway through, my mother excused herself and went into the kitchen. I followed her and together, we made up a plateful of fresh fruit for Bella. I remembered she hated watermelon, so I piled it with apple slices, green grapes, and even a few strawberries. I laid the plate in front of her, and she immediately took a strawberry from it. Bella ate steadily, and when she was full, she made me eat the rest of the fruit.

Bella finished writing, and we made several small changes to it. When she was finally satisfied with it, I typed it quickly into the word processor. The afternoon had gone by way too fast. Bella glanced at her watch as I heard my father parking the car.

"It's late, I should go. They're probably waiting for me at home." She began gathering papers, unplugging the laptop and shutting it down. I threw my mother a look.

"Bella, why don't you stay for dinner?" she suggested.

"Oh, I couldn't. Really, it's enough that you put up with me here, when I'm constantly stealing Edward away from you," she said, her cheeks stained pink.

"I'm not anywhere I don't want to be," I replied. "Come on, stay. I owe you, I'm always raiding your fridge."

Bella raised one eyebrow at me, and I smirked. "I'll take that as a yes."

My father walked through the door then, greeting Bella and kissing Mom. He also asked Bella to stay for dinner. She finally agreed.

"Can I help you with anything, Esme?"

"No, Bella, please sit. You're our guest." My mother flashed us both a smile, and winked at me when Bella couldn't see. She tried to follow us into the kitchen, but I turned her around and made her sit again.

"You'll stay right here while we fix dinner, or I'll strap you down, okay?" Bella gave me one of her special annoyed looks and I laughed. Dad sat at the table with her and I joined Mom in the kitchen.

We stood at the counter; I chopped vegetables on a wooden block while she sautéed chicken at the stove. We worked in companionable silence until she broke it.

"I know, you know. You can see it in your face." My mother took a spatula and stirred the pan.

My hands hovered for a moment above the tomatoes I was slicing and quickly tried to think whether I should say anything or reveal nothing. Leaning slightly to my right, I could just see the back of Bella's head in deep conversation with Dad. I didn't think she could hear us. I opted for honesty.

"Do you think she sees it too?" I kept my eyes down purposefully, but intent on Mom's answer.

"No, not yet."

The knife I was holding nearly slipped, and I steadied my hand. Way to lose a finger, Edward. "What exactly do you mean, _not yet_?"

She turned to face me, spatula still in hand. Her smile was gentle. "Bella doesn't realize it yet, but she loves you too."

"Are you sure?" I tried to keep the exhilaration in my voice to a minimum. I lowered my voice, afraid Bella might hear.

"Mother's intuition. You better hope hers kicks in soon. Before you go crazy." Mom grabbed a head of lettuce and a bowl from the counter and handed it to me. "Could you please ask Bella to make some salad?"

I took both items to Bella, apologizing for interrupting the conversation. She was happy to have something to do; I returned to the kitchen, unable to keep the smile off my face.

The four of us sat down to dinner some minutes later. I couldn't remember the last time we'd had such a great time at the table. I watched Bella covertly, trying to avoid openly staring. Her laugh was magic; I hadn't heard it as much in the last five months.

When dessert rolled around, I convinced Bella that it was alright to eat a small sliver of black forest cake. She helped my mother clear the dishes, but Mom shooed her out of the kitchen when she attempted to begin washing them. I directed Bella towards the living room couch again. I thought I could hear her grumbling under her breath, but didn't quite catch what she said.

Bella sat talking to my father and me about how she was working very hard, planning to graduate in December. I was watching her face intently—she fairly glowed. Her hands waved expressively, animated. But eventually, I noticed her eyes looked tired, despite the glow. Eventually, they closed as she fell asleep. My dad smiled and shook his head indulgently before he went to his study. I went to Mom in the kitchen again.

"Mom? Bella fell asleep right on the couch." _And she looks absolutely beautiful_.

"Poor thing, she must be exhausted." She wiped her hands on the dishcloth and turned to me. "Do you want me to wake her? It's getting late. Renée might worry."

"I don't know that she should drive, she was pretty out of it." I bit my lip, waiting for _her_ to suggest it. It would be too obvious if I did.

"Guess you're right. Well, I can call Renée and just tell her that Bella fell asleep and since we don't want to disturb her, she can stay over. What do you think?"

"I think that's a great idea." Mom smiled knowingly at me and reached for the kitchen phone. I could hear her speaking faintly as I went back to the living room.

Bella's head was tilted to one side, her hands resting on her belly. Her mouth was open in a soft _O_. I was tempted to trace it slightly with my finger, but immediately pushed that thought from my head. Instead, I settled for lifting her carefully from the couch, so as not to wake her. Pregnant and all, she did not feel very heavy.

I carried her quickly upstairs, and into the guest bedroom. Bella had always found the notion of a 'guest bedroom' funny—the idea of a huge bedroom that nobody really used. I laid her on the bed and pulled the eiderdown quilt over her. She barely stirred as she shifted on her side.

I stood next to the bed, wondering if I should go back to my own room. Then I pictured her waking up in a strange place. Bella would have to leave the room and traipse around in the dark until she found someone. I convinced myself that it had nothing to do with my own feelings for her—I was simply concerned with her safety, first and foremost.

So I pulled the old rocking chair my mother had placed in the corner closer to the bed. I clicked the bedside lamp and settled in, trying to make myself as comfortable as I could in the wicker seat. Before I knew it, I fell asleep too.

--

"Edward?"

Bella's voice startled me awake and I hit the lamp switch, imagining she had fallen off the bed or something. Her face was confused, just as I'd thought.

"What? Is something wrong?" She was looking around, taking in the unfamiliar furnishings and smoothing the down quilt over her legs. "I'm sorry, you just conked out. We didn't want to wake you. It's a long drive." I gave her a sheepish smile. "Esme called Renée and explained. She asked if you could just stay over."

"Oh. Okay." Bella passed a hand over her eyes. I watched her, amused, as she tried to tame her long hair. Her fingers combed through it quickly. "So… why are you here? I mean, besides the obvious," she said, blushing, "it's your house, but… don't you have your own bedroom? You need the guest room as well?" Her voice was still sleepy.

"Um, well…" The unfamiliar bedroom story didn't sound so convincing after all. I was looking to my shoes for moral support when suddenly, she gasped, and her eyes went wide. Her hands fluttered to her belly, a shocked expression on her face.

"Are you okay? What is it? Does anything hurt?" I was swiftly alert and concerned. Maybe she was in pain, or she felt sick. A thousand possibilities crossed through my mind; I stood from the rocking chair, reaching for Bella. I pulled my hand back at the last minute—maybe I shouldn't touch her.

The shock was now mingled with what could only be described as wonder. Absolute wonder. I still lingered next to her, not touching her.

"She's moving," Bella murmured. "She's kicking me… very hard."

"Really?" Surprise and relief coursed through me. Since she didn't appear to be in pain, I finally got up the courage to go and sit next to her on the bed. I perched myself on the very edge of the bed, not wanting to smother her.

"Here, feel it." Out of nowhere, Bella grabbed my hand and placed it on her belly. She pulled me close enough that I could smell her warm scent, like vanilla and lavender. Before I could inhale deeply, and commit it to memory, I felt it too. The baby kicked beneath my hand in short little bursts of movement.

I stared at her stomach in awe, lost in the same sense of amazement that thrilled Bella. I touched her belly lightly, with tracing fingertips.

We stayed like that for a long time, marveling over the miracle of tiny kicking feet.

--

**Sorry it took me so long to update! I've had lots of things going on, but I'm back. ****I'd just like to share a comment a reviewer left for me: "Edward is falling in total and complete love with his little girl! Notice I said she was his..." I do believe he's coming to regard Bella's baby almost as his own too… Oh, for buses in Portland… Hope you're all still enjoying the story… Please R&R!**


	23. Kind Of Perfect

**Thanks so much for your reviews! Love, love, loooooove reading them all (I do, I promise!). This is kind of an 'explicatory' chapter, if you will… Can't think of how else to explain it, hehehe, we just need to get some information out of the way (though integral to the plot, really). ****:P**

--

June rolled around, and with it, summer college courses. I was really set on sticking to my plan, regardless of how big I was getting, and graduate early so I could get a job quickly and take better care of my baby girl. I knew Charlie and Renée would be glad to help, but I couldn't depend on them forever.

I passed my regular college semester, despite all my sleep issues. And by that I mean the fact that I was falling asleep during most of my classes. Edward, of course, played a huge part in my success. I couldn't have done it without his help and encouragement. Rosalie, Jasper, and he would take turns driving me to Peninsula, since my belly was now too big to fit behind the wheel. This embarrassed me to no end.

We were stuck in the middle of a strange heat wave—strange for Forks, anyway. The constant humidity made me moody and often, just outright pissed for no reason. I began to walk with a distinct waddle as my center of gravity completely shifted.

The doctor still said everything was fine. I wanted the baby born at the Forks Clinic. Although there were still a few weeks to go, the doctor mentioned that the baby was mature enough even if I went into premature labor, she would be okay. We discussed the different possibilities for the birth. If all went well, it would be a natural birth. In case of any complications, we could resort to a cesarean section. It all sounded scary, but Edward assured me it wasn't likely there would be problems.

Edward was another issue entirely. Whenever I was in one of my pissy moods, sometimes I would take it out on him. It wasn't his fault—it was just that he was constantly with me, the one who was there to catch the fallout. He would then walk on eggshells around me, which would make me feel terribly guilty. I apologized, and he forgave me with a smile; back to normal.

Sometimes, I would feel weird around him. I would look up suddenly from whatever I was doing and catch that _look_ in his eyes, which made me blush hotly and I couldn't meet his gaze. I couldn't quite pinpoint _why_.

Edward was very attached to the baby, for reasons I couldn't fathom. He spent more time talking to it, taking care of me than any other person, not even Renée. A lot of it had to do with his free time; he wouldn't leave for Seattle until September, after the baby was born. Still waiting for his test results for medical school, he had nothing but time on his hands.

We spent the afternoons sitting in the living room (either at my place or his). Edward would read to my belly, claiming babies could hear everything inside the womb. When we found ourselves at his house, he would sit me next to him at the piano, and play for us.

I loved it when he did this. He had such a musical gift. It baffled me how someone could have so many things going for them: sweet and handsome and intelligent, musical, caring, sensitive… the girl who caught him would be lucky indeed.

But then, thinking about who this lucky girl might someday be gave me a slight twinge that I couldn't explain away. Uneasy, I dismissed it.

--

June ended, and with it, came July—the end of my summer courses and the beginning of my eighth month of pregnancy.

I paced about my room, between the tiny closet and the dresser, picking clothes to pack my hospital bag. There was still about a month to go, but it was better to be prepared. I folded some t-shirts and pants inside, wondering how soon I would fit back into my 'skinny' clothes. I included a set of baby clothes Rosalie and Renée had bought for when we brought her home.

I was killing some time before Edward picked me up for a late lunch at his house. Everyone at the house had bailed, with Charlie at work and the rest of them scattered. I zipped up the bag, and sat on my bed. Rosalie and Esme had done a great job fixing up my room for the baby's arrival. In no time at all, they had repainted the walls a soft lavender color, added a bassinette with soft blankets, a white wooden dresser for the baby's clothes and things (which doubled as a changing table on top), and only had to remove my old desk to make everything fit. I didn't mind at all; I would be finishing school soon, and I didn't really need a desk for my laptop. Everything looked beautiful.

I heard the doorbell ring. I grabbed my purse from my closet, and slowly made my way downstairs. I clung to the banister, afraid of tripping my way to the front door. Edward was patient, aware that I was moving a lot slower these days.

As we walked to the Volvo, he looked sideways at me. "You look nice."

I blushed. I was wearing a dress Renée had bought for me in Port Angeles. It was maternity of course, and I had only agreed to wear it because it kept me cool in the humid heat. I preferred the maternity pants with the scary elastic waistband, hidden under large blouses.

Edward drove within the speed limits, cranking up the AC and his iPod, chatting all the while. He seemed slightly keyed up, distracting me with his questions. His cell phone rang when we were nearly there.

"Hello?" Edward glanced at me, smiling and shaking his head. I tuned his conversation out politely.

"Yes… uh-huh. Okay, sure. See you. Bye." He flipped the cell closed and tucked it back in his pocket. By this time, we were through the tree-lined drive that led to his house. He parked the Volvo and turned to me.

"Bella…" Edward said uncertainly. He took my hand and pressed it between his. "Please don't hate me for this."

"Hate you for what?" I asked, bewildered. I turned my head and suddenly noticed that there were quite a few cars parked around us.

"Just keep in mind, this wasn't really my idea." He let go of my hand, and got out of the car. He came around to open my door and helped me out of the Volvo.

"What's going on, Edward Anthony Cullen?" I used his full name, letting him know he was getting into trouble. He just smiled, shaking his head again.

He walked me up the porch steps, and I could hear voices and laughter inside. I stopped at the door and refused to move another step.

"Come on, Bella. Be nice."

"_You_ be nice. Tell me what's waiting for me beyond this door or I swear I'm walking home."

"Okay, okay… But you do realize I could just carry you—" He stopped when he saw the murderous look on my face. "Fine. Renée, Alice, Rosalie, and my mother might have organized a little something for you. Like a party."

I sighed. I had suspected something like this, but there was really nothing I could do to avoid it. Edward was still regarding me warily, expecting one of my recent temper explosions. I smiled at him, and he looked relieved.

He opened the door for me, and I saw the house filled with people. Renée was there, standing by a table filled with food. Esme was with her, arranging plates. Alice and Angela were also there, chatting on a sofa. Rosalie came to me, taking my hand and leading me to the living room. A lot of my old high school friends and college classmates had come, all women of course. A baby shower—I took in the decorations, all done in pastel colors. Balloons and rattles and baby shoes lay strewn about.

Everyone turned to me excitedly, rising at once to kiss me hello and touch my huge belly. Edward lingered by the front door, until he caught my eye. He gestured outside, and waved; I understood he would be leaving us girls to our little party.

After I had greeted everyone and thanked them, I made my way to Renée and Esme. They each hugged me.

"Mom, Esme, I wanted to thank you for putting this together. It looks absolutely beautiful." It really did. The attention to detail was amazing. Even the napkins had a baby motif. I gazed at the refreshment table—the food looked simply superb.

Renée leaned in and stage-whispered, "This was mostly her idea, and she took care of almost everything. Isn't it wonderful?"

"It really is, Esme. Thank you so much."

"I'm so glad you liked it, dear." Esme put her arms around my shoulders and directed me to a sofa. I sat, glad to be off my feet.

There were games and cake and gifts—lots of gifts. There were adorable pink and yellow dresses, tiny onesies, and soft, plush blankets. Alice and Angela together got me a basket filled with tiny toys and stuffed animals. One of Renée's friends gave me a stroller, car seat, and promised a high chair for when the baby was older. Her own child was already three, and had outgrown them.

Better than all the presents, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the love and support they gave me, and I couldn't help but cry a little as I thanked all of them for coming, and for the beautiful things they had given me. They were all pretty teary-eyed too.

Rosalie, Renée, and I stayed to help Esme clean up after everyone had left, despite her protests. Carlisle got home around seven-thirty, and gave himself the job of piling the gifts I had received into the trunk of Renée's car. I only stopped then to wonder why Edward wasn't back yet, but I imagined he must have had other things to do.

When we got home, I saw the silver Volvo parked outside the house. Renée and Rosalie urged me inside, saying that they would bring everything in. Edward and Jasper were sitting in the living room in front of the TV, watching a baseball game.

"Did you have fun?" Edward stood up as I approached.

"I did, actually. Thank you so much. Did you have trouble, keeping the secret?" I grinned at him.

"A little. Especially since I know how much you hate being the center of attention." He grinned back. "But my mother and your sister would have killed me if I had so much as hinted."

I nodded. "You're probably right."

Renée and Rosalie walked in then, loaded with boxes and bags. Edward and Jasper immediately came forward to help them. We all trooped up to my room, and they laid the gifts on my bed. Rosalie stayed behind to help me sort them and put them away in the white dresser.

After she had left, Edward took on a shy expression. "There's still something missing here."

"What?" I shifted some of the gift bags heaped on my bed, thinking I had missed one.

"It's downstairs. Let me get it." He darted out of my room before I could ask more.

I heard him call out to Jasper. I wondered why he would need his help. Then I heard them both grunting with effort. Their steps clambered awkwardly up to my room. Suddenly, Jasper's back came into view. He and Edward were lugging a rocking chair between them.

I gasped with delight. There was a huge white satin bow tied around it. They set the chair in a corner of the room, next to the crib. Jasper shook his head, grinning. Edward clapped him on the back in thanks, and then Jasper left.

I covered my mouth with one of my hands, afraid I was going to start bawling. I had always admired the rocking chair in his guest bedroom. It was an antique, the wood worn, weathered, and restored to perfection by Esme herself.

"Just what the room was missing." Edward shrugged and smiled. He took in my expression and seemed even more pleased with himself.

"Edward, it's too much. I can't accept this." Despite my words, I couldn't resist stepping closer, reaching out to touch the smooth wooden armrests.

"My mother would like you to have it," he said simply. "She's not taking it back, and I really don't want to carry it back down. It's too heavy." I laughed.

"Thanks again." I moved towards him. Edward looked slightly taken aback as I reached up and hugged him. He hesitated for a second before putting his arms around me too.

As he held me, I felt strange. I rested my forehead on his shoulder for a second. Breathing deeply, I caught a hint of Edward's scent, like spice. For a moment, I forgot about my worries; how in less than a month I'd be taking care of a newborn, what I'd do if she wouldn't stop crying, if I'd be a bad mother. Everything faded into the background.

It was just us, Bella and Edward. He would help me through this, as would all my family. I felt brave, in his arms.

Everything felt kind of perfect.

--

**Wow, long chapter! ****There you go, getting closer to the baby's birth! I agree with a couple of my reviewers, DNA does **_**not**_** a father make; as I write this, there's probably a fictional bus of angry Edward-lovers heading to Portland, looking for Jacob. :P **


	24. Into The Light

**Wow, did not see this chapter coming. I mean, obviously, it was coming, but I figured I still had a couple of chapters to write before this one, LOL. A few chapters to go till the end, too… --sniff--. **

**Some of your reviews are totally cracking me up! I too would like a seat on the "Let's Maim Jacob" Bus! ****Hahaha… Oh, and yes, you can imagine that the rocking chair was Esme's when she had Edward. That is pretty sweet. **

--

The rest of the summer month passed by in a blur. We all breezed through July, and I went back to school during that first week in August. I was _enormous_, and couldn't help drawing stares on campus. I would be taking four classes prior to graduating in a few months' time. I talked to all my teachers, explaining about my due date somewhere in mid-August and requesting that I please be excused for a couple of weeks after giving birth. They were all pretty impressed that I would be coming back after the baby was born; they easily agreed to my request.

All my classes were afternoon courses. Edward drove me to Peninsula, hung out at the library or at the cafeteria and then we drove back together. In return, I insisted that he stay for dinner at my house, which I made for him navigating around the kitchen with my huge stomach before me.

That Sunday, I sat in the rocking chair, nestled comfortably with a couple of pillows behind my back. I was doing some course reading and highlighting the textbook when a sharp pain stabbed my lower back. It wasn't like anything I had ever felt before. It was hot but prickled like an ice pick. Instantly, I was afraid. It couldn't be time yet, could it?

I turned to the calendar pinned on the wall. August 13.

Okay. So it was mid-August. It was certainly possible I was going into labor. _I'm having contractions_. I thought about who was at home right now to help me. Jasper was playing baseball, Charlie went to the Thriftway for groceries, but Renée was here, and so was Rosalie. I tried to stand up, gripping the rocking chair when I was pierced through with the spiked pain. I limped to my bedroom doorway, afraid to trigger the contractions.

"Renée?" I called out. I was breathing heavily.

"She's out back!" Rosalie answered. She was in the kitchen.

"I think I'm in labor!" I yelled back. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt a trickling down my legs. I'd been reading some of the books, so I realized my water broke.

There was a moment of dead silence from below. Then Rosalie came thundering up the stairs and saw me, clinging to the doorframe. "Oh my God. _Oh my God_. Okay. What do I do?"

I'd never seen Rosalie so flustered before. I almost smiled, before a small contraction made me cringe. "Get my bag, the one I packed. It's in the closet." Rosalie hurried to get it, and returned clutching the bag in one hand. She let me lean into her for support, like a crutch. We walked slowly down the stairs, occasional pains making me yelp. Rosalie winced every time I did.

Once we were in the front hall, Rosalie let me go, promising she'd be right back. I heard her run to the back door, and holler, "_Moooooom_!" Faintly, Renée answered and Rosalie shouted, "Bella's in labor! Hurry _up_!"

Renée came running, breathless. She'd been trimming some of the hedges. Grimy as she was, she pulled off her gardening gloves and grabbed her car keys. "Let's go!"

We all piled into the car, both of them easing me into the backseat. The pain was now like nails being driven through my spine. I was gasping for air, practically hyperventilating. It helped dull the ache somewhat. Rosalie took Renée's cell at her urging, and dialed my doctor's number. Thankfully, he picked up on the second ring and said he would meet us at the hospital. Rosalie then called Charlie, whom we caught driving home from the supermarket.

"Rose?" I huffed. She turned to look at me, concerned. "Call Edward, please."

He told us that he was heading to the hospital immediately, and that he would also call Esme and Carlisle.

When we arrived, I was about to tell the nurse, "I think I can walk," when I doubled over as another contraction hit. I was hastily put in a wheelchair. My hair was matted, and my jeans were still soaked from my water breaking. Not pretty at all.

Renée stayed in the lobby to fill out paperwork while Rose came with me as I was wheeled into a private room. I had read that before you actually gave birth, it was common to share a room with other women in various stages of labor. When I asked the nurse pushing the wheelchair about it, she said Dr. Cullen had arranged everything.

Both the nurse and Rosalie helped me into a hospital gown; I was finally able to discard the dirty jeans. I climbed carefully onto the bed. The nurse was setting up an IV next to the bed. I flinched at the thought of having a needle sticking out of my hand.

Not fifteen minutes had passed when the rest of my family was there, surrounding me. The private room felt very spacious, even though Charlie and a sweaty Jasper had joined Rosalie and Renée. My father looked nervous, which only increased as I cried out whenever I felt a contraction. The men stepped out when the nurse and my doctor finally came in to check up on me. He was very surprised.

"You're very advanced for your first delivery. You're about two-thirds as dilated as you should be. Seems it's going to be a quick birth. Lucky." The doctor smiled as I lowered my legs back on the bed. Rosalie sat on the small sofa against the wall and Renée was holding my hand.

My dad and Jasper came back in, followed by a breathless Edward. Something in me relaxed when I saw him, and I smiled. It suddenly struck me how worried he looked, anxious and pale. Almost like a first-time father. I quickly pushed that thought out of my head.

"How are you feeling?" Edward came to stand next to the bed, his hands on the rails.

"Oh, you know." I concentrated on controlling my breathing. I didn't want to scare him. "Just having a baby. The pain really sucks, but I bet the food here is good." He cracked a smile.

"Esme is outside. She didn't want to crowd you." Edward glanced at the IV dangling from the back of my hand,

"Esme? Never. Oh, and please tell your dad thanks. For the room." I clenched my teeth, feeling another contraction coming. He looked to me helplessly as I grabbed the bed rail but refused to cry out.

"Is it too bad?" Edward asked apprehensively. "How far along are you?"

"Almost fully dilated, the doctor said. Can they give me something for the pain?"

"I'll ask." Edward turned to the door. Before he left, he whispered something to Rosalie, who ducked out and came back with a cup full of ice chips. I remembered the advice he had given me so long ago.

While he was gone, the contractions kicked up a notch—or maybe five. Renée told me to take her hand and squeeze it through the pain. I feared I would break her hand. When Edward finally returned with the nurse and my attending doctor, I nearly wept with gratitude. Again, the men left while Rose and my mother stuck it out beside me. They had me sit on the edge of the bed, bent over the rollaway table and a pillow. It was an uncomfortable position, but I had to hold perfectly still. I felt the pinch of the needle but pursed my lips shut, reminding myself that it was worth this pain to be spared the rest that would surely come.

A few minutes after they shoved the epidural into my spine, I began to feel its effects. I relaxed a little bit, and the doctor examined me again.

"Okay, Bella. You're fully dilated, and the baby looks about to crown any moment now." The nurse settled near the doctor, bringing with her a cart and a tray full of instruments and packages. They spread some blue sheets beneath me, and pushed up my gown above my huge belly. I should have felt insanely embarrassed to be fully naked in front of my mother, my sister, and two strangers, but I was beyond caring. Despite the anesthetic, I felt the urge to push.

The doctor noticed my expression as I tried to sit up. "Bella, I need you to push through the contraction, and hold it for ten seconds. Don't stop; we'll be counting for you." The nurse propped me up with a few pillows while Rosalie and Renée hooked their hands under my knees and spread them apart, at the doctor's indication.

Unexpectedly, a molten wave of panic hit me. _This is it, this is really it, holy crap, what am I going to do, this is insane… I can't do this!_ I shook my head vehemently, biting my lip.

"Mom, I can't do this, there's no way, I'm not ready!" I gripped her hand, my face twisting as I fought the urge to push and resisted.

"Sure you are, baby, we're all here with you. We'll help you, you're not alone, Bella." Renée gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and touched her forehead to mine. Rosalie smiled, back to her self-possessed character. Not even the blood could faze her now.

"Bella, honey, I need you to push now." The doctor's voice was muffled behind the mask.

After one last look from Renée, I gritted my teeth and pushed. I could hear them counting while I held as long as I could. When they reached ten, I crumpled onto the bed, panting.

"You're doing great, now one more time, Bella." It killed me that the doctor could sound so calm when I wanted to rip his head off. I felt Rosalie rub my knee sympathetically.

I spent the next few minutes bearing down, and then falling back to the pillows in exhaustion. Finally, I heard the doctor say. "Here's the head! A couple more should do it." Renée peeked and squealed—actually squealed—excitedly.

Only a couple more times… I gritted my teeth once more and pushed, willing the baby to come out. When the ten seconds were up I took a deep breath and pushed again, not waiting. I finally let myself shout with the effort and I heard a tiny, shrill wail.

"And here she is!" I collapsed, Renée's hands pulling my hair back from my face. I closed my eyes, breathing in. I could hear my daughter crying, loud and strong. I felt the nurse set her on my stomach and my eyes flew open. I reached out to touch her while the doctor cut the cord. Her tiny mouth opened to let out her insistent cries, and I felt like crying with her. All too soon, the nurse took her away, to clean her up.

"Everything's fine," the doctor said, still in front of me. "She's perfectly healthy."

"Mom…" I trailed off, exhausted.

"Shhh… I'm here. She's beautiful, Bella." Renée stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. "She looks just like you."

The nurse brought her back, swaddled and clean. "Here you go. Seven pounds, eight ounces. Congratulations." She settled the baby on my chest. I held her awkwardly, afraid to drop her. She _was_ beautiful… dark hair, and my nose… though I couldn't see her eyes. They were scrunched tightly as she wailed. But her cries quieted down gradually, as I traced her perfect features gently with my fingertips. Soon, she was only sniffling. I gazed at her, marveling that this tiny perfect creature had been inside me all along.

I felt tired, fatigue seeping into my very bones. I kissed my daughter's forehead before I offered her to Renée, while Rosalie hovered over Renée's shoulder, smiling delightedly. I was so tired…

As my mother handed the baby back to the nurse, I felt my eyes begin to drift closed. Before I could go under, Renée shook my shoulder slightly.

"Bella, honey… they need to know her name. Do you know yet?"

My daughter's name was suddenly clear; a first.

"Elizabeth. Her name is Elizabeth."

**--**

**I named this chapter "Into The Light" because in Spanish, **_**dar a luz**_**, or giving birth, literally translates into **_**giving light**_**. Just in case you were wondering. I may have muddled a little through the finer points of childbirth, but if there are any gross misconceptions, feel free to correct me. Please R&R!**


	25. Awaken

**I loved that you loved "Into The Light"… we are almost at the end of our story… just a few more chapters to go… sorry if I won't be able to update much for the rest of the week, but I've got several things going on right now… rest assured I'll be back by Friday at the latest… in the meantime, enjoy!**

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Light filtered through my eyelids, staining everything red. I had lost all sense of time and place. My eyes fluttered open slowly, as I reached up to rub sleep out of them. Something tugged on my arm—an IV. In a flash, I remembered everything like a dream.

I sat up slowly in the bed. There were flowers and balloons everywhere. Sitting where I almost overlooked her, reading a book, was Renée. Noticing I was awake, she put the book facedown on the vinyl couch and hurried to me.

"Bella, honey, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. Sleepy, but fine. Where is she?" My daughter. I savored that to myself.

"Let me call a nurse to bring her to you. You were asleep for awhile."

"How long was I out?"

"Well, Elizabeth was born at about six this afternoon… It's now two in the morning," she said, looking at her watch.

"So you're the only one here? Where's everybody?" I asked Renée,

"Well, they all went to get some sleep. At around eleven, when it was clear you weren't waking up anytime soon, they left. Charlie brought me a change of clothes, but I couldn't sleep on the couch. Too plastic."

"Have they all seen her?" I tucked my hair behind my ears, impatient for the nurse to arrive.

"Yes, and they all absolutely adore her." She smiled. "Charlie cried."

"No way."

"He did. Jasper seemed pretty choked up himself." A knock interrupted us and Renée called out, "Come in!"

The nurse walked in, holding a white bundle in her arms. "Here she is." She approached the bed, and leaning in handed her to me. Without the drug-induced stupor, I was able to truly appreciate my daughter. Elizabeth.

She really was beautiful. I knew mothers always thought that about their children, but she was just perfect. She was awake; her tiny fists flailing, trying to break free of the blanket. Her eyes were a deep chocolate brown, like mine. Her hair was dark, almost black. But her nose was still mine; her tiny seashell ears and delicate toes were faultless. I put my face to the crown of her head and inhaled. Nothing on earth could compare to that smell.

"Want to try and feed her?" The nurse looked on me kindly, while Renée touched Elizabeth's cheek. I gulped.

"I guess." I loosened the top of the hospital gown and attempted to position the baby so she could feed. As she took my breast in her mouth, I felt a sharp pain. Elizabeth had no teeth, but it still hurt. "Ow."

Renée smiled. "Hurts, doesn't it?" I rolled my eyes at her, but winced.

After about ten minutes, she was done. I tied the gown back up, but when the nurse tried to take her, she wailed.

"Oh, please don't take her yet." I looked pleadingly at the nurse. She relented, saying she would be back for her in about half an hour.

I was cuddling Elizabeth, with Renée sitting next to us on the bed when another knock brought me out of my reverie.

"Yes?" I held her a little bit closer, afraid it was the nurse again although my thirty minutes weren't up yet.

"Can I come in?" Edward opened the door slightly, his head peeking around it.

"Edward! What are you doing here?" I made sure the hospital gown covered me up before I gestured to Renée to beckon him in.

Edward came close to the bed, pulling something from behind his back. He was holding out a bouquet of lavender roses.

"Oh, my God, they're beautiful… thank you." I noticed Renée inconspicuously sitting on the couch again. She came forward and took the roses, setting them in the pitcher of water beside my bed.

"You know what? I'm going to go get some coffee. I'll be back soon." With that, she practically fled from the room, giving us a moment alone.

"She looks just like you." Edward peeked in at Elizabeth in my arms, her arms waving about.

"Wanna hold her?" Before he could protest, I shifted her into his arms. He had no choice but to cradle her. He looked awkward, like I'd never seen him before. He held her like she'd break. I laughed, and he smiled. Finally, Edward relaxed a bit, rocking her gently while she snuffled.

"So… Elizabeth. You finally chose one."

"Yeah, I did."

"I like it."

"I looked up the meaning online. It means 'God's promise', or 'God's gift'."

Edward gave her back me, carefully supporting her head. He stroked her satin cheek with his finger.

"Elizabeth… little Lizzie." He laughed when I frowned.

"I was kind of out of it, but I remembered it was the first name on that list you gave me. Thanks for your help."

He gazed intently at me. "It was my grandmother's name."

"I know."

Edward, looking shy, bent down swiftly to kiss my cheek.

I blushed.

--

When Renée came back from her coffee break, Edward excused himself, with a final caress for Elizabeth and an awkward hug for me. The nurse also took her back, promising to bring her again soon for another feeding.

Renée settled on the awful vinyl couch again, and picked up her book. I stared at her, until she put it down again.

"Did you know he was out there this whole time?"

"Well, I hadn't left the room since you went under, but I thought he might be."

"Why?"

"Oh sweetie, don't you see it yet?"

I glanced warily at her. "Okay, I'll play along. What don't I see?"

"Edward's in love with you." Renée smiled indulgently.

Huh. I sat, stunned. My head almost rocked back as if I had been hit.

"I don't think so, Mom." I swallowed hard.

"Oh, why is it so impossible to believe?"

"Because Edward's my friend. He's my best friend. Why would he want me?"

"Because you're Bella."

"Mom, I could never…" I stammered helplessly. "He's just a friend."

Renee shook her head, giving up. She knew how stubborn I could be. But this wasn't just me being stubborn. I loved Edward, but I couldn't be _in_ love with him. There would be too much at stake and now, with Elizabeth… she came first and foremost.

But what if… now that Renée had planted the seed of doubt in my head…

My heart recoiled at the very thought of the pain of losing Edward.

--


	26. Do Without

**Hey guys, sorry for the delay. I've had a lot of things going on this week, but I'll try to update at least a couple more times this weekend. There are some 4-5 chapters left, so bear with me. Enjoy! **

**PS: The theatrical trailer was AWESOME. OME! Go, watch it again. You know you want to.**

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EPOV

When I finally got home at around three, it was to find my mother waiting for me on the couch.

"How's Bella?" She clicked off the TV she had been watching on mute and tossed the remote to one side. She patted the space next to her.

"She woke up. I was hanging around, sleeping on and off when I saw one of the nurses go into her room with the baby. Elizabeth." I sat wearily on the plush white cushions. "Like your mother."

"Elizabeth." Mom's eyes softened. "She picked that name out of the blue? Does she know?"

"It was on the list I gave her. I never thought she'd pick any of them." I put my arm over my eyes. They prickled strangely, like I wanted to cry for no reason.

Or maybe I did know the reason. Why my heart felt so heavy. Everything had seemed so easy before. Me, taking care of her. And Bella, letting me. Months went by in a blur without really stopping to think about what was coming next. I had had the feeling it might go on forever—me, loving her, and Bella, unaware.

"What are you going to do now?" My mother touched my hand gently. I pulled my arm away from my face and looked at her.

"About what?"

"Bella… and Elizabeth." She smiled at the name.

"What is there to do?" I asked, a defeated note creeping into my voice.

"Oh, come on, Edward. You're in love with her. It's high time you let her know."

I sat up straight, and leaned forward with my arms resting on my knees. "I think a complication of this kind is the last thing she needs, especially now."

"It might be just what she needs, especially now." Mom reached over to rub my back.

"After what Jacob did—" I practically spat his name, "—left her, abandoned them. I can't even begin to imagine what she really went through, how much she kept to herself. All I want is for her to never be hurt again." I looked at Mom, and her gaze was level. "I want her to be happy. Even if it's not with me."

"I agree. You should be careful with her heart. A person can break, but Bella's too strong for that." My mother rose from the couch and began shutting off the lights in the living room. "You've helped her heal. Don't you think that everyone can see the difference in her?"

I got up after her and followed her to the staircase. "I don't know. I can deal with her not loving me like I love her, but if it ruined our friendship…" I trailed off morosely.

"Oh, sweetheart," she said, putting an arm around me, "nothing could ever do that."

But it could. I mulled over it as I got into bed. I would be leaving soon, despite everything. I didn't know—didn't _want_ to know—what it would be like to lose her, again.

I feared she would never know.

--

**Mini-chapter, hehehe. I promise to update later tonight. R&R please!**


	27. More Than You Think You Are

**I promised a quick update! I'm already thinking of a new story too, so don't worry. ****Thanks to all of my reviewers for the encouraging comments. I seriously love checking my email and seeing those Review Alerts. :D Enjoy this chapter!**

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I had the sweetest baby in the world. I know every mother thinks that about their child, but it was completely true in Elizabeth's case. She was a lovely baby, who hardly ever cried. Everything was bliss around her, she lit up a room.

Charlie was fiercely possessive of his granddaughter; as soon as he walked through the door every evening, he would seek her out and practically wrestle Elizabeth from the arms of whoever held her at that moment. Rosalie argued with Renée sometimes over whose turn it was to feed her bottles when I wasn't around. Even Jasper hovered over her, trying to make her gurgle and smile.

The months had passed quickly. I had returned to Peninsula two weeks after Elizabeth was born. With only four courses, my load wasn't as heavy, so I had plenty of time to spend with my daughter. I would often hold and feed her with one arm while I typed papers with the other. I was still determined to graduate college in December. So Renée babysat mornings when I didn't have class, and Rosalie or Esme took over in the afternoons at my house. Elizabeth was adored by all.

Edward was also around constantly, playing with Elizabeth and trying to get everyone to call her Lizzie. I'm sure they did—when I wasn't there to glare at them. There wasn't a baby more spoiled or loved than Elizabeth; she had come so unexpectedly into our lives, to change them for the better. _My life may have been simpler, but it would not have been as full_.

I was also spending an inordinate amount of time with Edward. He would often take care of Elizabeth while I took a nap, and I was positive he would have stayed over nights if I didn't practically force him to leave. He was incredibly attached to my daughter, completely absorbed and delighted by her.

He had announced that he was taking time off until the New Year. He had been accepted into the medical school program in Seattle, at the University of Washington. In the meantime, before he began his graduate studies, he was taking up a small administrative job at the hospital with Carlisle. It was only temporary—they needed someone to fill a position, and Edward offered when he heard it was urgent.

The only shadow cast over these happy months was the memory of Jacob. Some of him was undeniably there, in Elizabeth's features, the darkness of her hair. This only made me sad, instead of angry, for which I was grateful. I was saddened by the fact that he had chosen not to be with us, and by that choice he would miss out on one of the greatest gifts life had to offer.

--

My days were filled with Elizabeth, school, and family. I spent my time getting to know everything about her, from the way her hair curled on her forehead, to the exact shade of her chocolate eyes, and the indentations behind her chubby knees. I breastfed her about every two hours when I was at home, with Edward excusing himself hastily from the room if he happened to be there. Those were some of the few times I ever saw him blush.

I stayed late on campus one day in November for a group project. We worked in the library, and then grabbed some coffee. When I checked my watch, it was nearly five. I excused myself from the lively conversation; I wanted to get home to Elizabeth. During the first month after I returned to school, I had called obsessively to ask about her, until my calls were screened and I had to grudgingly accept that Elizabeth would be perfectly fine without me for a few hours.

When I got home, everything was quiet.

"Hello?" I dropped my bag on a chair in the front hall and wandered into the living room before I checked her crib upstairs. What I saw stopped me in my tracks.

Edward was sitting on the couch, his head leaning to the side, fast asleep. Elizabeth was in his arms, also sleeping. The TV was on, the volume lowered. I took one step closer, surveying the scene. An empty bottle was on the coffee table, along with a couple of burp cloths and some of Elizabeth's toys. Her favorite blanket was lying on the floor. I picked it up carefully, so as not to disturb either of them.

And then I saw. Elizabeth's tiny fist was curled on Edward's chest, holding onto his shirt. As it rested there, her hand moved slightly with the steady rhythm of his breathing. I watched them both, mesmerized. An odd sense of awareness stole over me, one I had tried unconsciously to repress.

I was in love with Edward. It had come to this, watching my daughter cling to him, as she would to me, like she needed him. He had done more for us than anyone; he had been there for me when I thought I was alone. More than a friend, in every look, every word, every gesture. Why I didn't see…

I took the blanket and laid it over them gently. I traced a finger down Elizabeth's cheek, reveling in the softness of her. I glanced at Edward, still asleep. I hesitated for a second, before I brushed my hand over his forehead, his bronze hair tickling my fingertips. He shifted suddenly, and I jumped back, nearly tripping over the low coffee table. I managed to grab the edge of the sofa and sit before he was fully awake.

"Bella, hey." Edward sat up carefully, adjusting Elizabeth in his arms. I felt my face flush crimson as he gazed upon her sleeping shape. It was as though everything I was feeling, all my thoughts were etched into my skin for him to see.

It didn't help when he stood up and came to sit next to me, cradling Elizabeth and handing her to me. We held perfectly still in close proximity, so close I could feel the warmth from his body and his just-woke-up scent. I was afraid to look up. The silence dragged.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was gentle, concerned. "Is something wrong?"

I held Elizabeth closer to me and touched my finger to her small open palm. Her fingers closed tightly around it.

I smiled and found the courage to meet his eyes with mine. "No. I'm just home."

--

**Yay! So ****now she knows… getting closer! R&R!**


	28. If

**Sorry, you guys****! I've been waaay busy with a lot of things this past week, but I'm back : ). Thanks so much for your reviews, I'm glad you liked Bella's 'awakening', hehehe… seriously, who **_**wouldn't**_** love Edward?! Though sadly this story is almost at an end (!), I'm already working on Ch.1 of the next story… hope you like it!**

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EPOV

For days, Bella had been distracted. I spent as much time as ever with her and Elizabeth, but there was something missing—something strange, between us. I heard from Renée that she had gotten a call from her ex-boyfriend, Mike Newton. It worried me, whatever he might have said to her. Maybe she was thinking of getting back together with him. It also hurt me somehow that she hadn't told me about it herself. It would have hurt a little less.

Everything had reached a breaking point. I would be leaving for Seattle soon. I really couldn't begin to imagine what it would be like, not seeing Bella everyday. Elizabeth had begun to recognize me, cooing happily when I bent over her crib. I worried that she might grow to forget me, when I spent most of the year in another city.

I had grown too attached. That could only hurt me in the end, right? Even if a tiny part of me hoped that Bella would miss me as much as I would miss her. Again, it all came down to hope.

I sat on my bed, staring through the window in my room. It looked out towards the Sol Duc river. The water cantered over the dark gray rocks. It lulled me, leaving my thoughts to wander. They went places I wasn't sure they should go.

I had to tell Bella I loved her. It was the only way. A terrifying way. I tried hard to believe that it was merely the fear of losing her as my best friend, and not just an overwhelming fear of rejection. As soon as I thought of Bella's face, filled with sorrowful regret, my heart started pounding erratically; then an image of her eyes, traced with pity, and my breathing came fast and shallow. I couldn't decide which would be worse.

I ran my hands through my hair in desperation. My eyes fell on my laptop resting on my desk. Maybe…

I crossed the room and sat in front of it, opening the top as it whirred to life. I would write Bella a letter, pour my stupid heart out on paper, and hope for the best. I would have to type it out—I couldn't trust my hand not to shake when I wrote.

I opened a new word processing document, and held my fingers above the keys. I breathed in deeply, and began to type.

I tried to write everything as it came to my head. I would go study in Seattle for a few years. She would be graduating soon. I didn't know what plans she had made for the future, since they would now revolve around Elizabeth and whatever she might need. With no real agenda, I told her, I just wanted her to know. That was it.

I remembered what my mother had told me, how I should be careful with Bella's heart. I tried to stay away from what I _really_ wanted to say—move in with me, I want to take care of you and Elizabeth, marry me, I want everything with you… The rest was scary enough.

I typed faster, barely stopping for boring things like periods and grammar structure. There would be time to make it coherent later. There was just one thing that was clear right now. I could do what that jackass Jacob wouldn't. It was his loss.

I wanted them, Bella and Elizabeth, forever.

--

"Hey, Edward." Bella opened the front door herself and stepped back so I could come in.

"Hi." I hesitated the tiniest fraction of a second before I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. She blushed and ducked her head as she closed the door behind us. That still didn't tell me anything one way or another. She blushed easily.

I strode into the living room, nerves making me walk fast. Bella looked at me funny, and paced after me. I stood waiting for her. I decided to play a game with myself. If she sat next to me, the answer would be yes. If she sat across from me, then the answer was no.

She chose the upholstered chair beside the couch where I planted myself. Okay, so that didn't mean anything. Did it? I smiled at her, which she returned with a little uncertainty.

"Where's Elizabeth?" I was surprised she wasn't holding her.

"Renée asked if she might take her to a friend's house. They were having some coffee thing. It was nice of her, I haven't been sleeping well lately." Bella put her hand to her cheek lightly, absentmindedly, then looked at me sharply, as though she had said something she didn't mean to.

"Oh, sorry, were you sleeping when I came in? Did the doorbell wake you?" Maybe not the best time for a heart to heart talk.

"No, I was trying to… no, I wasn't sleeping."

A strange awkward silence fell between us. We _never_ had awkward silences. Not Bella and me. I tried to catch her eye for a moment, but she was looking at her shoes, as though fascinated. I had to say something.

"Bella—"

"Edward—" We interrupted each other and I laughed nervously.

"You go first." I nodded towards her.

"Oh, well…" Bella toyed with her fingers. _This is it_, I thought. _This is when she tells me that she's moving to Italy to be with that idiot Newton. Or maybe Jacob called her. No, she'd be angry, not nervous. She _is_ nervous, right? Oh stop it, Edward. _

"Bella, before you say anything, I want to—er, sort of tell you something." My voice didn't break and I didn't choke, which was good. I reached into the back pocket of my jeans for the folded papers I had tucked in earlier.

"Sort of?" Bella looked confused.

"Well, technically, I'm not really telling you as much as writing you. See, I…" I grasped for the right words. "I guess it's easier to write things down than say them." I crumpled the papers slightly, looking at the bright whiteness of the paper. Anything but Bella's eyes. If I looked into them, I wouldn't be able to do it. I steeled myself.

"I wrote you a letter." I handed her the sheaf of papers, folded neatly in half.

As Bella's fingers brushed the paper, I had one last wild thought where I could still pull my hand back, tear up the letter into tiny pieces and pretend I never felt like this. Like I couldn't breathe when her hand accidentally touched mine, when her eyes glanced my way, when she blushed, and when we said goodbye at the end of another day.

Bella still looked slightly confused. I saw my hand let go, as she took the sheets in her own. She looked at me, trying to gauge from my expression any clues as to what the letter said. I kept my eyes steadily on her now, though my pulse was racing.

Bella unfolded the letter, and began to read.

--

**A cliffie! Hahaha! Hate me****, people… I'll try to post the next chapter by Sunday. And again, I apologize for the wait. ****A little shout out to readers in Mexico, BTW… Gracias por leer mi historia, saludos desde la ciudad de las montañas… dejen sus comentarios!**


	29. Change Of Faith

**Glad to read that you don't hate me for the last cliffie, hehehe… sorry to the ones who stayed up late reading only to have it end so abruptly :P… ****This is the next-to-the-last chapter. Listen to The Spill Canvas' "So Much". **

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BPOV

I glanced down at the sheaf of papers in my hand, and felt Edward's gaze on me. I tried to glean some clues from his expression, but he gave nothing away. I was almost afraid to open the letter. What could he possibly have to say bad enough that he had to write it, instead of telling me to my face?

_Maybe it was something bad… maybe he wasn't just going to Seattle, maybe he decided to study somewhere farther away. __Or what if he met someone? When, I wasn't sure, since he seemed to spend all his time here, but an old flame, from Washington perhaps… was a letter a polite way of telling me, _"Sorry Bella, you're on your own"_? _

If he had waited half a minute more, maybe I would have gotten up the guts to say what I had wanted to say for days now. I had felt the words rising in me like warm air, filling my mouth, but unable to cross my lips. The moment lingered, and then it was gone. But Edward had spoken.

I gripped the papers in my hand, then carefully unfolded them and began to read.

_Bella,_

_Things are much easier when people write them down, that's a universally acknowledged truth. And of course, that is doubly true for me, you know. Although it is worlds easier to do this by letter, I understand that it might not be worth as much than if I said it out loud and to your face. The three hardest things for anyone to say in this world are: I'm sorry, forgive me, and I love you. _

_I love you, that is nothing new, but I've been in love with you for a long time. _

_There is something that just won't let me start, this reticence that won't let me say what I want to because I am scared of losing you. No, not scared—terrified. Every time I play you and me inside my head, I hear this voice in my heart that says, Could you stand to lose your best friend, over nothing? Could you really? And of course my head answers no. But there is another tiny, whispering voice in my heart, speaking barely loud enough to be heard above that other, reasonable voice—and it's whispering, But wouldn't you like to find out? Wouldn't you like to know if what you dream of is truly possible? And of course, my soul answers yes._

My heart pounded, contracting and expanding with each word. What was he saying? I looked up from the words and met his eager eyes. Expectant. I felt my face flush bright red, but I couldn't say anything. I kept reading.

_All of the reasons why I couldn't even consider this, the most important of all—because you're my best friend, and can't be anything more—no longer matter. There was a time when I believed it, and now I just don't want to. I know how you've been hurt in the past, and believe me, it's the last thing I would ever do. It's not easy to trust again, to let yourself love again, but I am willing to wait for you. As long as it takes, if you can give me hope. _

_I thought, perhaps, if I gave myself time, two things could happen: either I would get over my little infatuation, my love-struck fascination, realize that it was only a moment of passing insanity, or this feeling would grow stronger, and deeper, regardless of the time-distance situation. And part of me hoped for the first, but almost every other part is feeling the second. I have felt this for so long that it's past being merely a crush or a passing whim. And so, I don't know what to do. I am left every bit as helpless in the face of this feeling, that rises unbidden in me both familiar and unexpected._

_And all my fears, everything can be summed up in a word: loss. Will I be losing my best friend, or will I lose the chance to be happy? Whatever your answer might be, I know that if you value this friendship as much as I do, you would never let this come between us, that you wouldn't let things get weird and awkward and be reduced to superficial chats and stupid phrases. All I would want is for things to remain the same. I took this step, because it became increasingly obvious that if there were feelings on your part, however small, you would never say anything, and normally I wouldn't have either, because I know you and I know me and what we need is certainty. _

I could feel tears in my eyes, spilling over and blurring the words. I wiped them away with the back of my hand, and barely noticed when Edward stood up and tried to peer into my downcast face. "Bella? Are you okay?" He reached out for me, but I held up one hand, and he froze immediately. I wasn't done reading yet.

_There is no happiness in the world that I don't wish you.__ I will take your happiness and smile for you; I will take your sorrows and make them mine. Isn't that what friends do?_

_I love you__. Nothing could ever change that._

He'd said it. He felt the same way I did. Okay, technically, he'd written it, but it was there. All those times I'd tried to fool myself, when I caught him looking at me a certain way… it wasn't too late.

The crying began in earnest now, almost spasmodic sobs of relief. Edward looked alarmed, and I was suddenly embarrassed to be seen crying like this. I covered my face with my hands. I couldn't catch my breath long enough to explain to him that I wasn't angry or sad, that I was actually happy.

"Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't mean—" Edward looked helpless as we both stood there, and I tried to wipe away the tears and I sniffled.

"Edward—"

"I'm sorry, really—look, I'll go now, we can talk later if you want."

"No, don't go." I dropped the papers to the floor.

"It's just that…" Edward ran his hands through his hair, messing it up. He looked mortified. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, or confuse you… I obviously didn't mean to make you cry." He winced. "It was something incredibly selfish of me, to dump this on you now. I'm sorry."

"Yes, you've already said that." I tried to smile.

"You don't have to say anything now. It's just that—before I leave, I wanted to know if… there might be something in you that feels the same." Edward's voice trailed off, and he was staring at his shoes.

I laughed, turning a sob into weak sigh. I stepped closer to him, but he still wouldn't look up at me. One more step placed me directly in contact with him, and as he raised his head in surprise, I took his face in my hands and kissed him softly.

My eyes closed and all I could feel was Edward, his lips gentle against mine. His hands made their way into my hair, tentative at first. When we broke apart, he held me tightly to him, burying his face in my hair.

"I love you, Bella." His tone was fierce.

"I love you, too." I inhaled deeply, then laughed, finally released. "How could I have been so blind?"

Edward only laughed with me, before he trailed kisses from my neck to my mouth, each more urgent than the last. I locked my hands around his neck, as he lifted me from the floor and danced me around the living room. We ended up sitting on the couch, our fingers intertwined.

There was a sudden silence between us, before we looked at each other and smiled again.

"Okay… and now what are we going to do?" I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

Edward smiled. "I have a plan, all worked out." He gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

"Let's hear it."

"Well, I start med school in Seattle in January. So I was thinking we could stay at my apartment, or rent a bigger one. You're graduating soon, so maybe you could teach in the city, send little Lizzie to daycare… or stay at home with her," he added, seeing the look on my face.

"You and me?"

"And Lizzie. Of course." Edward frowned a little, a worry line I'd always noticed before creasing the corner of his mouth.

"You and me and Elizabeth." I reached out and erased the line away with my finger.

"I merely assumed you'd like your daughter to come along. I didn't presume too much, did I?" His playful crooked grin sent my heart racing.

"So your plan is for us to be together in Seattle? Like _together_ together?" I swallowed. True, I hadn't made a lot of concrete plans for after graduation. I was trying to keep my options open, but it suddenly felt like too much, too soon.

"Listen. I just want to try—" Edward bit his lip nervously. "If it doesn't work out, well then, you can always come home, no strings attached." His voice caught a bit. "Still friends."

"That's a pretty hard promise to keep. We could never really go back to what we have now as friends." I smiled faintly. "Especially not after living together."

"It's not going to be perfect, I know that." Edward's voice was soft as he traced patterns delicately on the back of my hand. "But it'll be us." His eyes met mine with that last word, _us_, and held them, unafraid.

Tears threatened to spill over again, as I leaned into him and rested my forehead on his. I smiled, and my heart felt at peace, for the first time in nearly a year.

Edward put his arms around me, embracing me tightly. I held him too, burying my face in his shoulder.

This was all I needed.

--

**That was kind of a long letter, wasn't it? ****Hope you liked this resolution; we still have one more chapter to go… stay tuned!**


	30. EPILOGUE

**One year later…**

--

BPOV

I rang the doorbell, listening to it chime through the door. Soon it was opened by an ecstatic Renée, whose first impulse was to scoop up Elizabeth in her arms and kiss her.

Edward and I stood on the porch of the Cullen home, waiting for her to finish cooing and fussing over her granddaughter. When it didn't look as though she was letting up anytime soon, I rolled my eyes at him and pried Elizabeth from Renée's arms.

"Hi, Mom, we're glad to see you, too." I leaned in and kissed her cheek.

"It's so great that you could make it!" She engulfed me in a bone-crushing hug, before turning her attentions on Edward. He was practically lost in the effusiveness of my mother's greeting before I cleared my throat and motioned towards the door.

"Mom, do you think we could come in before Elizabeth catches pneumonia or something?" The freezing December wind swirled around us, leaving soft white specks of snow on our coats.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Come in!" Renée pushed us indoors, taking our coats and talking incessantly. I could smell baking from Esme's kitchen, mingled with the sharp scent of pine and something unmistakably _Christmas_ in the air.

Elizabeth toddled into the living room, to the delighted gasps of both our families. Charlie sat on the couch with Carlisle, his arms gesturing towards his granddaughter. Jasper and Rosalie were there, chatting with Alice. Esme hurried into the room, wiping her hands on an apron.

Rosalie held Elizabeth, admiring fussing just like Renée. At one year, four months, she was lisping out a few words, and was adorable in a red velvet dress Alice had sent us as an early Christmas gift. A pair of black patent leather shoes completed the outfit. Alice winked at me.

I held Edward's hand and took the scene in. All the people I loved were together; I hadn't seen them in nearly six months, since the couple of weeks I had spent in Forks over the summer. Edward had had to stay in Seattle that time. I had missed him terribly—since we had moved to the city, we hadn't spent so much as two days apart.

Renée sauntered over to me, as Edward was taken hostage by Esme. "I always knew…" She smiled satisfied to herself.

I blushed. "Mom, please, this happened a year ago, get over it." I smiled back, however.

"I'm just so glad to see you happy, Bella. You never thought you deserved it."

"I'm still not sure I understand _why_," I said frankly, "but I've given up trying to understand. It just _is_, and nothing could be better," I added softly, watching Edward greet everyone in the room while Elizabeth followed him around.

I made my way across the room, hugging left and right. Alice in particular was thrilled to see me, and pulled me into a corner for a lengthy conversation.

"Tell me everything! How have you been?" She held my hands in hers, clenched with emotion.

"It's been pretty great," I admitted, and couldn't help but grin at her too.

It had actually been more than great. Despite the obvious period of adjustment, it had all gone as smoothly as we could have hoped. As soon as I'd graduated and applied for a teacher's license, I had begun looking for jobs in Seattle. Almost immediately, I received a reply from a public school there, to teach first grade. The pay was small, but enough for Elizabeth's needs. Edward possessed an enormous trust fund, and I'd had a hard time convincing him that he was _not_ allowed to pay for absolutely everything.

We had endless discussions about that, but in the end, we reached a compromise. We would go halves on rent, groceries, and some other stuff, but I would get everything Elizabeth needed, from diapers to clothes and graham crackers. The three of us moved to Seattle in mid-February. Not long after that, I discovered that Edward took the checks I wrote for all the shared expenses and deposited them all into a bank account he had created for Elizabeth. I had wanted to be furious at him but failed in the attempt.

"You need to come visit us, anytime… as long as you don't mind sleeping on the couch." We laughed, and I explained how we would soon be moving into a slightly bigger apartment. This one included a tiny extra bedroom for Elizabeth, whose crib had been residing in the living room / dining area. I saw the question Alice really wanted to ask and blushed before she'd uttered a word.

I glanced at Edward, who was talking to Charlie, and tried not get sidetracked into remembering his kisses, his touch… Sharing Edward's bed was not something that had happened immediately upon our move to Seattle. I had worried about it endlessly while still in Forks, and knew everyone assumed things when we announced we were moving in together. But it hadn't been like that at all.

--

That first night, I stood in the midst of cardboard boxes, looking at Elizabeth in her new wooden crib. Carlisle and Esme had sent it, insisting that the old one stay behind for when we visited Charlie and Renée. Plus, we needed a much smaller crib. I understood their logic, but couldn't for the life of me figure out where _I _would be sleeping. I'd felt Edward come into the tiny living room, and pause by the couch.

I'd be lying if I'd said I hadn't thought about it since our first trembling kiss. I had felt my face flush a deep red, while waves of hot and cold alternatively washed over me. I turned to look at Edward, and smiled awkwardly, nervous. I sat on the couch, my hands picking at imaginary loose threads in my sweater. I hadn't been able to look up at him until he took my hands in his.

"Bella…" He hesitated, unsure of how to say it. "I know this is a big change. That this, um—_us_, is still relatively new… I just wanted to let you know, that… well, I'm not expecting anything."

I felt his eyes burn into mine and knew he meant it. I wasn't ready for _that_ particular part of the relationship either. Not yet.

So that night, and for about two months afterward, I bedded on the couch with Elizabeth in the living room. Edward had adamantly argued for me to take the bedroom, but I had refused. Besides, I told him, I needed to be close to her, to feed her. He hadn't said anything more after that.

Until one rainy May night, when I couldn't sleep. It was around three in the morning, and Elizabeth had been sleeping soundly since nine. We had both stayed up, while Edward read over his notes and I watched a muted movie. He'd gone to bed before I did, giving me a soft goodnight peck on the lips before he went to his room. Feeling oddly lonely, I'd switched off the TV. I checked up on Elizabeth, who didn't even stir. Already in my pajamas, I hit the kitchen lights and settled into the sheets draped over the couch. I tossed and turned, but couldn't close my eyes.

Finally, I sat up, running my hands restlessly through my hair. I glanced at Edward's door, barely visible across the short hallway that separated the tiny kitchen from the bedroom. I rose from the couch, my hands shaking slightly as I took the baby monitor with me. I padded silently to the door, and stood facing it for what felt like an eternity. I brought my hand up to knock, then faltered. _What am I doing?_ I nearly turned around and ran back to the couch before I caught myself. I tried to analyze and be rational about what I was feeling—then I shook my head as I remembered that first time he'd said, "I love you." My heart leaped that the thought, and gave me courage. I raised my hand again and knocked quietly.

"Bella?" Edward's voice sounded muffled through the door. He was kind of a light sleeper. I pushed the door open, the only sound now the pounding rain outside the window. Typical Seattle weather. Edward switched on the bedside lamp. "Are you okay? Is something wrong with Elizabeth?" He swung his legs over the edge of the bed before I could speak. He wore a black t-shirt and blue boxers. It made me self-conscious.

"No, Edward, she's fine. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." I ran my fingers lightly over the doorknob, uncertain. He was still looking at me in the bright yellow lamplight. I felt like an idiot; there was no remotely cool way to do this. I tried to smile at him. "It's just that… I can't sleep."

Edward blinked, then nodded. "Oh. Okay. Do you want to take something to help you?" I shook my head.

"Do you think maybe, I could… just lie down for a while? Until I fall asleep?" I asked him shyly. I crossed my arms, cradling my elbows in the palms of my hands.

He still looked a little confused, or maybe he was still kind of dazed. Wordlessly, he nodded, and made some room beside him on the queen-sized bed. Closing the door behind me, I went silently to the dresser and set the baby monitor on top. I crept towards the edge of the bed, and sat lightly on it. I looked over my shoulder at him.

"Is it okay if I turn off the lamp?" Edward reached across the little nightstand, and I nodded. A tiny amount of light seeped in through the window, casting shadows from the rivulets of rain that trickled down the glass. I curled on my side, huddling close to the very edge of the bed as I gripped the sheets and tucked them around me. I could hear him settle into the bed, shifting slightly. I shut my eyes tightly, willing my heart to stop pounding so furiously.

All of a sudden, I felt Edward's hands around my waist, as he pulled me closer to the center of the bed. "You're about to fall off." I felt my back tense. My heart still stuttered erratically, as an odd tremor, half-fear, half-delight rippled through me; a mixture that made me both want to run from the room and stay there forever.

His hands moved away from my body quickly, as though it burned. I hesitated, before I turned to face him, biting my lip. His eyes searched mine, and he held perfectly still. I understood; Edward wanted me to make the first move, to make sure it was what _I _wanted. I freed one of my hands from beneath the sheets, and slowly reached out to trace his lips with my fingers.

"Edward." He closed his eyes and sighed, his breath warm. It sent shivers up my spine. He pulled me even closer, his lips pressed to mine before I could say anything else. I became undone. The taste of his mouth left me dizzy and breathless with exhilaration. Passion blazed inside me, pushing me further and blurring all boundaries and lines. I sought his lips as much as he wanted mine. I lost all sense of time and place as he kissed me. I closed my eyes as his lips wandered to the hollow at the base of my throat, trailing upwards to graze my ear.

Edward inhaled slowly, breathing me in. His hands roved restlessly down my side. My own hands fluttered like moths down his back; I couldn't move even if I wanted to. I felt my skin flare in response as heat raced through me. He let his fingers become tangled in my hair, his eyes burning into my own as he touched his forehead to mine.

"I love you." Edward's voice was soft in the dark.

"I love you, too." My breath came fast and shallow. The sheer intensity of the moment made my heart beat almost painfully. He smiled and kissed me again, deeply. It was too much. I shook my head from side to side as he traced his mouth over my collarbone, and even my denial seemed like affirmation.

As his scent pervaded the air and flooded my senses, I was barely aware that the voice whispering _yes_ was my own.

--

I omitted as many embarrassing details as I could in my retelling to Alice. She saw through the whole thing however, in my many blushes and stammering; I couldn't hide how much I _wanted_ Edward.

"Everyone in this room is just incredibly happy for you both, Bella," she gushed, hugging me tightly.

"I've heard," I said dryly, still self-conscious about it all. We both left our discreet corner when Renée called us to dinner. She and Esme produced a high chair for Elizabeth, setting her between Edward and me.

As we settled around the huge dining room table, I glimpsed a lot of smiling faces and laughing conversations. Dishes and silverware clinked musically together, as Edward helped me feed Elizabeth. She waved her spoon around enthusiastically, splattering baby food on the floor. She was the center of attention. We shared our experiences living together, and all the cute and crazy things Elizabeth did.

After dinner, once the dishes were cleared, we made our way over the living room, which housed an enormous Christmas tree. Presents were piled beneath the trimmed branches, and Charlie was quick to pick out Elizabeth's wrapped gifts. Of course, she had more fun playing with the shiny paper and tape than the toys themselves. While she tangled herself up in the ribbons, the rest of us exchanged presents.

Carlisle and Esme got me a beautiful gold locket, with space inside to put a small picture. Charlie and Renée presented me with a new IPod, with double the capacity than my old one. "To fill it with all those annoying songs from kids' shows," they said. Alice gave me stunning new earrings for special occasions. Rosalie and Jasper had bought me a gift certificate so I could buy books to my heart's content. The gifts stacked under the tree dwindled, and soon everyone was expressing their thanks to each other.

While everyone was distracted, I quietly pulled out a wrapped package from Elizabeth's bag. I held it out to Edward, who sat next to me.

"Merry Christmas." I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks, Bella." He grinned and shook the box. It rattled slightly. "Can I guess?"

"Open it and see." I smiled back at him as he tore the paper down the middle. Inside was a clear DVD case and movie. He appeared puzzled for a moment.

"What's the movie?" He flipped the case around, but there was nothing written on it.

"I put together lots of pictures and home movies featuring all of us. I edited it into a single movie, from this past year." I ducked my head shyly, unsure if he had liked it.

Edward looked at the disc inside, inscribed only with today's date. He smiled, his face lighting up. "Could we watch it now?"

"Maybe later. This could get embarrassing." I laughed, relieved. "Do you like it?"

"I love it." He planted a kiss on my lips. "Not as much as I love you, but it's right up there. Which is why…" He bounded off the sofa and reached under the Christmas tree for one last gift.

The small, square box was wrapped in silver paper. Edward held it out, and I took it, trying to guess what it was by its weight. He sat beside me, gesturing that I should unwrap it. I picked the paper off slowly, stopping to watch Elizabeth almost topple into the tree and get rescued by Jasper. Finally, I was left holding a white box with a lid.

I glanced suspiciously at Edward, who only shrugged. I lifted the lid and inside the box was a dark blue velvet jewelry case. The shape was instantly recognizable. My heart almost stopped. I could only stare at the tiny case before Edward sighed and reached over to pluck it from the white box and put it in the palm of my hand. It was only then that I noticed the silence around us.

I looked up to see everyone staring at Edward and me, their eyes riveted on the jewelry box. Rose managed to stammer, "Is that what I think it is?" before being smacked on the arm by Alice, who actually squealed before clapping her hands over her mouth.

My eyes widened as I looked back at Edward, blushing. It was so quiet you could hear the lights humming on the tree. Even Elizabeth stood still next to her grandfather, expectant. Edward's green eyes were filled with laughter, eager, pleading, knowing. I glanced down at the box, scared, but slowly opened it.

Nestled in the dark blue velvet lay a sparkling diamond ring. It shimmered delicately in the glow of the lights, reflecting off each perfect facet. I didn't know what to do. The whole room seemed to have caught its breath, waiting. Edward reached over and gently took the ring in his fingers.

I couldn't move; he grasped my left hand where it lay inert on the sofa and held the ring, poised at my fingertip.

Elizabeth giggled, and that broke the spell. I blinked slowly, realizing both our families were watching, waiting for an answer.

"Bella?" Edward's eyes smoldered with intention, entrancing. "I promise to love you… and Elizabeth… forever. Every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

I looked into his eyes, those deep green eyes that knew me, through and through, and still, inexplicably, loved and wanted me. And I knew once more, with utter certainty, that we were meant to be.

"Yes, I'll marry you, Edward Cullen," I said softly.

He smiled as he slid the ring onto my finger. I glanced briefly at the way it fit, perfectly. Like us. I locked my arms around his neck and kissed him.

Suddenly, our whole family burst into frantic applause and called out their congratulations. It didn't matter that they were all watching; I only wanted to get lost in _him_, to never let him go.

Someone pulled on the hem of my dress. Elizabeth had toddled over, and Edward bent to pick her up, nuzzling her tiny nose with his until she laughed. They both looked radiant. He nestled her comfortably before tightly holding us in his arms.

I knew no one could love us as he did, unconditionally. I felt complete, truly blessed to have both of them in my life. Forever.

_The End_

--

**Thanks for sticking with the story to the very end!**** I just **_**had**_** to write that little 'romantic' interlude with Edward and Bella… I mean, if they were going to live together, it seemed kind of obvious what was going to happen… I had **_**waaaay**_** too much fun writing that part, I'll admit… And yes, I borrowed that "every single day of forever" from **_**Eclipse**_**—it's the best! And now for another little confession…**

"**December Skies" is kind of sort of based on a true story. My story.**

**I got pregnant when I was 22. I was very much in love with someone who, as it turned out, did not deserve my love or trust. He bailed on me, and my daughter, when I was about 3 months pregnant. I haven't heard from him since. However, he missed out on one of life's greatest gifts. I am so incredibly lucky to have my daughter, I would never change the fact that it happened. I found myself surrounded by family and friends who truly care for us.  
**

**Everything in the story pretty much went down the way it did in real life, except for a few things:**

**1. ****Names and characters, obviously, have been changed, as well as locations.**

**2. ****The fiction part of the story begins right around Elizabeth's birth. Although my best guy friend, incidentally, is called Edward and is a doctor now, we haven't fallen in love with each other. Sad but true ; ). **

**Little details like that and my love for **_**Twilight**_** just made it seem like a really cool plot for a fanfic. Like, let's play **_**what if**_** for a little while. **

**In the meantime, I'm writing a new story called "The Cullens take New York"****, with a lot less drama and a lot more fun. Back to vampires, romance, and ExB, of course!**

**I hope you enjoyed reading "December Skies" as much as I did writing it. Love you guys!**


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